The Great plan - Part 2

Phil's Office
Science Deck
Blue Dwarf
Time:Just after breakfast
 
Phil had just awoke from his dream/flashback thingey about how he got his hard-light bee. After the previous activities on the planet FFion it was now time to continue with the plan..sorry..THE PLAN.
 
"Computer : Activate:"
 
[WASSAP!] intoned the slighty irrating tones of SADDAM, Phils multiple-persoanltiy temproal computer.
 
"Don't bloddy start that again or I'll rip out your diodes and feed them to Bobo, the captains rat.."
 
[ALLRIGHT. JUST A BIT OF A LAUGH EH?](For some bizzare reason, the computer was now speaking in a Candian accent. Now Phil had nothing against candadians,, but it was a bit of a puzzle as to why his computer was speaking like one, as he brought it in Camden)
 
"I need to know the next steps of the Plan. I'm having a lot of trouble with this time loop. Things are not going at all like anyother loop I've been in. Prehapes this might be the one where I finally break free from my curse. Or Not. I havn't decided yet.."
 
[Here is a list of things that you should do before the next part of THE PLAN can commence...]
 
The computer then listed a stream of instrucstions for Phil..
 
1 - Place the Following bets
                Chance of Caching up with Red Dwarf                             2345 to 1
                Life Being proven to be just a big cockup                         4 to 1
                A random member of the crew beeing assulted by a
                    glow in the dark haddock                                            1,000,000 to 1
                Kayn finding a Pot Noodle he likes                                    1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,(x 100) to 1
 
2    -    Send Industry strength Laxatives to the Captain but address from Major Harris
 
3    -    Get those pictures of Penny Lloyd for Niples.
 
4     -    Obtain some giant insect DNA
 
5    -    Give some grief to a random crewmember(prefably with a glow in the dark haddock)
 
6    -    Find out if White Wolf is related to Kenny the Farting Hamster
 
7    -    Build a Time Machine
 
"Is that it?", asked Phil, memorising the list
 
[Yep]
 
"Why would I want to know if White Wolf is related to Kenny. They are differnt species. One is Rodentues Giganticus, the Other was Rodententus Flatuentus.? It doesn't make sense?"
 
[Look I'm just the computer. For some reason, asking White Wolf this question will set up a certain chain of events. You dig?](Now speaking Jive)
 
"Ok. The time machine may be a bit of a challenge though. Could take a while....."
 
................
 
Okay who should be assaulted with glow in the dark haddock..I'm taking votes...