Keto - "Oh allow me to get the hamster to throw up..."

OOC - I'm back! Sorry, about being a day later than I originally
said - I needed to spend a day back home to *recover* from overdoing
things a bit while on vacation. (Doesn't everyone have to do that
once in a while?). So, I'm sitting here munching on the left overs of
a 'Canadian favorite' (ketchup flavored potato chips) and drinking
plenty of fluids to rehydrate myself after being out in sun (and
getting sunstroke- at least, that's what I think I got after feeling
the way I did!) while participating the archery competition for three
days in a row. Not to mention, involuntarily donating about a quarter
of my blood to the local biting fly population...
Oh, and before I forget, Congrats on the SOTM, Andy! You do
deserve it. ;)
RPG -
-----
<Snip>
The two stepped up to the microphones and coughed. "Sure this is a
good
idea?" whispered Steev.
"It could be fun!" said White Wolf, with a grin on his face. "Put on
a
gangsta rap beat for us!"
The start of some sub-Cypress Hill beat filtered through the
speakers.
Steev grabbed the mike and prepared to Freestyle...
*-*-*-*-*
Shoot tha guns till they dry - The Blue Dwarves
*-*-*-*-*
"Well my name is Steev and I got the Mike,
I just rode in here on my badass trike,
You messed with my brotha,
so now I'm gonna shoot ya,
That's what you get,
You better never forget.
Screwin' the Blue Dwarves is a real bad ideah,
So me and WW heah are gonna kill yeeah.
Shoot tha guns till they dry punk,
Shoot tha guns till they dry.
<End snip>
The massive hamster began singing a bizarre background vocal as he
motioned for Steev to repeat his verse.
As the rotund hamster intoned,
"Oh, I've really got the dwarfer blues...
You see, the only thing my cat does is the nightly news,
It's alway about how another fire started in the bog...
And how we have go downtown and drain the latrine
While eating another bowl of lima beans.
The cat thinks we are strange,
But I think we got a wierd kind of mange
cos there's nobody here, but us dogs...
I'd like to find a cat who doesn't really care
About the size of my facial hair.
You see, there's nobody here, but us dogs...
We eat while dining at the church steeple,
Where even the bats begin to look like people.
Thier Nutritious and delicious, maybe even surreptitious,
There's nobody here, but us dogs...
They say we're crazy,
But I couldn't care less.
Why don't they just leave us alone?
Can't they see that we're happy to be a psychiatrical mess?
We get a thrill,
Bein' mentally ill. Yes we do.
Some people think it's a crime,
But it's really a pleasure sublime.
That's why I'm happy here inside these psychiatric borderlines,
Makin' these really absurd storylines,
And throwin' bones to the other dogs...
Why don't you ever trust a naked hamster staring at you now?
Why do you rather trust a human in clothing who's trying to feed you
a mad cow?
Now, that's simply revolting and disgusting,
the thought sends my computer a rusting,
There's nobody here, but us dogs...
They say we're crazy,
I could care less.
Why don't they leave us alone?
Can't they see we're happy to be a psychiatrical mess?
We get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill. Yes We do.
You seem to think it's a crime,
But I say it's really a pleasure sublime, oh yeah...
Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent.
Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant.
Sublimely commented, eccentric and demented,
There's nobody here, but us dogs...
We seem collect more nuts,
But you want to spill our guts.
We're really a bunch of lunatics,
Just like the Tick.
Oh, there's nobody here, But us dogs..."
As the music beat faded away, White Wolf & Steev looked at the stern
looking Eniram wearing the headphones behind the window, waiting for
them to say something.
One of the Enirams turned to another and said, "I don't get it."
A stogey smoking Eniram (who looked like a sleezy producer) smacked
him on the back of the head and responded, "Who cares!? This is going
to go platinum once we find someone cute to lip sync these avoir le
diable au corps with... Hows about the one that sang 'up my b***ies
one more size' for Dark horse?"
"That was a single woman, Boss. Wouldn't our customers notice the
song is being sung by two men?"
"You seem to forget these are the same people who believed 'Sea Lion
King' was a Dark Horse original story..."
One the Eniram wearing headphones yelled indigantly, "That's foul
rumour spread by the Aerons who are trying to subvert our Glorious
economy."
The lumbering hamster grabbed Steev's arm, and whispering "I think
it's about time we exit stage left..." while heading for the door.
The stogie smoking Eniram retorted, "Don't give the any of that kark,
I don't believe a word of what 'High priest' Bush says about those
Aerons."
Once in the hallway outside the recording studio, the great Hamster
and Steev began hot footing it, as they heard the arguement continue
inside.
----------------------
<Snip>
The four officers watched the huge fish curiously as it floundered
its finy fins on the pedestal. It opened its huge lips, ready to
speak.
Alotta wondered what a fish sounded like, maybe it sang like an
angle. Maybe it talked perfectly good english, maybe it had a
language of its own which was so complex-
"Blah." Said the supreme ruler.
"Blah?" repeated Steev. "What the heck does that mean?"
"SILENCE!" Said the Eniram. "I shall translate for the Supreme ruler.
What she wants to tell you is that we, the Enirams have created a
missile so powerful that it will destroy your Aeron base, and all of
the Aerons in one attack."
"But we're not-"
"SILENCE! We will arm the rocket and will fire when the countdown is
finished, you will remain in this room and watch on the TV monitors
as your entire race is wiped out. We, the Enirams will then take over
the world!!"
Steev blinked. "You got all that from 'blah'?"
"The missile will launch in 12 hours."
"Why so long?" Asked the gargantuan hamster.
"Dramatic effect mostly." Admitted the Eniram.
<End Snip>
"Oh, in that case - I guess we'll just kick back and watch the show."
Said the mammoth hamster settling himself down on the floor in front
of a monitor and gesturing for the others to do the same.
The Eniram walked away to attend to some other matters.
"Shouldn't we be doing something? Are you going have us just sit
here?" glowered Keto.
"Well actually, I was thinking of grabbing some munchies, and
rewatching 'Wargames' as a warm up to the main event." Replied the
jumbo hamster as he eyed something on a nearby table that looked like
a plate of deep fried clams.
"Say I just happen to have a copy of that right here, I'll pop it
into the VCR! " Called Steev
"I get dibs on the remote! I've always wanted to hear this
classic 'THX surround' sound!" chipped in Alota, as Steev located a
VCR and started to insert the cassette.
The colossal hamster grabbed the plate of deep fried clams and popped
a few into his mouth, munching casually while muttering, "Hey, these
are pretty good. Wish I had some tarter sauce to go with 'em."
"Your just going to let them destroy everything?" asked Keto a little
louder this time.
"Shh! It's starting!" Said Steev.
"Don't any of you realise what's going to happen?!?" Screamed Keto
with his veins on his forehead showing a bit.
Alota elbowed Keto in the ribs while saying, "Shut up and watch the
movie, Blubber Butt! Hey, Did anyone make some popcorn?"
"I think I can warm up a batch on the back of this 21 inch whole room
heater/monitor combo they've got here." Replied Steev.
Fuming that nobody was paying him anymore attention, Keto turned away
and sat off to the side in silence as 'Wargames' started and the
lights dimmed.
----------------
<1 Hour 53 Minutes later as the show ended much to the dispair of
some silivating Eniram Warmongers in the room.>
"Was that really a Wopr? No wonder Burger King didn't catch on to
well!", asked Steev humorously.
"Well, that show was certainly a Whopper!", said Alota in a spasm of
giggles.
"Oh, some of those lines were rich - 'I'll piss on sparkplug...'"
said the large hamster as he start guffawing loudly.
"Where is the disarming keys for the great missile?" Demanded one of
the Eniram Warmongers suddenly.
"What disarming keys?" asked Keto suddenly alarmed.
"The ones that were right here." Replied another Eniram Warmonger
pointing to a plate with a few batter crumbs remaining on it.
"Oh don't tell me!" Said Keto with a look of horror on his face.
"You mean those delicious deep fried clam strips that I just ate?",
remarked the huge hamster looking distressed.
"Those were special chemically enhanced clams that gave thier lives
so they could serve as our genetically marked failsafe devices. They
were to be our only means of deactivating our great missile after the
12 hour ignition." replied the Eniram who acted as the Supreme Rulers
translator earlier.
"Um, You wouldn't happen to have any Ipecac syrup on you, Would you?"
inquired WW as he turned to the group of Dwarfers. As Keto's smirking
gaze settled upon him, and the huge hamster cringed as he suddenly
realised what was likely in store.
<NNNnneeeexxxttt!>