(no subject)

Blue Dwarf - Somewhere not far from back up crew storage.
Time – Between mealtime and running exercises. (What do you expect -
when you ask a 6ft 1in hamster, without a watch, what time it is?)
White Wolf was patrolling the area of the ship that Tiny had assigned
him to patrol, He stopped a moment to fiddle with his Vidman (TM). He
was rather puzzled that Holly seemed to have downloaded to his Vidman
(TM) nothing but TV commercials from the 60's to the 90's instead of
the Blue Dwarfs crew roster and deck plans he had requested.
As he turned a corner, he heard a silly sounding song being
sung. "Take one down, smeg it around, and we have 4,442 smegs on the
wall!", glancing distractedly at his Vidman he turned it's volume
down. It didn't get any quieter, thinking that his Vidman must be on
the fritz, he stopped and gave his Vidman a hard slap. Nope, the
songs still there. He decided he might as well turn the Vidman off,
it was no use to him anyway. After he turned it off, he noticed that
the song wasn't coming from his Vidman, but somewhere else.
Perking his ears up, White Wolf followed the sound of the singing
towards a nearby air vent. As he walked over to get a look inside the
vent, a fellow crewman walking by commented without looking at White
Wolf "Their still singing that stupid song? They've been at it all
day... DAMN rodents!" then finally noticing him (White Wolf) and
looking at his 6 foot 1 inch hamster-ish stature carrying a large
machine gun, then gulped and said embarrassed "Um... Ah... Excuse
me." and skulked off quickly.
Tipping his hat, White Wolf called after the disappearing
crewman, "And good day to you too, sir!" And hauling up his Vidman
(TM ), he recorded "Security log entry- a rodent infestation is noted
below decks." Realizing he needed to clarify his report he
continued "By, ahh, rodents other than myself... Um, that is smaller
rodents... than myself." Clicking Vidman (TM ) record mode off, he
muttered "What am I saying? Most rodents will be smaller than me!"
Just then, a couple of crewmen frantically ran by him, one
yelling "I don't believe it!". White Wolf ran after him, and
yelled "What is it?". And the man with a nametag 'Bill' on his
uniform stopped, looking at White Wolf for moment and muttering "It's
gotta be the hormones, everythings getting bigger and smarter around
here... What will it be next?"
"What is it?" White Wolf repeated.
"Oh, yeah... There's intruders in the back up crew storage area
stealing our lawyers!"
White Wolf hesitated for a moment, and then replied "Well, these
intruders can't be all the bad, their taking away our lawyers."
"But these intruders are cockroaches!"
"Cockroaches? Well, that explains why they want the lawyers! They
shouldn't be a problem, I'll go down and see if I can't just get rid
of them myself."
"Sure... You go right ahead!" yelled Bill as he ran around the corner.
White Wolf then continued down the corridor, and spotted one of huge
bugs ripping open one of the walls. Eyes going wide, White Wolf
muttered "I'll have to make it a point to talk to the exterminator
about his use of steroids in his pesticides!" and unshouldering his
machine gun, "I think this calls for a little *primitive* Morse code
communication!"
Firing off a short burst that the spelled out "Halt" in Morse code at
the bug, and seeing all the bullets merely bounce off it's armour.
White Wolf added, while looking somewhat surprised, "And he
definitely needs cut down on the vitamins in his pesticide!" Then
quickly shouldered his gun while the huge bug lets out a hideous
screech and springs for him. White Wolf ducks, dropping to all fours
as the bug slams into the wall above him.
White Wolf bolted across the floor doing what a hamster is best at,
getting away from something trying to get a hold of him.
Seconds later as he's darting down the hallway with the big bug in
hot pursuit, White Wolf nearly stumbles as he activates his comm.
unit to inform security.
"Security here. What seems to be problem?" Tiny responded on the comm.
Breathlessly White Wolf called back, "This is Lt. White Wolf, Sir.
I'm being chased by big cockroach."
"A big cockroach, you say, Why didn't you just step on it and kill
it?"
"Because it's much bigger than I am sir!"
"Oh, in that case, head towards the hanger deck. I'll send some other
security officers down to help you destroy it."
"Yes sir." replied White Wolf, turning and darting towards the hanger
deck while thinking "I hope I don't become some bugs hamster-pate'
before then!"