Major Harris 'Could have gone to jail but no, I'm stuck on a planet

The Planet Ffion
Starbug 2 (I throught it was a Blue Midget that James and Doom took?)
Harris sat in the cockpit of the ship flicking playing cards into a upturned space helmet.
"Ah, that feels good." Lloyd commented as she entered the cockpit, dying her damp hair with a towel and dressed in a clean uniform.
"Found the showers then." Harris stated.
"I had to get that bug juice off, it was starting to stink and the sand was starting to get itchy." Lloyd told the Major as she settled into the co-pilot's chair.
"Where's Death Wish?" Harris asked as he started to shuffle the pack of cards.
"He tried to hang himself with a hammock only it was too long and he hit the floor, knocking himself out cold." Lloyd reported.
"Lloyd." Harris said in a tone that worried Lloyd.
"Err, yes Gov?" Lloyd responded.
"You haven't been send laxatives to that pitiful excuse of a captain Cannon have you?" Harris asked.
"No, Gov." Lloyd answered. "If I were every to try anything like that I would try to be more imaginative."
"Good." Harris commented still shuffling the playing cards. "I'll remember that when the next time some imaginative prank is pulled off."
"Oh bugger." Lloyd muttered knowing she had just put her foot in it.
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Aboard the Blue Dwarf
Donover hated this. First some false red alert was sounded causing mass panic around the ship and then it was shifted down to yellow alert as something was now hovering in front of the ship.
Jackson had managed to bring order back to the ship by some feat of a miracle and security was now being posted around the ship. Guess who Donover got stationed close to, Mad Mich MacCloud of all people, who normally worked nightshift keeping everyone awake with his bagpipe playing but because of the current situation every security officer was placed on active duty.
The sound of McCloud's BAD bagpipe playing echoed around the corridors driving everyone insane. If there were to be another invasion of the ship McCloud's bagpipes would most likely drive the invaders away.
Now all there was to do was wait to see what happened next.