You've convinced me

Cerebrum was seated at his desk, getting ready for his eventual
meeting with the Captain. He was currently working on accounting
matters, trying to make his expenses seem bigger than they really
were. This may seem contrary to common sense, but think about it for
a minute. If he had low expenses, he wouldn't be likely to get a
great big budget, would he? One important thing to remember is that
every department makes an effort to always be over their budget. If
they're under budget, then it might get reduced, and the stature of a
department is determined by how big it's budget is and how much it is
over that budget.
Anyway, Cerebrum was seated at his desk when three security guards
came in through his door that was always open. Some of the hydraulics
had gotten jammed up and he was waiting for engineering to fix it.
"Lieutenant Edwards wants you to hand over the tape and the
recorder," the first one said.
Cerebrum looked up from his papers, where he had just been tweaking
the stationary expenditures upwards. "You know, it is customary to
knock before entering a room, and also to introduce oneself as well
as-"
The guard smashed his large fist down on the desk, cracking it
slightly.
"But we can dispense with those formalities in this instance. Now,
the tape and recorder you saw. I'm sorry, but those are my property,
you can't have them."
Several seconds of mindless violence later
"You've convinced me," Cerebrum said, mentally determining that four
of his ribs were cracked, then opened the drawer and handed them
over. The security guards left, looking pleased with themselves.
[You just handed the evidence over,] the Appendix sent, [How're you
going to get a budget now?]
"Well, it wasn't as if I had a choice," Cerebrum said. He stood up,
woozily, then walked over to the security camera. "Oops," he said as
he accidently tripped, grabbed a chair to support himself, and then
accidently smashed the camera with a chair until it was in a million
different pieces. All by accident, of course, he would never do that
on purpouse.
"We don't have to worry about the evidence," he said as he opened a
cabinet door. Inside the cabinet were five hundred digital sound
tapes, "I had a few copies made of the original," as he removed one
and placed it in his pocket. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going
down to the medi-bay to get some medical attention, and then to file
a complaint."