Bring me ointment!

"Now then, what seems to be the problem?" asked Dr Keto, as Bob
Michaels hauled himself uncomfortably up onto the examining table,
wincing involuntarily.
"Ah! It's...my chest! It's like it's on fire!" gasped Michaels,
eyes closing in pain. Dr Keto nodded understandingly.
"Hmm, yes...any aches in the upper arms? Occasional bursts of
coloured light in front of the eyes? Tiny spasms in the hands? Loss
of bladder control?"
Michaels stared up at him for a second, then said, "Uh...well..."
"Sounds like a case of lower body diastemic transfibrillation of
the lower cortex," nodded Dr Keto, "Nearly always fatal. You're
lucky you came to see me when you did."
"F...fatal?!" stuttered Michaels, a moment before wincing again as
his lungs twinged. "Wh...how...is there anything you can do?"
"Yes, absolutely!" nodded Dr Keto, smiling again, "There's no need
to panic! A case caught as early as this is easily curable!"
"Oh, thank God!" wheezed Michaels, eyes closing in thankfulness.
"What's the treatment?"
"I have just the thing..." relied Dr Keto, and turned away for a
second. Michaels thanked his lucky stars that he'd come to this
doctor straight away, without delay.
"Here, place this on your head and chest three times a day,"
directed Dr Keto, turning back with a bottle full of clear liquid.
"It may tingle, but it'll do you a lot of good in the long run."
"What is it?" asked Michaels, warily. Dr Keto's smile just grew
wider.
"Ointment," he said, nodding confidently. Michaels shrugged, and
struggled to his feet.
"Well, if you say so, doctor," he replied, "Thank you very much."
"Just doing my job," said Keto, as Michaels shuffled out of the
room. Turning back to his tray, he corked the bottle and put it
away. As always, his momentary clarity gave him the impression that
something was wrong, but was replaced once more by sheer confidence
that his course of the ointment called, "Ultra-Hair Gro Formula 7000"
would work with no problems whatsoever. Within a week, Michaels
would be as fighting fit as ever!
=======
[NRPG]: Well, Dr Charles Keto is aboard and using his ointments as of
today! And please, if there are any problems, just say. Nearly
anything can be cured with enough ointment.