The first test

"Are you sure that this is safe?" asked the worried crewmember, who
was currently lying on Cerebrum's couch while hooked up to a jury-
rigged apparatus. The crewmember was one of the patients whom
Cerebrum had interviewed earlier and had been randomly selected to
test out his new equipment.
"Of course it's safe. It's highly advanced technology," said Cerebrum
in a calm voice, while trying to figure out what was wrong with the
readings on the display. He had spliced two cranial analyzers into
the lifsign monitor, so that instead of monitoring lifesigns, itn
gave information concerning the subject's brain. A good idea in
theory, but it would have probably worked better in practice if
somebody who knew something about electronics had put it together
"But it's hooked together with duct tape!"
"The bits that aren't duct tape are advanced technology. I built it
myself."
"Then why aren't those wires attached to anything?" the crewmember
said while pointing at the problematic wires.
"What wires? Oh, those wires," Cerebrum said, then quickly hooked
them up to the monitor, "that explains why this screen here said you
were dead."
After a few minutes of careful examination of the read-outs, Cerebrum
realized that this crewmember's brain, for some reason, was arranged
very differently from the normal brain. It was amazing and demanded
further research into the phenomenon, why it existed, what were the
changes due to it and, most importantly, how to make money off of it.
A few minutes of research later indicated that the monitor was upside
down, which explained why he had had a hard time reading the numbers.
A few minutes later, after turning the monitor right side up,
analyzing the reports and numbers, collecting data and referring to
the books, 'Psychiatry made Easy', 'How to be a Psychatrist in Ten
Easy Steps' and 'Insanity for Dummies.'
"There's a chemical imbalance in your brain. That's what causes you
to become extrordinarily paranoid every six hours. You need to take
two pills of Drantium-Calvate with every meal, and to come back here
next week for electro-shock therapy."
"What do I need electro-shock therapy for?"
"It's a well known fact to me that large amount of electricity run
through a human body cures insanity. Once I run the electricity
through your body about forty-five times, I'll be able to pronounce
you fully cured. Of course, for the small sum of three hundred
dollarpounds, I'll pronounce you fully cured once you start taking
those pills."
The crewmember was insane (and stupid) enough not to recognize this
for what it was, blackmail, but instead thought it was a good deal.
He forked over the cash and Cerebrum handed over the pills.
"Thank you for your patronage, come again whenever you feel that
you've gone mad, insane or have additional personalities. I'll be
here," Cerebrum said, while pocketing the money. Not bad takings for
one appointment, he thought, a few more like this and he would be
able to buy a real electro-shock device, instead of having to use the
one he had rigged up with the cold fusion generators and high voltage
wires ripped out of the wall. He wondered briefly if anybody in the
medi-bay had noticed they were gone, but dismissed that thought as
unlikely and instead focused on important matters, like figuring out
how to get by the billing regulations that required all bills to be
cleared by the department head.