A Psychic Appendix? It Could Happen...

> "Why do you always have to point out the truth? Can't you just
> let one false accusation slip by?" asked Keto angrily.
Above them, there was another hiss as the appendix dropped another
few inches, melting through another steel girder.
"Gods, I feel like I'm in Hell," muttered Keto, "Dripping acid,
living organs and some demonic hellspawn trying to use me as a
shield...let GO of me!"
"It's getting closer!" yelped Wildflower, merely ducking further
back against the wall and shielding herself with Keto's jacket.
"No, really?!" shouted Keto, as a glob of acidic goo dripped onto
his shoe and melted the toes of it, "Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Do something!" said Wildflower.
"Fine!" snapped Keto, and suddenly grabbed Wildflower, swung her
around and threw her towards the door. It opened, she tumbled
through, and it snapped shut again behind her.
"Thank God I've got rid of the biggest problem," muttered Keto.
Turning, he stared up at the appendix. It was even larger now,
almost six foot in height from what he could see. To himself, Keto
sighed.
"What could possibly have caused this?" he wondered.
"It was your ointment," said a voice suddenly, "It reacted with the
polypeptide chain remnants contained within myself and started a
mutation."
Keto blinked.
Keto blinked again.
"Hang on one second," he murmured, "Am I going insane?"
"Oh, quite possibly," said the voice, "What are the symptoms."
"Well..." said Keto, not quite believing he was talking to a
disembodied voice, "For a start, I'm hearing a strange disembodied
voice, and there's a giant appendix hanging above my head and melting
through the ship. Does that make me insane?"
"That? Oh, no," said the voice, "And, by the way, I prefer the
term 'animated internal organ'. It fits better."
Keto looked up.
"YOU'RE THE APPENDIX?" he screeched.
"Animated internal..."
"YOU'RE THE APPENDIX!" he screeched again, with slightly more
conviction. "I...I...I...you...it.......HOW?"
"I already explained. Your ointment..."
"No, no, no! I understand that part!" said Keto
hurriedly, "But...you're talking to me. In my head. Using
thoughts...you're telepathic?"
"Yes," said the appendix, "I have achieved sentience."
Keto, lost for anything real to say, managed, "Well, you're an
improvement on most of the medibay, then."
There was silence for a second. Then, as another acidic globule
detached itself from the appendix above, Keto cleared his throat.
"Now look," he said, "Couldn't you kind of stop melting through the
ship? Not that it really bothers me that much, except for the facts
that (a) I'm directly underneath you and (b) if you melt through the
ship, I won't be able to breathe."
"Certainly," announced the animated organ, and the faint hissing
above Keto's head stopped, "I was merely doing so in order to gain
entry to this room. I believed that you and Miss Wildflower were in
trouble and somewhat distressed."
"And so you decided to melt through the ceiling to calm us down?"
snapped Keto, temper resurfacing as his mind accepted that he might
not die, "Not the most intelligent thought in the world, really!"
"I am, as you pointed out, an appendix," said the appendix
coldly, "We're not known for flights of intellectual fancy."
Fortunately for all concerned, Keto's reply was cut short by
Shakespeare's voice.
"Thy appendixeth dost dwell here!" he called, and Keto suddenly saw
Shakespeare's face peer through part of the hole in the ceiling.
"Charles?" he said, surprised, "Beeth that thyself?"
"No, you imbecile," growled Keto, "It's the smegging Tree. OF
COURSE IT'S ME!"
"What be thy purpose in that place?"
"I'm composing a twelve-piece orchestra set with extra flute
accompaniment. I was looking for the appendix, you fool!"
Shakespeare frowned, and glanced sideways at the giant, pulsating
lump of flesh beside him.
"Methinks thy goal hath been achieved," he said.
"Look, we have to get it back to the medibay without anybody
noticing!" snapped Keto.
"Oh, and I suppose a six-foot appendix just rolls down the corridor
every day!" replied Wildflower.
They were all standing in the rotting room. The appendix had
melted its way down to their level, and now they stood around it,
Keto pacing worriedly back and forth.
"I believe..." began the appendix's voice, ringing throughout their
heads, but Keto interrupted.
"Perhaps if we covered it in something and pretended we were
starting a new Robot Wars competition..." he mused, then shook his
head, "No, they'd never fall for that."
"That is true, but..." began the appendix once more.
"Maybe if we rolled it along and pretended it was soem kind of
experiment...no, someone would be bound to ask what it was supposed
to do..."
"But perhaps..." said the appendix, desperately.
"What about if..." began Keto once more, and the giant mound of
flesh quivered.
"LISTEN!" shouted the appendix's voice. They all turned to stare
at it, Keto stopping in mid-sentence.
"I don't need to be disguised," it continued quietly, "I want a
job."
There was a long pause.
There was another long pause.
After yet another long pause, the appendix decided it had better
speak again.
"I am sentient," it said defiantly, "I deserve a job as much as the
next...organism."
"As what?" asked Keto sceptically, "I do hope you're not planning
to run for captain."
"I notice that you don't appear to have a ship's psychiatrist,"
said the appendix, ignoring Keto, "And I'd like to apply."
"You think talking to an animated bodily organ is going to
stabilise people's mental health?!" exclaimed Keto, "If you do, then
it's *you* who needs to see a psychiatrist!"
"I am psychic," said the appendix, "I can read minds. I can see
the problems that people face, and I can help them with them."
"Methinks the idea couldeth be a sound one," put in Shakespeare
thoughtfully. Keto sneered.
"So do I. We *do* need a psychiatrist," nodded Coffey. Keto
sneered slightly less.
"And besides, what else are we going to do with it?" asked
Wildflower.
All of them turned to look at Keto.
The sneer faded, and he closed his eyes.
Keto stepped out of the darkness into the lighted corridor,
glancing both ways.
"It's clear!" he barked, and Shakespeare, Coffey and Wildflower all
followed, rolling the appendix along the floor.
"There is no need for secrecy," said the appendix mentally as it
was rolled over and over, "The crew will come to accept me as one of
them, I am sure!"
"And it claims it can read minds!" growled Keto.
"Someone approaches," announced the appendix, and immediately
everyone froze, "I can sense them, marching along a corridor towards
us..."
They all glanced from side to side. There was no ready exit.
"Remember, if anybody asks," said Keto quickly, "It's just a
really, really big cuddly toy!"
They all glared at him.
"All right, all right, it was just an idea!" he said defensively,
and folded his arms, "So it's the psychiatrist. Great. If I lose my
job over this I'll kill you all."
"Here they come," said the appendix.
=============
OOC: So, who steps into the corridor and sees the medibay staff with
a giant appendix? Anyone? Come on, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
here!
Btw, you may get this one twice. I hate Yahoo.