On Her Majesty\'s Medical Service

Rpg:
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Who: Lots.
Where: Starbug.
When. Doesn't matter.
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Shakespeare nodded to Alota.
"Yes, thank thou for thy advice. It's much appreciated," he said.
He stood up, a noise attracting his attention. It seemd to be like
a human grunting. The ship tilted and turned, the mass of passengers
in the aft section almost falling over each other.
"Sorry guys," called Chrysler from the cockpit section. "My finger
slipped."
"Eyes on the road!" screamed Keto seated at the science officers
section. He slapped his forehead at the driving and drew glares from
Chrysler and Kayn who were driving the Starbug. DJ was seated at the
navicomp flicking a few swtiches idly.
"Why do you have to be the science officer?" asked Kayn.
"Because," replied Keto through gritted teeth, before turning to
the montior. Kayn and Chrylser were silent for a minute.
"Because what?" they asked in unison.
"Becasue I have the degree, *Pilots*," he said smugly.
DJ rolled her eyes.
"Can't you ever be nice to someone?" she asked.
"I'm not even going to grant you the honour of giving that question
an answer," said Keto.
"You just did," pointed out DJ.
Keto scowled.
Shakespeare concentrated his hearing to locate the bizarre sound
and wandered over to a stack of boxes.
"Whatcha up to, doc?" asked ALota, unsure why Shakespeare was
cupping his ears and keeping low to the ground.
"I caneth hear some'st thing," he declared. "I know not what thou
sound be, but'st sound odd."
He pulled away a stack of crates to see Zodar curled up in a small
ball. He was unravelling slowly and making weird grunts as he did so.
"Are thou'st fine?" asked Shakespeare, concerned for his crewmate.
"Ah, what hit me? Feels like a couple of planets have tap danced a
fandango on my brain," he said moaning.
"Mayst thy ran into the wall?" suggested Shakespeare helpfully
whilst taking hold of Zodar's arm and pulling him to his feet.
"Or e's 'ad a bit too much to drink, like me," giggled Chen.
"Sit down thou!" commanded Shakespare. "Sillyeth man."
"Are thou going'st to be'eth okay?" asked Shakespeare easing Zodar
gently on a free seat.
"Maybe, just don't give me any ointment," he pleaded.
Shakespeare laughed.
The bug raised out of the planets' atmosphere leaving behind the
weird temple, weird beasties and the spandexed morons. The away team
relaxed gradually, thankful they were returning to their home, the
Blue Dwarf. Only one thing bothered them. How were they going to
get back Whitewolf, Cubie, and Zack Richards when they didn't even
know when they had gone to.
They'd find the answer somehow.
After a couple of hours with Keto slowly becoming more annoyed at
Kayn and Chrysler's deliberate poor driving, whilst the rest of the
team enjoyed being back in safe territory.
"Approaching the Biggest Blue Dump in the universe," Chrysler said
grinning.
"Home sweet home," replied DJ.
"Ah, holosuite's and parrotts," said Kayn.
"They better not have so much as scratched my medibay," growled
Keto.
The Starbug flew towards the slowly parting cargo bay doors and
down the long gangway, spinning 360 degrees everythime Keto made a
comment about their piloting. the bug turned the correct way up and
hovered in the air before slowly touching down on the landing pad.
There were a brief few flickers of the bruner's as the Starbug
slowly shut down before the humming of the engine's disappeared
fully. There was a swoosh as the doors opened and the crew
disembarked from the green ship and began their way to their
quarter's, their departments or the toliet facilties.
As Chrysler jumped from the ship he called to Alota who was a few
feet away.
"Alota," he called.
She stopped and turned on her heel looking for the person who
called her name.
"Yes, Jay," she said when she located him.
"I still have a debt to settle, I owe you a drink," he said.
"Oh yes," said Alota smiling. "For the saving of you life."
"Yes, and I was thinking that I might be able to repay this debt at
about 9:00 tomorrow evening in Parrott's? How does that sound?"
"It sounds like a good deal," she said, laughing. "I'll see you
then."
She turned aroudn again and walked for the cargo bay doors. Jay
allowed a large smile to cross his face before locking the Starbug
and following the rest of the happy crew.
Keto rushed into the medibay and immediately began looking up and
down for any broken bottles or destroyed walls or smashed desks.
When he was satisfied he calmed down and noticed that Hazel Coffey ws
standing by a medibed and looking down at the prone figure of a man.
Shakespeare enetred a few mitnutes later, breathless.
"Thou'st can run," he panted. He looked up to see Coffey.
"Fairest Hazel!" he smiled and ran over to her, sweepign her up in
his arms.
"William, you're back," she smiled, equally happy.
"Yes, and none too worsee'th for thy wear," he smiled.
Keto was at his seat and drinking a small expresso.
"So what's the deal with the guy?" he asked, pointing to the body
on the bed.
Shakespeare and Coffey stopped kissing and turned to the the bed.
"My god," said Shakespeare. "No, it cannot be'th!" he stammered.
"What's up with you, lunatic?" asked Keto.
"Thou body, is but Jacob Stone!" said Shakespeare, "But no, it
cannot be, why ith he here Hazel? He's not dead, ist he?"
Coffey looked at the floor sadly.
"No, he's not dead William. but he might as well be. Poor Jacob
here is in a severe coma. It's unlikely that he'll wake up from it."
Shakespeare looked horiffied.
"No, not Jacob Stone, this cannot be true," continued Shakespeare.
"What the hell are you whining about Lawrence you didn't even know
the guy."
"Nay, I was maketh it a priority of mine. I hath viewed his
medicla records and ship records. He wath a truly magnificent man,"
said Shakespeare. "His favourite quote kept'st me smiling in thy
dark days: 'Danget mom, it's not the basement it my batcave.'"
Shakespeare began laughing and wiped a sole tear from his eye.
"Howeth did it happen, Hazel?" he asked.
"One of the skutters found him lying in a corridor. it turns out
that he went up to one of the vending machines and asked for
something. But his speech was so garbled that the machine didn't
understand. After Jacob kept insisiting for the machine to deal with
his gibberish request, the vending machine got annoyed, synthesised a
wellington boot which it then shot at high speed twoards Jacob's
head. He was severely hit on the head and lay there for a few hours
till Skutter: Gregorian Van Smelter the III found him and brought him
here. I've been tending to him the past day," replied Coffey.
"He wath a good man," said Shakespeare, looking down at the
peaceful Jacob Stone.
Shakespeare looked up at the ceiling and cast his mind back to
Jacob Stone's classic moments.
----------------Flashback to Some of the Best Stone Bits--------------
'Jacon Sits in Bell's Room and look Throught The Collection of porn
Bell had built now that he been making a bad ass attitude. Stone
Greets Bell. Stone was in a dark corner of the room petting a stuff
cat because he thought it made him look dangerous.'
Shakespeare laughed at the memory.
'Jacob goes to the bar to engages in Polite conversation
(translations get hammed and end up hitting people with chairs) He
sit down at the Pub and thinks. It a Robot competition. He could
enter and maybe win some money.. He was engeneer afte all. That if
was money. Know this ship they just give your Tea and cake. Maybe who
could steal the money... no no he stopped that. But maybe if just
saying if he decided to make just a venture he could get help and
maybe no one will find out. a robot helper or disguise of hacking in
the Holog program. No but how could he seek so low. That beyond a man
of his standarrd. He smiles and some wicked smile and drinks.'
Shakespeare's laugh was replaced by a welling up of sadness.
'Stone - I can't help but notice that your a little upset at thing
going on round here. Hey I don't blame you. The food bad, and your
always getting attack by sex craze Gelfs. I'm telling you something
aint right when you cabn't make lvoe to a woman without worrying
about her turing into a muffin right in the middle of it. Try
explaining that to someone when then open the door and all they see
is your Jimmy in the muffin.
Bell- is there a point to all this?'
Shakespeare began crying, knowing there was a possibility they had
lost such a great man: Engineer Jacob Stone.
----------------------------End Flashback-----------------------------
Keto rolled his eyes and shook his head as Coffey hugged
Shakespeare who was creating a small flood. Wishing for someone
slightly sane and intelligent to enter the medibay that instant. On
cue, the doors parted and the Big Pink Tree bounded in.
"Oh god," moaned Keto. "Get away from me, shrub," he shouted. The
Big Pink Tree sadly jumped into a corner and dropped against the
wall. Keto took another gulp from his drink and found himself
feeling a little bit better.
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Non Rpg:
In case anyone is wondering what the hell I'm doing talking about
Stone like this, it's becasue I noticed Jacob Stone's player had not
added his email address to the roster base and is no longer with us.
It makes me sad because his posts always managed to crack me up for
ten minutes or so (their content mixed with the bizarre spelling) and
so now we've lost him, we won;t have that touch of really odd
oddballness that Jacob Stone and Chris B brought to the group.
Jacob Stone, I'll miss you.
-S. Mathew Mayer (Your biggest fan)