Lt. Jason Smegg: "Plinking asteroids is fun. Defender sucks!"
Lt. Smegg sat on the bridge of the starbug Kieran Loes was piloting. They
were going to investigate a distress signal coming from inside an
asteroid. Why an asteroid would be sending out a distress signal, he
didn't know. Asteroids were not usually known for their intelligence. As
far as he knew (he was not after all an exobiologist) they had no pain
receptors. They tended to usually just float around in space and bump
into things. In that way they were quite similar to overbred French
poodles.
But Jason, as an engineer, wouldn't have much to do for a while until
Kieran finally locked in on the source of the signal. So he took some
equipment he'd been messing with in his spare time and went back to the
cargo bay. It would be a perfect opportunity to test his new gizmo.
He set up a video link to the ship's main viewer and began to install a
device he'd built. It was a "Gaussian shotgun", a weapon which was
supposed to fire a spray of neobium magnets when its main superconducting
coil was induced with a current. He'd been working on it since the
mercenaries had attacked the ship, figuring that the ship ought to have
some sort of defensive weapons against any future attackers.
The weapon was installed. All Smegg had to do was find a suitable target.
Well, let's see, there are lots of... asteroids here! He waited for an
asteroid to move into the viewscreen, then pushed the fire button.
BLAM! The shuttle jolted forward as several dozen bulges appeared on the
muzzle of the cannon.
WHO PUT THE AMMO IN BACKWARDS?!!! Smegg thought. Then he realized that he
was the only one who had touched the gun. Oops.
Moments after the explosion, Kieran's voice came over the intercom. "What
the hell are you doing back there? That shock almost slammed us into an
asteroid!"
"Oops... sorry." Smegg hated to always be the one to mess up and have to
meekly apologize. But then he remembered Steev MacKenzyyyyy and was
confident again. "Just testing something I've been working on since I
don't have anything else to do."
"Well as long as it doesn't get us killed..." Loes said.
So Lt. Smegg inspected the weapon and saw that it should be able to
test-fire again. He was glad he'd taken the trouble to put an extra layer
of duridium plating on the weapon in case of such a mishap. Otherwise the
bullets could have penetrated a bulkhead and possibly caused an
atmosphere leak, which would be a Very Bad Thing. These starbugs weren't
usually constructed to be very tough. Cheap mining companies.
He loaded the ammo once again, making sure to put the red end FORWARDS
this time - another accident and the thing just might actually blow -
secured the locking clamps, waited for a suitable target, and pressed the
fire button.
The weapon went "Pluddut!" Just like in that computer game, Smegg
thought.
The spray of metallic projectiles was flung out of the ship at nearly
light speed, and almost instantaneously they collided with an asteroid.
The asteroid split into several fragments. But in the center of the
former asteroid, there was a strange orb with a swirling greenish
translucent glow to its surface.
Kieran's voice came over the intercom again. "What the hell are you up to
this time?!"
Smegg tried to remain calm: "Like I told you before, testing a gizmo I've
been working on."
"Well you never told me it was a WEAPON! I just found the distress signal
and now you go and blow up the asteroid that it's coming from!"
"oops" - Smegg didn't have an excuse this time.
"We're just lucky that the beacon was automated and it didn't blow up
too!"
"Well I did make our job easier because we won't have to get out the
mining gear to get at it..."
(Sound effects taken from: Master of Orion II; me)
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"We are... two bold and stupid men!"
- Dirk Perfect and Guido Crescendo
Itinerant Swordsmen and
Instructors in the Art of Gentlemanly Behavior