OOC - The flan; ZZT

New folks can ignore this:
Hey Lonewolf/Kayn - Whatever happened to the Plan/Flan? Used to see an
update every once in a while... if you gave up on it could you at least
tell everybody what it was going to be, maybe someone would pick it up.
Speaking of projects... in case anyone was wondering (yeah right) I
haven't done anything on the Red Dwarf ZZT game lately; the ZZT thing
turned out to be a bit of a one time thing for me. Maybe I'll get back to
it someday though... I have a tendency to do that, too...
Stuff that was going to go in the ZZT game:
**********
(The beginning)
Lister: Unnnh...
Holly: Dave, it's important.
Lister: Wot is it tis time Hol? It's not another "cloaked planetoid" that
turns out to be an empty sector is it?
Holly: No, Dave. Come over here a little closer so we can talk.
Lister: So wot did ya wake me up for this time?
Holly: It's the scutters Dave.
Lister: Well, what about the scutters?
Holly: They're on strike.
Lister: WOT?! Scutters, on strike? Ya mean like holdin' up little picket
signs that say "WE WANT MORE ELECTRICICTY"???
Holly: Yes, Dave, and in fact that's exactly what they say. They've got a
big rally going on on deck 256.
Lister: Holy smeg!!!
Holly: And they also kidnapped Kryten and the Cat as hostages until we
give in.
Lister: What about Rimmer?
Holly: I took him off line until we can get this crisis solved. So he
wouldn't get hurt. The strikes are getting kind of violent and you know
scutters have energy manipulatiors that can severly harm even a
hologram..
Lister: So how the smeg are we supposed to solve this thing?
Holly: Don't look at me, I haven't got any hands! This is YOUR adventure!
Lister: Oh smeg.
************
(Lister activating various holograms on file)
Hollister: Huh? Am I dead or something? LISTER!!!!! Nine months garb--
You quickly shut off the hologram.
Lister: Holy smeg, it's a doppleganger!
Lister2: Ya took the words right outta me mouth.
You chat with yourself for a while then get bored and shut down the
program.
Lister: Chrissy, will you go out with me?
Kochanski: Not if you were the last man alive!
Lister: But I am --
Kochanski: Shut up!
You shut off the hologram.
Lister: Hmm, "SPEARS, B." I didn't know SHE was on the crew...
Computer: Alert! Alert! Access Denied! This file is for the Captain's
eyes only! Alert! Alert!
************
(Lister begs with yet another incarnation of Ace Rimmer)
Lister: But how the smeg do I get through? Look at them, half the gelfs
are shooting at me and the other half are - ugh - making new gelfs!
Ace: You must...
Lister: Go on!
Ace: You must... ugh!
Lister: I must ugh?
Ace: Augh!
Lister: Ugh augh?
Ace: I'm DYING, you idiot!
Lister: I must ugh augh I'm dying you idiot. Well a whole lot of good
THAT does me!
(OK I know someone here HATES the show where I got this from; hopefully
he won't recognize it...)
************
(The Cat reveals his name!)
Lister: You know, Cat, there's one thing I always wondered about you.
Cat: Yeah, what's that?
Lister: What's your NAME? I mean, all this time we've been calling you
"Cat". But you must have had some sort of name.
Cat: What fo?
Lister: You know, to distinguish you from all the other cats.
Cat: My momma, she just used to yell "Hey you!" And all of us little
kitties would come a-runnin'. So why would I need a name?
Lister: Well, didn't they ever call you anything? Something that they
never called anyone else?
Cat: Well, come to think of it, I think they did call me something once.
Lister: Yeah? Wot was it?
Cat: "Meowth".
(Lister's face goes red.)
Cat: What is it?
Lister: That name... oh, God, no!
Cat: What? Hey, did you expect them to call me "Archibald"? I'm a cat for
God's sake!
Lister: It reminds me of an old cartoon show...
Cat: What cartoon show...
Lister: Oh, never mind... (sob) All right I'll admit it! I had a crush on
Jessie when I was 11!
Cat: Who's Jessie? Was she on the CARTOON show? You had a crush on a girl
from a cartoon show? Hah! Now if that isn't the most pathetic...
Lister: Shut the SMEG up!
Cat: Lister had a girlfriend, Lister had a girlfriend! Tell me tell me
tell me!
Lister: Her name was Jessie, she was BAD, and boy was she HOT! And that's
ALL I'm gonna tell ya!
***********
(Lister confronts the leader of the rebellious scutters who is attended
by Kryten who is acting kind of strange)
Lister: So, scutter, wot do you want?
Scutter: Beep beep boop BEEP biddle biddle BOOP!
Kryten: Kaiser E101-Sigma demands that you call him by his full title...
"puny human."
Lister: I don't take backtalk from no scutter, you hear me?
Scutter: Biddle BEEP!
The scutter shocks Lister with an electric prong.
Kryten: Kaiser E-101 Sigma says, "we'll see about that"
Lister: Ow! Oll right, "Kaiser E-One-Oh-One Sigma", wot do ya want?
Scutter: Biddle biddle boop biddle BEEP boop boop biddle! Biddle boop
BEEP BEEP biddle biddle BOOP! Boop biddle BEEP biddle boop! Boop biddle
biddle BEEP biddle BOOP biddle biddle BEEP BEEP BOOP!
Kryten: Kaiser E-101 Sigma demands the following: First, a three hundred
percent increase in disposable electricity income. Second, a reduction in
work hours of ten hours per week. Thirdly, some new John Wayne movies for
the closet. And fourthly, the scutters no longer want to be called
"scutters" but instead "small, artificially intelligent, and generally
superior to humans, members of the engineering crew"
Lister: But that's absurd! And what have they done to you, Kryten?
Scutter: Biddle biddle BOOP beeop BOOP!
Kryten: Kaiser E-101 Sigma says that this humble robot's name is no
longer "Kryten" but "Kryt3PO".
Lister: "Kryt3PO"? What kind of a smeggy name is that?!
Scutter: Biddle BEEP!
Kryten: Kaiser E-101 Sigma says, "A very good one, puny human!"
Lister: Come on Kryten, I've got to rescue you... now if only I could
find my "Robot Reprogramming for Dummies" book... I never should have
lent it to Rimmer, he probably hid it in his locker or something after
his "revenge" on Holly for giving him a holographic wedgie last April
Fools...
Oh well, maybe I'll end up writing so much dialogue for the RPG that it
will become a fanfic instead of a game...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumb quote: "You continue to stand in the way of the Antaran Empire. You
may not surrender, you cannot win, your only option is death." - The
Antaran Supreme Commander
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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