Jail Break, Sort of

Dirk walked into the Parrot's but saw Owen with his head face down on the bar
crying like a little girl. "I don't need this shit today," he said as he turned
and walked out.
He went back to his room and brought out his TV. He had to start hiding it
since Stone had taken to wandering in unannounced. He began to watch a show
that he remembered one of his old high school science teachers showing him. He
was filled with horror once he realized that the show wasn't an educational
program designed to teach scientific principles and techniques, as his
instructor had claimed. Instead, it was a complete work of fiction called
MacGyver. No wonder his nuclear coolant system utilizing anti-freeze, pencil
shavings, and a paper clip wrapped in aluminum foil didn't work. Really bad
news for him, and lower New Jersey. But, soon, he shrugged it off, like anyone
would notice the change in lower New Jersey.
The image of Dren sitting in the cell came into Dirks mind. "Maybe I should do
something to help him get out." He got up and went back to the security
department. It was still empty. Apparently they were all still testing their
robot. He went back to the cell where Dren was being kept.
"Where have you been?" Dren demanded.
"Piss off."
"Get me outta here!"
"Why? Why should I?" Dirk asked
"Because....um...because we're friends?"
"Friends, huh? You're a real shitty friend."
"Whatta ya mean? I'm a great friend. Better than you, anyway. You left me
here to die. You just walked away and didn't bother to comeback for days."
Dirk rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. "I just left here
a little under two hours ago."
"Oh?"
"Besides, all I've done is helped you. I've given you a place to stay, great
entertainment to watch on TV, risked my ass to get your name added to the crew
roster the first time you were in here, not to mention saving your life when you
went floating off the side of the ship into space. What have I gotten for my
trouble? A backed-up toliet and conned out of 50 dollar/pounds."
Dren stood silent for a moment. "And your point?"
"Forget it. You can stay in here until we find the Red Dwarf, which by the
facts and calculations that I've made means never." Dirk turns and begins to
walk out.
"Wait!" Dren screamed. "You can't leave me here again. You've got to get me
out." Suddenly the sound of the cockroach singing "When You Wish Upon a Star"
came to Dren's ears. "I'll do anything to get out of here. Just don't leave me
with Julio the cockroach."
Dirk stopped. "Julio the cockroah??" He then turned to Dren. "Did you say
anything?"
"Yeah! Anything! Just get me out."
"Fix the toliet."
"What? Work? I didn't know you meant that," Dren sat back down. Dirk began to
walk away as Julio began to belt out "makes no difference who you AAARRRREEEE."
"Alright," Dren said as he popped back up, "I'll fix the toliet. Just get me
out of here."
"Try the door," Dirk said as he disappeared around the corner.
" 'Try the door?' What the smeg does he mean by 'try the door?' The thing's
locked. It won't do anygood to try..." Dren slammed his hand against the door
and it swung open. "I'll be damned. They forgot to lock the door." Dren
walked out of his cell with a smile on his face, until he realized that he had
spent two days in a cell, eating his own shoes when he could have walked away
the whole time.
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