Lt. Jason Smegg: "Umm, just minding my own business"
Garbage bay 10
1330 hours
-----
Lt. Smegg looked up at the arrival of the science team.
"I must formally caution you..." Marlene began to read him the rights of
person or persons presumed contaminated by hazardous toxins, then paused.
"You little bugger you. I've had a priority one request outstanding for
several hours for an engineer to come and plug something into a universal
socket that doesn't want to be. And you're down here playing with the
rubbish!"
-----
Smegg did a double take at the woman heading the science team. Not
because she was attractive. Because he knew her from somewhere. She was
the one who had asked for help fixing her printer, and also the one who
had put in that silly priority one distress call which upon opening the
message turned out simply to be a request for someone to plug in an
outdated coffee maker. Hell hath no fury...
The engineer gulped and tried to explain as an innocent little boy would.
"Um, sorry, I sort of got, um... distracted... sorry, I was just sort of
looking around in here because I was bored, I forgot about your request;
sorry!"
Cauty replied harshly: "Well you better get your ass out of that garbage
heap because there's work to do on this ship! I can't stand having all
these lazy idiots around!"
"Je no speako pas der Englandish muchos bien any-moros?"
"Well you damn well better take some remedial courses then because I have
five good reasons why you should drop the bomb and come in for radiation
screening." She held up her hand, palm facing her. "One." She curled in
her thumb. "Two." She curled in her pinky finger. "Three." She curled in
her index finger. "Four." She curled in her ring finger. She paused for
quite a while at four. Then finally she said "Five" and curled in her
middle finger as well, forming a fist. "Any questions?"
Smegg at this point noticed the insignia of an ensign on Marlene Cauty's
shoulder. "Hey, I don't have to take this from you!" he shouted, and
rolled up his sleeves.
The other members of the science team, being scientists, not security
officers, cowered in the corner, fearful of getting hurt in the fight
that would have broken out had the next event not occurred:
Lt. Smegg dropped the bomb on the floor.
And you know what happens when you drop bombs?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"We are... two bold and stupid men!"
- Dirk Perfect and Guido Crescendo
Itinerant Swordsmen and
Instructors in the Art of Gentlemanly Behavior
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