The Law

Dick sat in the "lair" feeling bad about the world. This would all end in disaster he just knew it. The others were out completing thier various tasks. He had volunteered to stay behind and take inventory. He was leafing through a well used copy of Playbabes considering his options when a reedy cough sounded from the doorway. He glanced up to see a tall alien with grey wrinkled skin and golden bug eyes staring down at him.

"The door was open so I let myself in." The creature said. "I hope that is okay."

"Erm.. Absolutely." Dick replied, wondering who on earth this could be.

"So you are in charge now?" The alien asked, stepping into the room.

"Yeah." Dick answered, trying to think of some way to take charge of the situation and send this visitor away.

"I take it that the old fellow is dead? Yes of course." The alien answered for himself seeing the look on Pornsaks face. He began to take a seat opposite Dick and paused to enquire, "Do you mind?"

Dick geastured for his unwanted guest to sit and quickly shoved his magazine into a nearby drawer. The alien gave a tight grin to show he had obviously clocked it.

"W.. why are you here?" Dick asked.

"We will get on to that." The alien waved away the question, "It should be much, much harder for people to get in here. The last guy had a killer robot, but I guess you know that, and here you are reading porn in your pants without a care in the world."

"So this is, what, blackmail? You want to take over the operation?" Dick sat waiting for an answer, he would quite happily hand the whole lot over and be off to his ship in a nano-second. This life of crime had him scattier than a bag of cats and they hadn't even started. To his surprise the visitor started to laugh, his bug eyes glistening with mirth.

"Listen Mr..?"

"Pornsak." Dick provided his name.

"Really?" The alien asked.

"You can call me Dick." If the alien had eyebrows he would have raised them.

"Mr Pornsak, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. You look surprised?"

"I erm.. I didn't know I had a lawyer." Dick stammered.

"Even criminal masterminds need lawyers, right? Especially when they have just whacked their predecessor and a senior member of local law enforcement."

Dick gulped back a curse and made to stand, but the alien raised a grey wrinkled had, "Please relax Mr Pornsak, You and you associates have inherited my services from the previous establishment. I am here to help."

"So, what, you're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?"

"Hardly." Laughed the lawyer, "I charge a significant hourly rate. In exchange for which I can ensure that your assets remain clean and readily available. I am also able to facilitate and legal entanglements, up to and including a discrete extraction from society should matters become... irretrievably complex."

"I don't understand." Dick frowned, "What exactly are you offering to do for us?"

"I am offering to help you be the best criminal mastermind you can be."

"I'm not a criminal mastermind." Dick snapped.

"Which is my point entirely. Right now you are stumbling around in the dark but with some sound advice and the proper introductions, who knows? What do you say Mr Pornsak?"

Dick glanced from the alien to the cave entrance not knowing what to say. The alien saw the look and gave a sigh.

"Monkey or organ grinder?" He asked.

"I am not a monkey!" Dick protested.

"No?" The lawyer rummaged around in his jacket and produced a card which he handed over to Dick before rising. "Please give my regards to your associates."

Dick looked down at the card which read,

"Shiltick Fawl Attorney at Law" followed by an address and number.