Big Things in Small Packages

<snip>
“Any questions?” she asked
One of the Canaries, a man with a yin-yang tattoo on his neck, raised his hand
“Do we know what the creature looks like, or how dangerous it is Ma’am?”
“No” Victoria replied tersely “Which means that there’s a good chance we’re merely being dispatched so that this things combat effectiveness can be assessed”
“Anyone else?” she waited a moment, but when there were no other questions forthcoming, nodded curtly before continuing
“Before we leave, one final word of warning: After each and every mission, you will be the subject of a full physical scan; so you can forget any ideas you may have of smuggling trophies or any contraband you may find, back into your cells. Violations of this directive will earn everyone five marks
“Additionally, each piece of equipment unaccounted for at the end of a mission earns a mark for everyone. Should ten of you fuckwits all lose your dart pistols, you will all receive a lethal ten marks” she strode across the room haul the door open “Enough chat. Let’s move out and see what you pussies are made of”

<tag>
Canaries – here’s your first assignment!
I've tagged Jaxx and Evelina since they're mentioned, but if you're in the Canaries, consider yourself tagged too
Take an elevator down to cargo bay D-98 and see if you can capture yourselves an escaped GELF
What does it look like?
How dangerous is it?
What else is down in the cargo bay?
How many of your fellow recruits die?
Williams is in actual fact one of the renegades we tangled with back in 2013, but she doesn’t appear to recognise any of you; as promised she’ll try her damnedest to keep you all alive and will probably prove to be a very useful person to know inside the prison over the coming weeks (i.e. don't go killing her) ;-P
</tag>

<snip>

After the briefing the canaries got in line out the door as Victoria Williams led them to their starting point and handed out the dart pistols. As Victoria handed Jaxx a dart pistol he asked in his Darth Vader voice, “Sorry lady guns ain’t my bag. Ya got any holowhips?” Victoria looked at Jaxx with disgust as she replied, “Shut up and get your arse to work.” Victoria held the dart pistol out to Jaxx but he just went past her into cargo deck D-98 with the others. Victoria rolled her eyes at the stupid skutter as she handed out the rest of the dart pistols. Once inside Victoria said, “Now stay close and don’t do anything stupid.” As Victoria led the squad around the cargo deck, Evelina whispered, “Jaxx why didn’t you take the gun? Your completely unarmed without your whips.” Jaxx replied in his Vader voice, “Relax Eve babe I’m totally sure I’ll find a chain or cable in here.” Evelina replied, “Ok Jaxx just be careful.” Jaxx replied, “Will do Eve babe.” Victoria turned to shush everyone, before advancing. The canaries slowly moved through the cargo bay as they searched for the monster running loose. Suddenly something quickly moved behind the group and ran off with the canary in the back as no one noticed. As Victoria continued to lead the group around the mysterious creature quickly picked off the weaker canaries in the back.

After a while Victoria turned back to say something to the canaries only to see half of them were missing. Victoria was pissed as she said, “Didn’t any of you hear anything behind you?” The remaining canaries shook their heads no. Victoria looked at Jaxx and said, “Hey skutter don’t you have any sensors?” Jaxx replied, “Oh yeah I got some seriously awesome ones.” Victoria waited and then said, “Well why aren’t you using them?” Jaxx replied, “Cause that Lindsey jerk had them turned off when he had me disarmed.” Victoria gritted her teeth as she muttered then what good are you?” Evelina interrupted, “Hey Jaxx is plenty tough.” Victoria looked at Evelina with hate as she replied, “Are you kidding he is an old model with no sensors, no weapons and an IQ of 2!” Evelina replied, “He just needs a whip or chain and he can take on anything.” Victoria then looked at Evelina and then at Jaxx and then smiled as she said, “Prove it!” Victoria saw a nice thick tow chain hanging nearby and tossed it on the floor by Jaxx as she said, “Since your girlfriend thinks your tough shit. You can be the monster bait skutter boy. Lure the monster over here so we can get a clean shot and just to keep you honest I’ll keep your girlfriend company till you come back.” Jaxx moved over to pick up the chain and rest most of it on his chasse and he heldone end with his claw head. Then Jaxx replied in his Vader voice, “She’s my wife.” Victoria was confused as she replied, “What?” Jaxx replied, “That righteous babe is my wife. I’ll totally thrash your beasty for ya and all but you keep my Eve babe safe or I’ll get mad.” Victoria scoffed at Jaxx as she said, “Yeah yeah move it lover boy.” Jaxx then headed out as the remaining canaries took cover.

As Jaxx rolled around he had an odd feeling he was being watched. As Jaxx entered an open area he saw several sacks of Absorbent Material (kitty litter). After Jaxx saw the granules leaking out of one of the large sacks he got an idea. Jaxx quickly lashed his chain around and tore the sacks to shreds. As the sacks were shredded kitty litter flew all over the open area and covered the floor. Jaxx then played the only song left in his MPG player (Yummy Yummy Yummy by Ohio Express) as he danced in the open floor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozqfOzqMvlQ

Evelina chuckled as she watched Jaxx from a distance. Victoria looked at Jaxx like he was insane as she whispered to Evelina, “Is he crazy or just really stupid?” Evelina smiled and whispered, “Yes. Isn’t he awesome?” Victoria thought to herself, “Why me?” The canaries then watched as Jaxx did a skutter dance out in the open for about a minute till the creature quickly rushed out to attack Jaxx , but slid on the kitty litter past Jaxx and into a large chemical tank. Jaxx prepared his chain as the monster stood up to reveal itself to everyone. As the Polymorph changed its shape to a Dingotang, Jaxx muttered, “You are one totally gruesome dude yo.”

TAG (To any other canaries)