The Old Old Story [FPF]

Well… They say you should face your fears… I didn’t have much of a choice.

It felt both very strange and very normal at the same time - being in Jade’s company.
We walked for a while, heading for the town.
It was hot, and dusty, and we didn’t say much to begin with.

Walk, walk, walk…
“Wish we had some water.”
“Yeah.”

Still walking…
I thought she looked a bit red in the face. “You want my t-shirt, for your head? For shade?”
She looked at it. “It’s a bit, um, sweaty?”
I shrugged. “All right, but if you change your mind, let me know.”

Walking, walking…
“Sandy, isn’t it?”
“Jacob used to call me Sandy, when we were little…“
Then I remembered she’d accused me of making Jake’s death up, and I horrified myself by saying: “You know men have feelings, right?” Out loud.
What the F*CK, Solvay? Just ‘cause I’d been thinking that the day before... No need to announce it to the world.

Jade’s expression seemed part amused, part confused, and part like she sort of got it - obscure as it was.
“I’m sorry?”
“Nuthin’.”

A little further.
“What did you mean? About men, and feelings?”
“Don’t know.”
She looked at me with one of them womanly knowledge expressions. “You do.”
Bah.
It came out as an embarrassed mumble. “I just meant that, you might not realise it, but I can feel hurt too.”

Not the kind of thing I like to admit to. Stupid Solvay.

We swooshed on through the sand, which was starting to feel surreal by this time.
The doc seemed to be thinking. I realised now was the right time to ask.
“D’you hate me?”
She pulled a face. “No? What?”
I humpfed, wishing I had a fag. "You seemed so angry.”
“When I was drunk?” She looked upset at the memory. I did not hug her to comfort her. Even though I felt like it.
“Yeh,” I said, “and since.”
“I was hurt.” She said. “And you were distant, and avoiding me.”
I nearly choked on the lack of saliva in my mouth. “I bloody was not!"
I thought I'd made an effort to try and get on with her quite a few times since we'd had... That talk. I even called her my friend in AR - and not just when I was the angel. (I don't really call anyone my friend these days. Not since a lot of stuff. The last person I called a friend, without flinching, was Gomez.)

“I wanted to talk to you” she told me “but you kept going off with other people…”
I frowned, then realised she meant with Eve. “Well I couldn’t very well let Eve go off to find Jaxx on her own…”
“Well all right, but there were other times too, like why did you also go off with Jaxx at the hotel?”
“Because Jay said the girl I was with had got out the Time Fridge in a men’s toilets! I had to go and say good bye to her!”
“Oh.” Her brow creased. “Wait, what? A girl?”
“Yeah, this girl who dragged me into a party.”
At this information, she made a small huffing noise.
“I was a bit confused at the time” I quickly explained, so she wouldn’t feel hurt.

She did a snuffly face screw up thing. “Well it's not just those times. You keep-"

Now, I may not be a bright man in some of the traditional senses, but this means I've learned other skills, like noticing things or sometimes being able to tell what people are likely to say or do. And I knew 100% what she was going to say. Not needing to hear the end of the sentence, I cut her off.
“Just because I’m doing things with other people doesn’t mean I like them better or less than anyone else. Just so you know.”
Thinking back to my recent Cass/Jade mulling, I added "It doesn't work like that."
Her eyes were wide.
“I hate everyone equally,” I joked, to lighten the atmosphere. “You know that.”
She smiled, which was nice. People don’t usually get my jokes.

“Hmm.” She shook some sand out of her hair. “So you’ve been thinking I hate you, and I’ve been thinking you’re purposely avoiding me?”
“Seems about the size of it.”
“Wow.”
“I know.” I sighed.

A weird lizard thing wriggled past.

Jade moved to avoid it. “You know… You could’ve said something… Instead of just thinking I hated you.”
“I don’t tend to talk to people that I think hate me, if I can help it.” I told her. I thought about it and felt myself frowning. “Anyway, so could you… have spoke to me, I mean. You shouldn’t just assume things without checking.”

“Okay, Mr Bossy.” She said, which made me raise my eyebrows and shut up again. She continued. “You realise this is what happens when you’re so… When you close yourself off. People can guess what you’re thinking" (she said it like 't'inkin') "but they might guess wrong.”
“Hmpf.”

It was the old old story: Boy meets girl, girl falls in... dinosaur pit, boy pulls her into gladiator sphere. Girl gets bitten by love-inducing Swamp Leech, so does boy. Girl and boy snog then try to kill each other. Girl stabs boy in leg with scissors. Girl and boy get rid of bugs, escape giant death blades, then find themselves impersonating alternate dimension versions of themselves. Both girl and boy sing eerie karaoke at a ball hosted by giant rodents, and boy thinks girl is with another boy and, hurt, asks girl to leave him alone. Equally hurt, girl gets drunk and shouts at boy. Boy and girl become confused about what’s happened and decide not to get together in case they get even more hurt. Boy begins to think girl hates him, and girl believes boy couldn't care less. Eventually boy and girl end up sitting on each other in the desert, having somehow got hurt after all.

How many times have we seen that story?

I guess it’s good to sort things out sometimes.

“I did want to avoid you yesterday…” I admitted. “But that was only because I thought you hated me.” I frowned. “And also because Cass does and she was leading the Stealth Team.”
She puffed in the heat and I offered my t shirt again. She shook her head and carried on walking, and talking.
“I thought Cass was your fri-” She paused at the look I gave her. Then she rolled her eyes, remembering I often feel weird to call people my friends. “I thought you liked Cass” she amended.
I shrugged.
I think this frustrated her.
“Argh, Alex, it’s like getting blood out of a stone.”
“Fine. Cass and I fell out before she went with Brittany. Remember?”
“That doesn’t actually mean she hates you…”
I snorted. “Whatever.”
I thought it would be disloyal to talk about it much, like gossiping, so I kept the thoughts to myself.
I already felt like the urchin was mad at me, but the other day, before we split off into teams, Eve had told me Jaxx'd asked Cass to... help me. It seemed as though she hadn't reacted or cared. That hurt, because I’d cared about her before when she’d needed it. I know I told her to smeg off in 1794, but still. I seen her say and do worse things loads of times.

That sentence came in my head again: "Men have feelings too." It's not always just about how the women are feeling.

I had been touched to learn that Jaxx cared, though, and had made a mental note to give him a nice upgrade when I got the chance.

Feeling awkward I changed the subject.

“I think we’re gonna get freckly again.”

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