Baby Crazy

With Boyd out of the lab and in Jay and Plisken's "loving" care, Artemis and The Missus finally had a chance to clean the lab.

Artemis had disassembled one of the lab centrifuges, he was cleaning the little nooks and crannies with a cotton swab, as well as countering Holly's "that's what she said" retorts whenever he mentioned cleaning the little nooks and crannies with a cotton swab. "There we go" Artie said, clearing a clump of dust from the centrifuge's gears. "Got a nice one" "Eh Artie, That's...." "If you say that's what she said one more time Holly I'm uploading that god awful Rebecca Black song into your startup routine"

Holly fell quiet. Artemis tossed the cotton swab into a waste bin and started cleaning the next gear with a new one. "Oh how I miss Mr. Cadbury" Artemis began as The Missus rolled up behind him holding something in her claw. "He always did these mediocre chores without question". The Missus placed a bundle of pictures on the table next to Artemis.

"Oh hello Dear! What's this?" Artemis took the bundle and looked through what The Missus had brought him. The first was a picture of the Dwarfers at the whiskermas ball. Artemis chuckled as he looked over the picture, remembering the fun of that night...especially when he sang Point of Know Return and got plastered during the after party. The next was a picture of Artemis and his family. Artemis' father was in the very back with his mother, who was clad in her portable treaded TV form (OCC-I imagine that it'd look like the one Holly used in Red Dwarf Series 1-2). In front of them, in order by age, was Artemis, Phillip, Jimmothy, Juanita, and that arrogant ass Percy, Artemis thought. He remembered what his father had said in the Good Morning America video, and wondered how he, MUTHER, and his siblings had fared after the Dwarf "went down". The next was a photo of Artemis and The Missus a few days after their wedding. Artemis reminisced about their wedding day. It was a small affair, only attended by some of The Missus' family and Holly. The final picture was of Artemis as a young child at his grammar school performance of Event Horizon, in which young Artie had played Dr. Weir. "Ah, that was such a fun night" Artemis commented as he remembered the performance.

Artemis was happy that The Missus had brought them, it was nice to think back to happier times, the past few days and impending time travelling rescue mission to save Cass considered. But then Artie started to put two and two together. A picture of the Dwarfers, the Pritchards, Artemis as a child, and the two of them. A picture of my father and siblings, a picture of my family, and a picture of my fellow crew Artemis thought. who are my hypothetical family, and me as a child. Artemis pondered some more. He turned to The Missus, who cocked her head and "smiled".

"Oh honey, we already talked about this" said Artemis. "We just can't have children, at least not now" The Missus' head sank. Artemis stepped off his stood and kneeled down beside her. "Honey, the only way we can have children is if I create digital chromosomes and do the process artificially, and that's not....that's just not right!"

The Missus objected. "Because...argh...I know I'm a scientist and that my entire life revolves around it, but there are limits to what I will do. I can't do what my father did and create our children, I want them to be born. Look how my siblings turned out! Phillip can't go near microwaves, Jimmothy has telepathy, Juanita came out spanish, which is weird because there isn't an inch of spanish genes in our family genealogy, Percy is an irreparable douche, and I'm psychotic. I don't want our children to turn out like that! Besides, there's no love in artificial insemination"

The Missus rested her head on Artemis' shoulder and sighed. "I know, we'll find a way..."

The door buzzer rang. Artemis stood up and went to answer the door, The Missus went back to work. Artemis slid the cover off the peephole. In front of the fisheye lens was Alex and Evelina. Artemis unlocked and opened the door. "Hello Lanky Locks, Mrs. Stone, what can I do for you?" Artemis asked. The Missus wheeled into sight, carrying a bucket in her claw.

<tag Alex/Evelina>