BSA

“Argh I’m wet...” Solvay the Fool got up and shook water off himself like a dog, with another ridiculous jingling of bells. “… Up you get.” Artemis was floundering around looking bewildered. Alex pulled him up – which was a fairly awkward and gangling affair as Artemis was very tall at 6’7.
“Thank you Lanky Locks.”
They began pulling the other stunned Dwarfers out of the shallow water.

“Eugh, I feel like I’ve lost several hit points.” Plisken rang out the hem of his soggy dress.
“Don’t worry, dude.” Jaxx told him “I’m sure someone here has the power of healing, right?”

The Dungeon Master appeared. “Very good, you have successfully gained entrance and halted the wicked ways of ScratchNSniff – you don’t want to know what he was going to do to you if you hadn’t…”
The Dwarfers exchanged worried glances. He granted them a small enigmatic smile.
“… But I had every faith you would.”

Jacky made a “Cuckoo” sign, suggesting Tregard was perhaps one fried egg short of a Triple Fried Egg Chilli Chutney Sandwich. Fortunately the Dungeon Master didn’t notice, and continued with his instructions.
“… And now you must make your way through the castle to the Chamber of Boridium, in order to gain the much needed energy required for you to venture through the next few levels and defeat the first Boss…”
Jay nodded. “Right. The first step towards eradicating the virus…”
Dungeon Master frowned. “I’m not sure about this ‘virus’ of which you speak, but indeed, it is the first true step towards freeing this land of the darkness which currently blights it.”

“All right.” Jay checked his bible and crucifix as if they were firearms. “Come on guys, let’s get going.”
“Er, Mr Jay, what about him?” Evelina pointed up at the scantily clad man who was still stuck on the chandelier.
ScratchNSniff’s face was hopeful, perhaps the band of strangers would let him down.
“Oh, he looks quite comfortable. I think we can leave him up there for now.”
“D’oh.” Scratch n’ Sniff humphed down onto his hands. “Fine, fine, whatever.” He said in his rich tones. “Off you go then, enjoy your little adventure.” He flapped his hands as if to shoo them off.

“That door looks as good as any.” Jade pointed to a large, thick, wooden door.
Plisken went over to undo the heavy bolt. Without thinking Alex said “that looks heavy m’ladeey. Why don’tcha let me?”
Plisken shot the jester a glare which was almost tangible. Solvay could almost feel it smack him in the face and realised what he’d done.
“Ah Plisken that’s awkward. I said things a dork would,”
“Yeah,” Plisken grouched. “There’s a reason for that.”
Alex was pleased to find that he could humph without it being in rhyme. “Hrmmppf.” He hauled the heavy door open for the ‘good lady’.
“Come on you tarts.” Jay said as he breezed past and through the door.
“Ah heard that!” Plisken called after him.

---

The Dwarfers soon found themselves creeping, the stone corridors were extremely dark and dank, save the flickering of occasional torches which were spotted about the place. Jade found herself clinging to Alex.
“Why you squeezing my arm?" He gave her his crinkly-eyed half-smile. "You won’t come to harm…”
“Er, because…” she wondered if she should admit her fear of the dark but found that she couldn’t bring herself to just yet.

Alex was frustrated, he wanted to converse properly and check she was okay but was stuck speaking in rhyme so he just kept quiet but gave her arm a reassuring squeeze in return.
“Shit!” Jay hissed. “Goblins!” He pointed through an internal window-space, and they could see that across the way, a horde of goblins was charging up a parallel corridor. There was an adjoining section which they’d soon be getting to, before surely turning into the corridor the Dwarfers were in themselves.
Artemis chuckled. “Ahaha! Please… Allow me! Jamie, come with?” The Artist and Jamie zipped ahead, into the adjoining section – which was fortunately even darker than the main corridors - and Artie painted a huge trapdoor in the floor. He stuck his head around the corner and his thumb up at the other Dwarfers.
Then he snuck back into the darkness and, with Jamie’s help, opened the impressive trapdoor.
The poor unsuspecting group of goblins charged around the corner and straight into the hole with various warbled screams and squawks which the Dwarfers could hear from their waiting spot. Plisken and Jacky exchanged a glance.
There was a loud thud, then Artemis and Jamie emerged around the corner brushing their hands off and grinning.
Jamie chuckled. “I don’t think we need to worry about them any more.”
Jay nodded. “Good job. Come on everyone.”

They all stalked forwards. Alex and Jade at the back of the group.
But before they could get far, Dungeon Master appeared. “Well done Artist, that was nicely played, however you may only use your power one more time on this level.”
Artie’s shoulders drooped. “Aw…”
Tregard looked like he was about to disappear, when Alex grabbed a flap of his red robe.
“Tregard a word. I’m feeling absurd…”
The DM sighed. “Yes, Fool, what is it?”
“Can I cease the rhyme, for a short time?”
Tregard pursed his lips. “Well, all right I suppose so. You may speak freely for the rest of this level, but it means that you’ll be mute for the entire next level.”
Solvay shrugged. “Okay.”
“Bazinga!” The DM waved his fingers at Alex and disappeared.
Alex wiggled his jaw.
“Hello my name is Alex.” He tried. Ah thank smeg.
Jay looked down the line of Dwarfers. “Come on Solvay, stop messing about at the back there. We’re moving on.”

---

As they tiptoed, crept, shuffled, and in Plisken’s case sashayed, their way through the hallways Jade and Alex found themselves dropping back further.
“Listen, Jade I have to tell you something.”
“Now?”
“Yes. Needs sayin'.”
“Oh shoot Alex, that doesn’t sound good…”
He gave his head an almost imperceptible little shake. The bells chimed gently.

The corridor lead the group into a medium sized room in which hung large paintings adorned with ScratchNSniff’s visage. In front of the largest was a plush, dark red sofa.
Jade looked up at Alex. “Shall we sit here?” She suggested, pleased that the room was a lot lighter than the corridors.
“But-” Alex motioned to the others up ahead as they stealthily filed out and into the next part of the corridor.
“Ah they’ll be fine. They’ve done away with the goblins. We’ll catch ‘em up…”
Alex wasn’t convinced it was a good idea, but as it was important, he shrugged and agreed.

They sat down. Solvay removed his hat with another little jingle.
Jade took a deep breath and swallowed. “Okay…”
Alex’s eyes were downcast. “This thing…”
He looked up, gesturing between the two of them. “Between you and me.”
She nodded, pulling a worried wincing expression.
He puffed air from his cheeks, as if the words were literally physically painful in his chest. Or perhaps stuck there with toffee.
“It’s…” He trailed off.
“What is it Alex?" Her breathing sounded suddenly shallower. "We don’t even really have a ‘thing’…” She quickly added.
His face was serious. So stupidly serious. “No. And I-” His voice cracked a little and he momentarily looked away and sighed again before regaining his composure and a firm eye contact.
“… And I don’t think we should.”
“… Oh.”
“Now, I don’t know whether you’re with Jamie or not, but it makes no difference.”
“… but I’m not…”
He nodded, rolled the thought around, then let out a sigh. “Okay. But this still shouldn’t happen. I’ve been so selfish, letting mysel-”
“Lettin’ yourself what? Letting yourself admit that you like me!?”
He nodded.
She pulled a face.
“How is that selfish?”
“It’s not fair on either of us darlin’.”
“But Alex!"
He pulled a kind of sad, awkward, sheepish, very sorry face.
"I understand you," she continued "I know that underneath you’re-“
He shook his head. “I don’t think you do love.”
“But I do…”
“Either way. This ain’t right. I’m sorry.”
“But you sang that you love me!”
His eyes, so firm in their contact, were suddenly downcast again.
“I meant it.”
She was annoyed now. “Then what’s the flippin’ problem?”

“Well, I didn’t know how mean you could get, for a start…” He part-joked in response to the temper, actually referring to the drunken berating he’d received.
“What, that’s it? When I was drunk?”
“Not just that. We’re just… not right. And I’ve got a lot of stuff going on up here” he tapped his head. “The Jacob stuff was real.”
She gave him a part sad, part angry glare. And for once she was the quiet one.
“Jade," he said, gently, his hand fiddling awkwardly on his tight-clad knee. "Love stinks. It’s really difficult for me. I’m so sorry." He sighed again. "If those smeggin' gerbils hadn’t played that game, you’d never have known how I feel and everything would still be okay.” He finished.
“It’s because I said you don’t look like Jon Bon Jovi, isn’t it?” She humphed.
“What?”
“The other day, when we were talkin’ about who we looked like...”
“Pfft. No. As if I care what you think I look like.” He lied. Just another example of Jade not getting him. Not seeing him properly.
“I didn’t really mean it when I said that you look like 20th Century TV presenter Richard Madely…”
He shrugged.
“All right then, it’s ‘cause I joked that Hugh Jackman was hot, isn’t it?”
“No. Grr. Look Jade, fine, that was all a bit annoying, but come on...”
“Some people say Richard Madely is sexy.” She pointed out with a pout.
“Jade. Focus.”
“Sorry.”
“I like you very much. But sometimes, poppet, 'love just ain’t enough…’”
She clenched her fists, aggravated by the stubborn lunk being so stupid and calling her nice names like poppet while putting a forcefield up around himself. “Yes it is you big bozo!”
“No, Jade, it isn’t. I don’t think you’re who I thought you were, and I don’t think I’m who you think I am.”
“... I just like you.”
“I like you too, darlin’.”
“Then…”
“You were right to be wary of me, back at Starbugs.”
"You're a good guy..." She tried. Not sure whether to mention the part about wanting to help him.
"Am I?"
"Hmm." She narrowed her eyes. “But your song…”
“Huh. My song? Your song…” He touched his chest.
They exchanged sad looks.
“I don't mind talking more when we're home. But I had to say something.”
“I can think of better times…” she sulked.
“Sorry. It was doing my head in. Sooner the cord was cut, the better.”
I have to rebuild my defences. Funny that they should be in a castle...
Her face was miserable. “Cord was cut? What a horrible phrase.”
His face was equally miserable, but he forced it into its normal firm, fixed expression, and he nodded.
Suddenly she launched at him, surprising even herself and gave him a tight squeeze. He wrapped his arms around her and held her warmly.
“So sorry.” He kissed her head, as he often had the urge to do. She sighed into his shoulder.
They rocked a little.

They stayed like that for a good long time. Just holding each other, without speaking.

“Maybe love does stink.” Jade eventually muttered into him then lifted her head a bit to look into his eyes again.
He nodded. “The thing about love, is…”
“Yes?”
He looked away, thoughtful, removing one hand from her back to scratch his head.
“Uh, love… is…”
“Mm hmm?”
“Love… Is…”
Jade’s eyes widened “…A big scary animal!”
He nodded, snapping his gaze back to her. “Exactly. Love is a big scary animal.”

“No! Look! Over there! A really big scary animal!”

---

The other Dwarfers were still creeping quietly along in the semi darkness when Alex and Jade came charging along the corridor behind them.
“MONSTEERRR!!!!” They were yelling. “RUUNNN!!!!!”

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<TAG Everyone. Keep enjoying the adventure and makin' it funny, y'all.>

[PS. Don't forget Alex can't speak for the next level.]