Jay-ing God.

<snip>
The Dwarfers cheered, exchanged high fives, and complimented each other. "That was a great job everyone!" Jay said. "But we still need a way off the cloud" Artemis painted a parachute and held it up for the group to see. "We need a test subject" he said. "Why don't you? It's quite a view!" Said Alex. "Well, I certainly can't Lanky Locks! Who's going to paint the other parachutes if this works?" Artemis retorted. Artemis put his finger on his nose, Jaxx and Plisken caught on and did the same, soon, everyone did except Jamie, who didn't catch on quick enough. "What? Does this mean I'm going?" He said. Artemis strapped the parachute on him. "Yes!" Jamie sighed, walked to the edge of the cloud, and leaped off. Suddenly, he landed behind the dwarfers, scaring everyone. "No, I'm afraid you can only enter through the front door! Nice try Artemissio!" the dungeon master's voice echoed from above. "Okay, I'm all out of ideas" said Artemis as he knelt down to check on Jamie.
<end snip>
“Are you smegging kidding me?” Jay snapped. “We came all the way up the smegging beanstalk for nothing?”
“Looks that way…” Jamie said.
“Right well we still need to get off the cloud…” Jay said “Artemis, draw more parachutes and we’ll head back to the ground and try to get in the front door…”
Artemis did so until there were enough ‘chutes for everyone.
“Right…” Jay said out loud as he made some calculations “We’ve moved what…half a mile since we got up here? ….taking into account wind speed and direction……”
He took a few steps back, and leant back one one foot as though he were about to launch himself of starting blocks at the Olympics..
“and of course the speed of descent and….”
He launched into a sprint… his virtual avatar making him more mobile than his currently recovering physical self….dashing past the others and off the edge of the cloud.
“THIS WAY!” he yelled as he vanished downward.
He landed safely on the ground, admittedly in almost the exact same spot where they’d started trying to enter the castle in the first place, but on the ground all the same. After a few minutes the others started to land around him (with Artemis crashing roughly into the branches of a tall oak tree before tumbling hard into the ground.)
“Gravity is a harsh mistress…..” he grumbled.
“How about that…” Solvay said “The Giants back!”
“Now what?” Jade said “Plan A didn’t work.”
“That was never plan A” Jay said “It was barely a plan…I’ve got an idea…Jamie, can you distract him again?”
“Don’t think so…my magic points are too low, I need a potion or somethin’…”
“Then….Plisken…sorry old timer, you need to do your thing.”
Plisken sighed loudly. “If I must…” and he set off toward the giant.
“Wait! Plisken!” Jade shouted.
“…what?” Grumped the old man.
Jade grabbed the neck line of his dress and yanked it down. “More cleavage…” she said simply.
Plisken stomped off, grumbling.
The group watched as he flashed some leg, and the giant guarding the castle gate followed him off toward the woodland.
“Ok…so now what?” Jamie asked Jay.
“We knock…” Jay said “Worth a try right?”
He straightened his dog collar, and strode up to the castle gate, gesturing to the others to hide just out of sight.
He knocked loudly on the door.
It creaked open slowly, a man in armour stood there in the open doorway.
“Wotchuwont?” he said.
“Excuse me dear fellow!” Jay said “But have you heard the word of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?” he waggled his crucifix as he said this.
“oo?” asked the guard.
“Our lord and saviour!” He pulled out a bible from somewhere in his outfit and opened the book to a random page and held it out so both he and the guard could see it, the guard moving forward from the gate so that his back was toward it, and the others. Jay turned the same way and held the bible up between them, gesturing behind his back for the others to make their move.
They snuck up and started edging into the open, and now unguarded door. Jay spotted Plisken dashing out of the nearby woods and sneaking around behind to join the others so kept the guard distracted.
“See, this Jesus bloke was a right legend” he said. “Walking on water and that…and…OI! I NEVER SAID THAT!” he spluttered out loud as he read a sentence from the book.
“You wot?” said the guard.
“OR THAT!”
He started flicking through pages at speed. “Never said THAT either…and that description sounds NOTHING LIKE ME!”
He flicked some more
“I dunno…someone takes something you say out of context and…well this is how wars start is all I’m saying…”
Jay had totally lost sight of what he was supposed to be doing at this point.
“What are you…”

“Seriously this is bloody libel! Who do I need to sue?”
“PSST! JAY DUDE!” Whispered Jaxx “We’re in!”
“You wot?” said the guard “In what?”
“Erm…” Jay said, then shrugged and smacked the guard hard around the back of the head with his crucifix, making him stumble forward and toppled from the drawbridge where he splashed into the water, his heavy armour making him sink.
“Why couldn’t you have just done that in the first place?” Plisken asked.
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