I've Searched Through Every Open Door

<snip>She bent to run her tongue over one of them, and Solvay’s eyes rolled back in his head. “Planning to give me another?” He mumbled.
She ran the cool steel back down his torso.
“No,” she told him, breathing heavily, “these’re for something else…”</snip>

What the smeg was she going to do, castrate him? Stab him?
He could have easily brought his bandaged wrists down and bopped her on the head, but the bug wanted him to stay close, and he was transfixed, with a rabbit in-the-headlights fascinated horror.
She pulled his vest back down and snipped up the middle, he sighed in relief, and arousal, as she placed the scissors harmlessly on his chest and pushed the ruined garmet open, skimming her thumbs over his pecs. He smiled up at her, less sinister, becoming stupid and pliant with desire. He’d have probably done anything she asked.
However she didn’t make any requests, but picked up the scissors again. Aw crap. Was she about to lift them, and plunge them into him? He swallowed, part of him wishing that he wasn’t so turned on and exhausted that he could barely move, while another, psychotic, part revelled in it, up for the fight, daring her to do her worst. Unfortunately, she was about to do something far more hideous than he had dared imagine. Something so utterly disturbing, foul, and perverse that – if she succeeded - he’d need many, many years of intense therapy to recover. With a truly evil grin she lifted a long lock of his mane, and, horror upon horror, made to cut it. NO! NOT THE HAIR!

Eyes wide with dread, he clamped a suddenly simulant-strong hand around her wrist.
“No you smeggin’ don’t!”
“Get off, get off!” She battled his grasp, shaking the scissor-hand. Not a particularly welcome turn of events from Alex’s point of view, as the scissors were now dangling above his face. He managed to dodge his head out of the way, an instant before they dropped. “Christ, woman!”
She scooped them madly up and stabbed at him in frustrated anger, missing his escaping calf by inches, and plunging the scissors into the bouncy floor. The seam they'd stuck began to deflate, with a sad hiss.
She scrambled after him, swiping again, and this time succeeded in sinking the scissors into leg-flesh.
“AAAUUWWWW!” He howled, pushing her away, and hobbling into the next room.

The seam Jade was lying on deflated entirely. She blew a flop of hair from her face and got to her feet, gripping the scissors firmly, tracking the wounded Solvay by the trail of blood he’d left dotted across the inflatable room.

She sneaked stealthily after him, into the next, smaller, gloomy area.
“HAHAAAAAA!” Solvay yelled, catching her unawares, and shoving her roughly from behind in between two firm but squidgy… things. With an apt taste of her own medicine, the doctor felt her wrists being bound. Her eyes adjusting to the dimmer light, she realised the maniac had shoved her part way through a padded mock-mangle, and used his former restraints to bandage her wrists tightly to the structure-supporting poles.
“You’re crazy!” She yelped.
“It takes one to know one!” He cackled in reply. “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a lunatic…”
“That’s because you are” she spat.
His manner changed from jovial, to restrained, seething, irritation. “You ruined my punchline” he hissed.
She screamed, as a sudden unexpected burning pain scorched across her buttocks. Solvay had given her a swift spank with a massive discarded clown shoe he’d found at the side of the room. "Take that!"
“Stop it, you dick!” She demanded, fighting her restraints.
He moved round to the mat in front of the mangle, and kneeled, brushing his blood-stained lips lightly against hers. His breath was warm, and pleasant, belying his billion a day habit – despite his often scruffy appearance, the man clearly had an impeccable oral hygiene routine. The good, doctor part of her, was still active, somewhere amidst the madness, and it approved, finding the cleanliness highly erotic. She strained to kiss him, despite her bad self. Enjoying the upper hand, he didn’t let her, and moved his lips to her ear. “You’ve been a bad girl” he whispered, before moving back to gloat arrogantly at his trapped attacker. She spat in his stupid sexy face. The smug expression on it slid into disgust and disapproval. He got back up, wiping at it, and moved behind her again.
“You know…” he told her “… that was very RUDE!” And he brought the shoe down smartly across her perfectly formed bottom. She yelped in pain.
Then, something happened. For a moment he felt dazed, and stumbled backwards, turning to the corner of the room with a hand over his right eye.
As he’d struck her, and thought about how lovely her backside was, he’d felt a flash of… something. He didn’t want to hurt Jade, she was a sweetheart, this wasn’t… this wasn’t…
“RIGHT!” An escaped doctor was on his back, and attempting to strangle him with one of the bandages, pulling it tightly across his throat. “Payback time, Mi-ster… Spanky!”

“Guhh! GURgghG!!” He wheeled around, trying to get her off, but she was so compact and light that it was in fact ten times more difficult that it would have been had she been a lumbering and weighty assailant. They span into the next room and he fell over, as his feet hit a yielding trampoline-floor. The shifting of balance caused Jade to fall off and, thankfully, release the pressure from his neck.
“What the fuck’s a Floatarium?” She snapped.
“Eh?” He rasped, rubbing at his abused throat.
She pulled his hair painfully, and swiveled his head round to make him look at the huge painted sign which ran across part of the round room’s wall.
“Look, then, you stupid ape!”
“I am looking, you fucking pixie.”
“Well? What does it mean?”
“I CAN’T FUCKING READ IT, YOU IDIOT.”
She threw her head back and laughed cruelly. “Ahahahaha!!! You can’t read? And I’m the idiot!?”
He got achily and sulkily to his feet, grunting at the pain in his calf. “You’re a piece of work.”
She kneeled and gripped the edges of his trousers, playfully, causing him to wince at the pressure in his wound. “A work of art?” She enquired, temporarily adorable.
He squinted down, running his eyes over her neat facial features, her torn-open shirt, and her chest, which Jacky was right about. “Somethin’ like that.” With a smirk he pulled her up, and slipped a hand inside the shirt. She flicked her eyes to meet his, and he slipped in the other one, moving both up to thumb the straps from her shoulders, and growling in libidinous anticipation.
Before he could get any further, she gave him a partial smirk in return and bounced on the netted, trampoline-floor, kicking him hard in the stomach which sent him off balance, reaching for her, and tumbling into a juke box on the ‘shore’ lip at the side of the room.

A warm crackle filled the air, then, absurdly, the Dirty Dancing soundtrack - a favourite of every post-20th century fairground the universe over - began to blare, obscenely loudly, into the room.

Now I’ve… had… the time of my life…

“The smeg?” He pushed himself into a standing position again.
A still psychotic Jade began to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all - Solvay, in his cut-open vest, covered in blood of her expert coaxing, angry as a snake, heading towards her, unwittingly moving in time to the music.
Best laugh she’d had in ages.
“Think it’s funny, huh?” He gave her a little shove in return, his lip curling. “Stop laughing and let’s finish what we started” he demanded, grabbing for her. She yelped and, in time with the soundtrack, herself, hopped away.
And I owe it all to you-ouu.
Accompanied by the simmering, twanging rhythm of the track, he lunged again and she dived aside, scrambling to the edge of the unstable floor. She lost her footing and, Solvay’s heavier weight pulling the trampoline significantly lower, slid helplessly to him. He beckoned with a finger, instructing her to stand. She shook her head. Determined, he snatched at her and pulled her into an embrace. They both melted into each other for a moment, …You’re the one thing, I can’t get enough of… – the bugs were glowing strongly… so near… - but then she span out of his arms, still meaning to escape. He kept hold of her hand, intending to have his wicked way. She was up for that too, but she wanted to play with her prey for a while before indulging, enjoying his frustrated torment as she was. She managed to twist away again, and, trying to gain some purchase on the curved wall so as not to slip back to him, she scrabbled and accidently hit a red button.

As we all know, the accidental hitting of unexpected red buttons normally spells trouble. Well, this time was no different.

As the soundtrack swelled, … Be-cause… I’ve had… the time of my li-ife… the shocked Dwarfers began to rise off the floor. The unexpected button had caused a turbine beneath the netted trampoline to choke into life, and they were being blasted off their feet. In sudden panic, as both she and the chorus took off, Jade twisted, trying desperately to reach the button and turn it off again. But she couldn’t get herself over to it. As they floated upwards, their grappling continued.

Hey baby!

Solvay was reaching for her, and she slapped, punched and kicked at him, but it was all ineffectual as they didn’t have much control over their actions.
He managed to get a grip on her arm, and pulled her in to him. Despite the sudden flotation - bug-influenced, and lust-drenched as they were - they both groaned in pleasure at the contact.
With my body and soul I want you more than you’ll ee-ver knoo-ow…
… So we’ll, just let it go, don’t be afraid, to lose contro-ooll…
…. Guess I know what’s on your mind, when you say ‘stay with me tonight’…
A shift of weight caused them to spin in the air.
… Stay with me!
… Just re-member…

He rolled her over, and she wrapped her legs around him. As they floated they shared an awkward - skin and hair flappingly breathless - yet highly sexy - Floatarium kiss.
This could be love! Be-cause…

It was about then, that the bugs withered and dropped off.

Slowly coming back to their senses, mid kiss, the two formerly violently insane lust-hounds realised what was going on.
Jade was about to pull away, but Alex kissed on a while. Eventually they broke apart and, still floating, exchanged equally appalled and apologetic looks.

The turbines switched up a notch, roaring loudly.
“Ee a o oorwauh!” Alex said.
“WHAT?” Jade yelled above the rushing wind. “I can’t hear you!”
“WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD!”
“YEAH.”

Jade looked around, hoping to see a way they could turn the machine off. But she spotted something else.
Something horrible.
“Oh sugar!” She yelled, her back-to-normal self reverting to non-sweary words “Alex, look!”
He looked up and gasped when he saw what she was shouting about.
“HO-LY F*CK!” Said a currently-fine-with-being-sweary Alex, who thought it entirely appropriate to curse at the sight of the 9 foot long spikes they were being propelled towards.
What kind of sick freak would boobytrap an amusement park?
An image of the shambling psycho clowns came to mind, answering his question. Figured.

“ALEX.” Jade yelled, cutting through his clown-disgusted reverie. “WHAT CAN WE DO?”
He looked around, hoping for some clue, some hope of escape.
“I DON’T KNOW” he replied “I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING HELPFUL.”
He tried changing his body shape, hoping if he bunched himself up the wind wouldn’t catch him, and he’d fall, but it was too strong.

As they were propelled ever upwards, closer and closer to the horrendous spikes, Solvay thought how stupid it was that after all the things he’d survived, his life was to end like this, being blown up, literally, in a ridiculous booby-trapped funhouse, to the strains of Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes.

Jade reached a hand towards him, he took it.
“I’M SORRY!” She yelled. “I’M SO SORRY!”
“Mfff oo.” It was difficult to breathe, the buffeting wind was snatching his words.
“What?”
“ME TOO!”

They clung to each other, inching slowly towards their inevitable impalement.
Or maybe it wasn't inevitable. Jade spotted something which made her squawk with hope. “LOOK!” There was another, emergency, button! A get-out! If they could only just reach it...
It was on the wall, a little way before the spikes. They both tried reaching for it, but it was futile.
“ee orr” By this stage, speech was almost impossible.
“WHAT?”
“TEAM-WORK!” Solvay bellowed.
She nodded, knowing what to do.

… be-cause… I’ve had… the time of my lii-iife…
With both hands, he pushed her up, in a dark, blood-spattered parody of the famous dance lift. She managed to just push the button, with the tips of her fingers.
The fans groaned and slowed, whirring to a lesser intensity, and gradually lowering the pair to the trampoline-net floor.
Alex landed on his feet, heart pounding. Jade followed, putting her arms around his neck, using his body as an anchor-cum-ladder and sliding down him. As the fans switched off, and the music became clearer again, they smiled at each other in joyous relief. The Dirty Dancing soundtrack had never sounded so good.

The other Dwarfers who'd made it to the Fun House, wondered where the hell the music was coming from. They followed the sound, traipsing through the mangle room, and looked through the door.
They never would have predicted the sight that greeted them in a million years. Or three.

A bloody, beaten Solvay, was laughing, smiling and dancing, on a trampoline, with an open shirted, blood spattered Jade, who was also laughing happily, to a song from a cheesy twentieth century romance flick.

Jacky lifted his goggles and blinked, deadpan.

“Wasn’t expecting that."

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<I didn't tag everyone who was headed for the fun house, in case you didn't want to be in that room yet.
Maybe you guys came through different bizarre rooms of your own to get there, or maybe just followed, easily, in our tracks, taking the same route we did.
Be interesting to hear how you got/get to the Floatarium, either way.
And then how we’re gonna get out of the house as a big group.>

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