The Hitcher's Guide to the Galaxy

<snip>
The Hitcher laughed as he finished the song. One of the Hitcher\'s minions asked, \"What shall we do with them Boss?\" The Hitcher smiled at Cass and said, \"Take the blokes to the cells for torture and take the lass to my private torture chamber. I\\\'m gonna enjoy her company for a spell.\" The minions quickly picked up the fallen crew members and carried them off while the Hitcher gave a wicked laugh and danced behind his men.
</snip>

Jacky awoke some indeterminate amount of time later to discover that his hands had been tied along with his feet. He forced himself up and looked around, finding himself in a cage made of bamboo-like island foliage. It appeared very strong. He examined his surroundings outside the cell and saw a guard standing outside of it.

\"Erm, hello?\" Jacky asked. \"Are you... human?\"

\"Silence.\" the guard responded.

\"I\'m just a little confused because-\" Jacky persisted

\"Silence!\" the guard repeated.

Jacky was silenced. He looked around again, noticing more cages around him. One cage contained White Wolf and Jay, fitting since they were both captains, and the other contained Davie and Jaxx, fitting because they were both soldiers. Jacky\'s mind drifted off to the hypothetical logical conclusion that he\'d been paired with Cass since she was scientifically gifted, but Jacky then remembered that he was in the cage alone. Where Cass was, he couldn\'t say, but he expected her to be in some form of dangerous situation, as usual. Say, how did he end up here? A large beast came up and died. He remembered that. Then a man... Hitchcock? The Hitchhiker? What was his name? Whatever it was, he came up to them and sang a song rather poorly, and then Jacky fell unconscious. God, Jacky was tired of falling unconscious and being tied up.

Jacky looked around the dark room. Apart from some torches lining the walls, he couldn\'t see much. One spot was very brightly lit, however. Seemed as though it were some form of throne, and upon it, that awful singing man sat with his accordion. Jacky saw him talking, and listened carefully to the conversation he had with a guard.

\"Has the woman been taken to my personal chamber?\" the Hitcher asked with glee.

\"Yes, my lord.\" the guard responded. \"She has been prepared for you.\"

\"mmmm!\" the Hitcher said. \"Excellent, excellent! You\'ve done well.\"

The Hitcher snapped his head quickly over to Jacky.

\"That one\'s awake. Bring him to me.\" the Hitcher demanded.

The guards opened Jacky\'s cell and dragged him over to the Hitcher. The Hitcher eyed him for a moment.

\"I\'ve many questions to ask you and your associates.\" the Hitcher said.

\"And... and I the same.\" Jacky fumbled.

The Hitcher smiled.

\"Fair enough!\" he laughed. \"Ask away before me, dear boy!\"

\"Who are you?\"

\"I am the Hitcher, ruler of this place, and the keeper of the music!\"

\"I mean all of you. Where did you all come from?\"

The Hitcher prepared a story with a set of puppets that lie on the arms of his chair.

\"Long ago, our people descended from the stars themselves and gave life to this land. Then some stuff happened, and we\'re here now!\" The Hitcher threw his puppets off with glee. \"Now am I allowed to ask you some questions?\"

\"I suppose.\" Jacky said.

\"Good!\" the Hitcher yelled. \"I\'ve only got a couple questions, and I will ask them in order of interest. For starters, I\'m dreadfully curious about this!\"

The Hitcher pulled out Jacky\'s marijuana from earlier.

\"That\'s mine.\" Jacky said.

\"I know, and you simply MUST show me how it works sometime!\" the Hitcher replied with glee. \"But onto more boring, serious matters. Who are your friends?\"

\"They\'re my crew mates on Blue Dwarf.\"

\"Blue Dwarf?\"

\"It\'s a vessel that travels through space. We came down here to relax, and now we\'re kind of stuck.\"

\"A space vessel?\" The Hitcher asked. \"That sounds splendid! You simply must take me with you if you all make it out alive!\"

\"Pardon me?!\" Jacky exclaimed.

\"Forgot to mention. We have a nasty demon problem, and you guys are going to go kill it for us. Don\'t tell the others, I want it to be a surprise.\" the Hitcher explained.

\"You can\'t do this! and where\'s Cass?!\" Jacky yelled.

\"You mean the pretty one? Oh, she\'s in no danger. She won\'t be going with you. She\'ll be my personal, shall we say, \'assistant?\'\"

the Hitcher smiled and raised his eyebrows, awaiting Jacky\'s approval. He was surprised to not get visibly receive it.

\"Anyway, we\'ll discuss the rolled up planty thing when you wake up.\" the Hitcher remarked.

\"When I wake up?\" Jacky asked just before being struck on the head by a guard.

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Molly was bored. After a rather noteworthy conversation with Alex, she had resolved to lying down on the beach. She eventually became accustomed to the sand, but found that the sun\'s harsh rays still apply when on another planet, and her skin was turned a bright red color.

\"Ah smeg.\" she noted when she noticed her skin. She wandered back to camp, stinging with every step.

\"Yikes, that\'s some bad sunburn.\" Alex remarked upon her arrival.

\"You wouldn\'t happen to have brought any ointment for this, would ya?\" Molly asked. \"And that doesn\'t mean you can rub it on me, either.\" she added.

Alex grumbled sourly.

\"I\'m just working you up, mate. Don\'t be so touchy.\" Molly said. \"And not that kind of touchy!\"

Alex grumbled again. Molly laughed.

\"What the devil\'s going on?\" Seymour asked upon returning with Phi.

\"Big hole opened up. Jacky, Jay, White Wolf, Davie, Cass, and Jaxx all went into it.\" Phi explained.

\"Sounds unpleasant. How did they get out?\" Seymour asked.

\"They didn\'t.\" Alex explained. \"They\'re still down there.\"

\"Well, why haven\'t you contacted me sooner?!\" Seymour yelled.

\"We tried, but you were surprisingly far out for someone with no legs.\" Alex remarked.

\"Oi, you lot!\" Molly interrupted. \"Half your friends are down in that hole and you\'re bickering about! I was told by a certain geek with a labcoat that you guys are a real bunch of adventurers, right? Well if that\'s true, then get down there and help them out!\"

\"This girl is rash and dangerous. It\'s foolish to run directly into the action with no plan.\" Seymour said.

\"Well, good luck with that.\" Molly remarked before jumping into the hole.

\"Always get to know someone before you try and snog them.\" Phi said to Alex. \"They could be thick or insane.\"

\"Your input has been noted.\" Alex replied.