You farted?

That was when he found the stairs. A wall of gas behind him, and only steps leading down, Seymour didn't know what to do apart from cry for help.

<<end snip>>

It was rather fortunate for Seymour that Phil was passing at this point. Phil had been wandering around aimlessy the last few days, thankful at least he didnt poke his eye out everytime he used the facilities any more. He needed to clear his head. Some old memories were coming back he forgot about;

- Arriving on the dwarf as a hologram
- Meeting Jay, Tara and the rest of the old crew.
- Turning in to a GELF
- The various versions of himself (Future Phil, Mini-Phil, Evil Phil, Phil FeSod etc)
- His Kids (Phil paused at this and really wanted to see them again)
- The Archivers
- Dieing so many times he was on first name terms with the Grim reaper and did his job for a while
- The last few weeks...at least the glowstick had gone

There was rather strong , yet odd smell in the air. A strange, wining sound as well. It Sounded like...

"Ah Phil old chap..."

Arse..it was.

"Wazzap Nipples?" he said, delibratly mis-pronoucing his name to sound like a certain body part, a source of almost endless amusement for Phil.

"Erm...could you help me? There appears to be a rather nasty gas cloud following me and i would rather not have it stain my clothes...or eat through my skin...or something...Justin said..."

"Wait Justin is involved? Did he make a adjustment to his program to allow him to drop an air biscuit?"

"errr...no...but if it's all the same to you i'd rather no be sitting here..I cant' get down the stairs..."

Phil looked ..The cloud was getting closer and it did make his eyes water a bit.
Without thinking he picked Seymour up and threw him over his shoulders.

It was rather unfortunate that Seymours face was therefore level with Phil's bottom.

Carrying him fast down the stairs, Phil could feel a rumble in his gut. Appranlty so could seymour.

The cloud hit the stairwell as Phil started down it. The effect of gas on stairwell was rathe dramatic and it changed it to what looked like cheese.

Having no idea what this effect would have on humanoids, gelf or pompus gits, phil ran faster, trying not very hard to hold in his personal gas. With all the chemicals that had been in his system over the last few weeks, the effects of gelf fart + this new chemical would have rather unpredictable effects.

So basicaly, yet another day on the 'Dwarf.

Reaching the bottom of the stair well Phil slammed open the bulkhead and steped through, banging seymours head on the frame. The gas was getting closer and closer as it crept down the stair well.

He could seal off this area but it would mean that the entire decks would need to be ventilated for a day or so.

"Ermm Phil old chap..we appear to trapped..there is no-where for us to go but one of those escpae pods over their" Seymour tried to point, but meant his nose got even closer to Phil's bottom. Plus the only working pod he could see was a ghastly decorated thing. No silk or velour at all!

"Sorry 'old chap' but this needs to be done"

Phil slamed the hatch open and threw seymour into it. Then, running back to seal the local bulkheads and begin the venting procedure Phil made what he would consider over the next week or so, to be probably the #7 worst mistake of his life.

He let the fart go that had been brewing since he picked up seymour. Normaly the chance to gruff on his head would be one Phil would never pass up, but the depression that had been creeping in had somewhat started to change Phil's look on life. He was even thinking of making seymour some decent working legs when his personal gas mingled with the Conductive Neonium and reacted.

Now normalyy this would be rather amusing and simply result in a bad smell, but the chemicals that had been pumped into Phil recently, plus the antitode, plus the weirdness of his tripple helix DNA caused a rather nasty green explosion.

It was sheer luck the bulkhead and venting protocols kicked in just as Phil was flung forward a mixture of his gas and the CN clinging to him like..well...a bad smell.

Seymour in rather a brilliant moment for him, paniced and hit the launch button, activating the escape ppod and throwing it at high speed towards the planet that many of the crew had visitid

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