The answer my friends, is flapping in the wind....

<snip>
Jacky lied against the wall, next to Phil. He began reading a pocket edition of The Fellowship of the Ring to pass the time, when he heard a voice and sprang up to find its source.
<end snip>

Phil was drifiting in and out of the waking world. He was having very bizare dreams, one of them involving him being naked, something about a cupboard and a monkey and Fellowship of the ring..

His eyes blurry and mind not quite up to it's usueall razor sharpness (this sharpness defined by a cheap razor from a 99p store used to shave a mammoth and now could not even pop a soap bubble) he stood up.

This was good. Standing was good. Up was good.

Now try and move the legs Phil..he thought

*PHARRRRPPPPPP*

No thats your arse cheeks...try again

*PFTAPAPAPAPPPP.....plib*

Again with the arse..Serisouly you obsesed with flatuence. speaking of which sweet zombie jeses that was bad. Any way...OH SERIOOSULY DUDE THAT THE LAST TIME I LET YOU EAT THE THREE-CHEESE SPECIAL BURRITO...I think you fouled yourself as well...no? Thats one mercy at least

The voice was annoying Phil and vowed if he met the one speaking to him he would quite happily punch him in the balls. However, as Phil was non-sexist or speciesit, he would happily punch them in the boobs or genitalia of their choice

The fact that it was the one part of brain that worked properly right now went over his head like sacarsm to Seymour about his hair.

"So what do you want me to do now?" he asked himself

First dont speak outloud, just think..I can get you through this..just do what i say and for the love of all that is holy if you feel a rumble in the jungle, hold it in.
Now first things first..we need clothes
No we dont
What? What do you mean? asked phil's brain
I can go faster without them on...watch this

And promptly run off in a random direction away from Jacky

Any passing telepath would have head in 50 mile high letters coming from Phil's head

"...smeg...he's gonna get me killed..stupid body..."

<<tag any one who wants to deal with a naked and stupid(more so than normal) Phil>>