Reflections

Who: Cassandra
When: After storming off, during Revelations, before Seymour's meeting and We have guests...
Where: Quarters

My hair's long
Like, down to the small of my back long?
It's naturally dark, but I dye it black for a little more impact ...and to cover the odd grey hair that I've noticed coming through over the last year or so
I've got my mum's hair
She went grey early; in fact, hers was almost white by the time she died
I was only eight

Having it the length it is sometimes pisses me off - Like when Legion grabbed a handful of it and used it to smash my head into that monitor; but my hair's one of the few concessions I get to make towards my femininity aboard this rusting hulk, so in spite of it's impracticality it gets to stay
Right now though, I'm really not liking it; It's taken me ages to get it clean after Pancake shot that filth all over it, and it's going to take a while longer yet to get it dried and styled properly
I had to wash it with cold water in the end - the heat of the hot water seemed to do something to the smegging stuff and make it even stickier
How the hell can a hologram ejaculate?
I guess it'll be something the archivers did for him; he's been bleating on on about not being able to climax for ages, so it figures he'd ask them for an upgrade, but I've no idea why the hell he had to do what he did
I wouldn't even let someone I like do anything that vile to me, so the little goit's going to smegging well suffer for it; Holly's my bitch and by virtue of the holographic projection suite being one of it's shipboard systems, Pancake's my bitch too

Bollocks
I could really do with a cig right now
I haven't smoked since Jay and I got together - It's not a nice habit, and I kinda figured he wouldn't like it, so I knocked it on the head; but now it seems like everything's all messed up, nobody's going to mind now, are they?
I dunno
Maybe I should stay off them, just in case?
I wonder where Jay actually is?
I had hoped that he might come and talk with me, but it seems as if he has better things to do
He's probably as weirded out as I am, and hasn't a smegging clue what's happening either, so I guess I shouldn't hassle him
Or maybe he's just avoiding the issue?
I don't blame him in either case; but this shit affects me too, so I feel I deserve the simple courtesy of being informed that I'm...
What!?
Dumped?
Smeg's sake...
I hope not

Lying alone, here on the bed in our room, surrounded by the signs of our cohabitation, I'm feeling pretty low right now
I really thought I'd got it right this time
Serves me right for being so smegging stupid!
Katrina turning up like this just seems so unfair that I feel like crying
Jay barely got to know me
I'm nice, really!

...I'm going to be alone forever, aren't I?

Smeg it
This isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me - Not by a long shot!
But still...

I dunno; maybe I'm obsessing over nothing?
Perhaps Katrina's happy as she is without Jay, and things will carry on as they were before?
I'm not sure if I can see that happening though; he managed six hundred years looking for a way back to her before he finally gave up and succumbed to my charms
Hah! - My charms!?
Smeg's sake...
They're obviously not all that if he pisses off as soon as she rolls back up!

That was unfair of me
I understand his situation; I just don't like what it means for me
So, I'm selfish?
Smeg it - Isn't everyone!?
Why is being happy just so much to ask sometimes?

...I meant what I said to him

What about that other woman? Ishani, I think her name is
Assuming Katrina and her are an item: How long have they been together?
Years? - Decades even!?
Longer than Jay and Katrina were together?
If it's been any appreciable amount of time, I can't see the other, other woman taking this situation lying down
Jay might not even get a look in; although I guess that leaves me as second best, and I'm not sure how I feel about that
Maybe I always was second best?

What a smegging mess!

And what about Katrina's son?
I wonder who his father is?
If it's Jay then that'll only make things even more complicated
I imagine he would make a good father; not that I'm the mothering kind myself, but you know... I always figured that kids might happen to me at some point, but kinda shied away from the idea, given what I went through
Safer not to risk it, you know!?

One day, maybe...

This is so smegging stupid
I wish there were something I could do, but there's nothing!
You can't control how someone else feels ...Well, technically, I probably could, but I'd know and it wouldn't be the same, but you get my point?
You can't force someone to prefer you over someone else
So what do I do?

Well...?

Stop obsessing?
Probably best
As much as it pains me, this is out of my hands
What happens happens
That's such trite shit

I meant what I said

Smeg's sake, get it together woman
Let's get my hair dried...