For the lack of a better description - Inside the mind of a drunken Atemporal Hamster...

Everything around him, felt like a strange wobbling heat mirage. But then again, he knew this was going to happen. It always did whenever he get
good-n-stinking-drunk. How it throws a monkey wrench into his perceptions of time & stuff made the whole Dr. Who TV series look positively linear.
"But it was all for a good cause. And well, it was my plan for escaping Legion", he reminded himself. "Oh Hell Bells, it sticks with me like a bad curried smoked oyster dish gone off over a week. Or was that a month?"

He quickly forgot which for a moment as he blearily tried processing all the stuff he was experiencing.

<snip>
"Why thank you."
Alex groaned. "Not now, Pancake, we're in the middle of-"
"Actually that was me."
"Sorry Phil."
Jay glanced quickly around. "Where is Pancake?"
Seymour's stomach rumbled as he muttered "I don't know but all this hard work is utterly famishing!” He looked away from the glistening object for a moment and up at one of the guards. "I say, garçon, do you have any caviar? I suppose you must do... Are any of you females?"
"What is this...'Caviar?'" The bone-armoured guard enquired suspiciously.
"Well, it's just fish eggs with-"
The guard lurched backwards in horror "WHAT!? You eat fish eggs?"
Seymour tilted his head, oblivious to Jay's desperate rib elbowing. "Well yes of course, I mean, who doesn't adore a lovely dollop of caviar on a cracker as a pre fish dish hors d'oeuvre?" He gave a little snort as if to think otherwise was preposterous.
The guard gathered himself, eyes narrrowed, and the others drew close.
<end snip>

"Fish eggs? Fish & Chips? Oh, god, am I hungry. And what's with all these chains & grunt work? Has Jay & Cass got me involved in one of Phil's sexual fantasy's again? Eh, Nightmare more like. Oh wait, what's that roundish thing?"

<snip>
"It's a Stargate" he exclaimed quite loudly

There was a chorus of "oh yeah can see that now" and "Whats a Stargate" from Seymour.
<end snip>

"Stargate? Now, wait just a cotton pick minute. Stargates are natural phen.. fenom.." His train of thought stopped as he eyed the roundish thing suspiciously,
"... Natural Phenomenon that rushed around bamfing things a like Mini Phil on friggin bender. Nah. That's technological. Hell, I created a few of back
on Roo. Wonder which one of the 10,000 we misplaced it is?"

He peered at it, trying to look at it's serial numbers, but unfortunately stumbled forward and wound up going through it along with the others. "Hmm, maybe I'm
just passed out and having a really wonder bird of a nightmare instead."

<snip>
“Welcome, friends. We are honoured to receive you as guests…” The groups chains fell open, and dropped to the floor with a loud clang and an “OW!” as one landed on White Wolfs foot.
“See…” Phil said “What were your worried about…”
“We’ll see Phil…..” Jay replied “We’ll see….”
<end snip>

"Well now that felt real. Yeah, but so did that STCP and Roo torture shit..." He glanced around, noticing the Statues.

"Hey... That looks mighty tasty. I wonder If should have plate of marble followed up by some granite. Wait. They want me to wha?!?"

<snip>
Whitewolf was parading around on all fours with a semi-pouched Seymour poking out of his mouth and Phi on his back. She was wearing a gold bikini and had her arms crossed humpily. Wolf was wearing speedos and a jester's hat which looked odd over his fur.
"This is no fun, no fun at all." Whined Seymour. "This isn't what I imagined when you said you'd provide me with a way to get around. All this just so I can have some of that wine for myself."

Phil clapped his hands and the gently buzzing room fell silent.
"I think it's time for our friends to provide some real entertainment."
"Yes!" Said Jay "What a good idea."
Cass nodded in smouldering approval as Jay popped another plump grape into her mouth.
Phil smiled at Pancake. "What do you think, Justin?"
"I think... They should dance."
Phil's face lit up.
“Very good! Yes. Dance for us please!"
Jay punched the air. “Dance!”
<end snip>

"Well, it isn't the first time I've been somebodies mount. She's a lot better than Thanatos was. That Arsehole made me eat hay for six years. Or was it seven? Smegdittysmegsmeg. I'm so hungry! Hmm... I wonder how Seymour would taste? Would it be Cannibalism since I was once human or not? Oh Frigg it! Now they want me to dance. What is it with humans and hamster dances anyways? And where the heck did this pair of leather speedos come from?"

The electric shock reminded him nostalgically of the good days of the STCP. "Yeah, before the Roo and the shrew!" He thought smugly. "Eh? Davie wants to serve him some food?"

<snip>
Seymour’s hand dipped away from his mouth again. “What? Why?”
“He might be calling for a good reason, let me see it.”
“At least let me finish taking this bite first.”
The fork disappeared behind Seymour’s lips and came back out again without any food. Davie gritted his teeth as he chewed annoyingly slow. He swallowed. “Now can I see the watch please?”
White Wolf watched the exchange amusedly. “Ah, Mr. Jones! I’m glad you asked nicely.”
Davie looked over at WW as his hand openly waited for Seymour’s watch. Finally he felt the weight of the small piece of metal in his hand. He dialed Holly. “What’s happenin’ dudes?”
“You just called us Holly, what’s up?”
“I did?”
“Yes, you did…”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
A moment of silence passed as Davie and Holly starred at each other. “Well!?”
“Right, well we have some intruders onboard.”
Davie sat upright. “Do you have a security feed?”
“Sure dude.”
“Well can I see it?”
“Oh yes…”
A moment later several figures in black uniforms armed to the teeth appeared before him on the watch. “Oh boy…”
White Wolf look worriedly at him as he said this while Seymour continued stuffing his face. Davie turned the watch to him and he frowned. WW handed it back.
<end snip>

"Oh bugger! Please let this just be a nightmare.", He thought, "Boy, am I so hungry! I wonder what french fried STCP enforcers would taste like? Wait. Malodorians? Crud. My quarters are going to need one helluva air freshening if I eat one of them again. Heck, that me got thrown in jail back on Roo the last time I had a couple for an aperitif. But ohh, the taste, the sensuous flavors, the... Or was that the Malfodorians instead of the Malodorians?
Who cares? Maybe I'll just try them both and compare side by side." He mentally giggled for a moment in excitement, but then composed himself as he realized Jay wanted him to do something, "Oh well, Dinner will just have to wait, I guess.", and tried to sober up a bit.

<snip>
“White Wolf, Solvay…” Jay shouted down the corridor “Get their wrist-coms and masks off them…
without the wrist computers they can’t jump outta here…” The hamster and the engineer complied, and removed the masks and equipment off the
five agents who hadn’t jumped Jay. Jay recognised one or two of the agents. The squad leader was Hoshi Takanawa, he’d gone through training
with him, but the one that interested him the most was “Kay”.
<end snip>

"And just like Jay, of course." he thought, bleary focusing on being serious and all that, for the moment, "Oh hey, let's go to the Promenade! I could get something to eat and I always did like blowing up the McDonalds, it's always good for a goof... Hey, you know, the little buggers might even have my hangover remedy!"

As soon as they strode into parrots, he immediately saw the answer was yes. There it was - a gaggle of screaming, caterwauling, rodent kids.

That's all it took to snap him out of any stupid arsed drunkenness he got himself into. Even the 3 year bender in which he spent going through time to play really elaborate pranks on Jay, Seymour & Phil. He paused for a moment to wonder about why being amongst the screaming rodents kids snapped him out of it and then he facepawed himself as he remembered - all his *own* kids back on Roo. Yeah... That and the shrew. And he started feeling more like his old self once again just as the group of Dwarfers started to walk out of parrots. And he recalled the second reason why he liked pouching an instant open umbrella, the first being of course, the occasional paint shower from his kids back on Roo, but then there was his 'future' memories of all the times Justin Pancake had his ongoing "problem". Reaching inside his pouch, withdrawing and quickly snapping open his umbrella while Seymour gave him a really odd look of 'why are you opening a one of those things indoors?'.

"Hmm, you know, I could just fix Justin's programming.", He thought for a moment then smugly smiling as he finished his thoughts, "Nah... This way I get to see the look on their faces, especially Phils!"

OOC- That catches me up. Tag over to you guys again!