Dirty Dancing

A day had passed and the crew were adjusting to their new statuses. Most of the disciples hoped the arrangement was temporary. Though a number of gifts were offered to them, they had to work as servants to earn each one, whereas the holy ones - The Returned - were showered in luxurious items without having to do a thing.

Davie tapped one of the columns. “These are real stone...”
Bill nodded. “Yes.”
"But we're on a spaceship."
“Are we though?” Said Bill. “Are we?”
“Well yes, we are.” Said Alex, joining them and running his hands over the column's irregular surface. Bill smiled, serenely while Alex caressed.
With a bolt of realisation, Alex recoiled from the column and glared at it. "This isn't a column."
Gomez followed his upward gaze. “Guácala!”
Bill nodded. “This particular sculpture has been created in the magnificent likeness of the Divine Member.”
“Yeh, we really don't wanna know.” Grumbled Alex, wiping his hand on his coveralls.

Justin smirked at them from his position on the dais which held three thrones. There was a central plush velvet chair and footstool for Phil, who was reclining, arms behind his head, beaming contentedly. On his left, Jay was chilling in a comfortable leather Lazyboy with Cass lying slinkily beside him as they fed each other huge, juicy grapes. On Phil's right was the poshest dog basket Alex had ever seen, where Pancake was sprawled. He leered again.

“Didn't you hear me? I said I'd like some more wine, slaves.”
Davie's eyebrows shot up, Gomez snorted and Alex emitted a low growl.
Phil gave him an absent-minded flick on the ear “disciples, Pancake, not slaves.”
“Whatever.” He smiled sweetly and clicked his fingers.
Efof bounded over with a beautifully ornate decanter and filled the three Holy goblets.

Alex regarded Jay, Cass and Phil, critically - they looked like they were daydreaming. Perhaps it was the strong wine but they didn't seem quite themselves. The only one who seemed "normal" - if such a term could ever apply to him - was Pancake.

Whitewolf was parading around on all fours with a semi-pouched Seymour poking out of his mouth and Phi on his back. She was wearing a gold bikini and had her arms crossed humpily. Wolf was wearing speedos and a jester's hat which looked odd over his fur.
"This is no fun, no fun at all." Whined Seymour. "This isn't what I imagined when you said you'd provide me with a way to get around. All this just so I can have some of that wine for myself."

Phil clapped his hands and the gently buzzing room fell silent.
"I think it's time for our friends to provide some real entertainment."
"Yes!" Said Jay "What a good idea."
Cass nodded in smouldering approval as Jay popped another plump grape into her mouth.
Phil smiled at Pancake. "What do you think, Justin?"
"I think... They should dance."
Phil's face lit up.
“Very good! Yes. Dance for us please!"
Jay punched the air. “Dance!”

Gomez, Davie, Whitewolf, Phi, and Seymour exchanged horrified expressions.
Efof and the assembled Archivers clapped excitedly.
Alex gave the Holy Ones the look he usually reserved for estate agents and traffic wardens. "Ya smeggin' what?"
A nearby Archiver gently adjusted something which looked suspiciously like a cattle prod.
Justin giggled... "Well? Snap to it!"

Ridiculous lute music began to play...