Cyberpark: playboy mansion

<snip>
Seeing the pic actually made Phil happy, so much so that when Justin said they should visit the Cyberpark quickly before , he agreed.
<end snip>

Justin looked once more around his room. The erotic magazines laid around him made him smile, and feel at home. But he knew they were useless. As him and Phil walked the short distance through the spacestation to the Cyberpark, he told Phil what was on his mind.
“You might be wondering why I've been killing myself over and over for 3 million years...” He said.
“Nope. I've known you about 3 hours and I've wanted to kill you plenty of times.”
“Oh. Well it's because... well it's a bit embarrassing. You see all those pornos in my room are mostly pointless.” He took a deep breath and prepared for how he was going to say this. “I can't orgasm.” He studied Phil's reaction which was nothing more than mild disgust, like smelling a bad fart.
“I don't know if that's normal for holograms, or maybe it's just missing from my program. Maybe it's a corrupt file. But I can't. So I got depressed and started killing myself, it actually felt really good!”

“Well, Legion said he'd made some improvements to your hard light drive. So maybe he's fixed it. Have you tried since?”
“No. Good idea!” Justin unzipped his flies and put his hands down his pants.
“NOT RIGHT NOW!” Phil said. “At least get in the cyberpark first!”

They approached a door with several buttons. It looked like an elevator. It dinged as it asked for input. “Name a place.” Phil asked.
“Err... Playboy Mansion?”
Phil pressed some buttons and the double doors slid open. “After you.” Phil said, but Justin had already bounded into the simulation, penis first.

They stepped into a walled garden with a large blue swimming bath. A group of three girls walked past, each wearing only black lingerie and bunny ears. “Hi there!” Each girl said, and Justin couldn't help himself. He pushed himself between them and draped his arms around a girl at either side.

It was a full 5 minutes before Justin found Phil again, sitting on a sunlounge by the pool.
“Nope. I still can't orgasm.” Justin said, standing over him, looking flustered.
Phil looked at his watch. “Are you sure you gave it long enough?”
“Yep. Didn't you see how how that girl was?. We have to go though. Like now.”
“What's the hurry? Legion said Dinner won't be served until-”
“We have to go NOW!”
Phil stood up with a groan. “What did you do?!”
“Erm... well, I got a bit annoyed that I couldn't.... you know... so I tried to shoot myself. Dying makes me feel better y'know.”
“What did you do?!”
“I missed and destroyed Hugh Heffner's favourite Elvis statue. He's going to kill me. THERE HE IS!” Justin pointed to an angry Hugh Heffner running towards them with a team of armed security guards.
Justin picked up the sun lounge and swing it around his head, catching one of the guards and knocking him into the pool. Then they pushed their way through several scantily clad girls (Justin making sure to touch all their best soft and squidgy bits) to get to the exit.

They left the cyberpark and the doors slid shut behind them, the programme ending as they did so.

“I'm going to find out what Legion did to improve my program, because it's not the improvements I want!” He left Phil deciding which location to enter into the Cyberpark, and trudged through the spacestation's corridors towards the room where they had originally been served afternoon tea. Legion was there setting the table with something that looked like boomerangs. “What are they?”
“Mercurian Boomerang Spoons. I'll show you how to use them later.” Said Legion.
“Listen, thanks for repairing my light bee an' everything, but what improvements did you make?”

Legion stepped towards him. “I'm afraid my knowledge of holograms is not what it used to be. I used to know so much, but I've forgotten almost all of it now, that was so long ago. I've updated it so that you can taste real food.”
“Oh really?” Justin stuck his finger into the cream cake on the table and brought it to his mouth. “Hmmm, tasty! I couldn't taste anything before!”
Legion stood there and stayed quiet for a few moments before speaking. “I know you have a sexual problem.”
Justin's body tensed and he pointed a finger at the tall alien humanoid. “Hey! I 'ain't got a problem! My penis is just fine, who said it wasn't?”
Legion remained calm. “I simply meant your inability to orgasm.”
“Who told you that buddy?” Justin said aggressively. “I don't need people spreading rumours about my sexual abilities. I can still show a girl a good time!”
“You have no secrets from me.” Said Legion. “Unfortunately I can't help you, but I know of a holographic facility where you can be fixed.”
“A facility?”
“Yes. My research was used to create a facility where holograms can alter their programming. Thing of them as add-ons to your basic code. You can control how you look, your mood, even how fast your nose hair grows.”
“And can this fix me?”
Legion slowly nodded. “Yes. The coordinates are on this data chip.” He held out the chi, but when Justin went to take it, Legion snatched it away. “But unfortunately you'll never be able to go. I cannot risk anyone leaving here, I need you all to stay.”
“What?”
Legion ignored him and hit a gong and called everyone else in for the meal. “Everyone please be seated for our feast!”

<Tag - time for Legion's feast! Phil, sorry to abandon you, I wanted to ask Legion about changing his program>