Aye Carumba!

<snip>He knew that it'd take the best part of an hour for the lift to take him down to the engineering deck, so he plugged the headphones into the socket on the armrest of his chair and pressed the switch for the in-lift movie. He noted with excitement that it was one of his favourite films - 'Aliens vs. Mary Poppins II: The Bitch is Back'.

Gomez remarked to himself that today had been a good day. Getting the O/G Unit installed, the engineering deck getting put back together and now a great in flight movie. This day couldn't possibly get any better.</snip>

The Xpress Lift doors hissed open and a serene Gomez wandered into the rumbling bowels of the ship, whistling the joyful, if macabre, classic "It's a Bloody Holiday Wiv Mayaree". Unfortunately the ship wasn't the only one who's bowels were rumbling.

Gomez was taken aback as his ship mates unexpectedly whooshed past, screaming, trying to escape the inky discharge of a very angry, very fast, very hooky, squid.
No wait, that wasn't ink it was expelling.
"Eoouuurr!" Gomez covered his nose.
Seymour seemed to be taking the brunt of the splatter and yelped at every new splodge.

"Don't... Don't just stand there!" Davie panted, on one of the strange high speed conga line's stinky passes. "... D-do something!"
"Seventeen floors!" Wailed Seymour. "Seventeen BLOODY floors of this!"
Phi was clutching a tiny, dirty antibacterial wipe as if her life depended on it, and maybe it did.
Jay added his opinion "This is worse than the ti-" but they were out of earshot again.
Gomez was put in mind of a bizarre Chinese Dragon, zooming about the engineering deck.

"But amigos!" He shouted after them "hhwhat can I do?"
He wracked his brain for options and looked around the deck for something he could use. But what could stop a slimy sucker with dysentery?

Fortunately he was saved the hassle, as a sudden buzz and a loud splat signalled the end of the squid. Everyone stopped in their tracks and turned slowly to see the top portion of a simulant, dragging the remaining parts of its body (top half only, no legs and only one arm) judderingly across the floor.
Cass screwed up her face. "Ew. That is..."
"... beautiful." Said Justin, creepily, head tilted, bird-like.
Solvay and Jay exchanged a glance.

"I say!" Said Seymour "I say. That was a jolly good shot, Mister..?"
"Beans" grunted the partial sim.
"... Beans. Yes well thank you Mister Beans." He simpered nervously. "We'll be on our way now if it's all the same to you."
He made a not-so-discreet face at the others and attempted to usher them along.
"You're welcome." Croaked Beans. "Who's next?"
He grinned, revealing rotting teeth, and reloaded with a one handed "chi-ching"

"__ __" mouthed Seymour.
"What?" said Alex.
"shnoot hiimm" he repeated, a little louder.
"No, sorry, still not getting it."
"I SAID SHOOT HIM, you ridiculous oaf."

"Oh did you?" Said Beans, softly.

"Oh dear." Gulped Seymour. "I think I've just squid myself..."

<calamari, anyone?>