Justin Pantscake

<Snip 1>
Jay turned the pencil over and over in his hands. "How do I turn it on?" He
asked.
Justin groaned. "You've been a Captain for too long, you've forgotten how the
other half of us live!" He said. "Just remember these items. I need you to ask
for:
"9 Spirit level bubbles.
"3 tine of Tartan paint
"A Left-handed sonic screwdriver
"A Bucket of steam
"A jar of elbow grease"
"A glass hammer"
"And 3 metres of Fallopian tubes. Got that?"
Jay was too distracted trying to remember the items, he didn't even consider
that they might be joke items. He nodded and walked towards the expresslift
elevator.
<End Snip 1>
<Snip 2>
There was an uneasy pause, and then Spannerface's face cracked into laugher as
he got the joke. He slapped Justin on the back again. "Brilliant!" he said. "Now
that you're part of the gang you can come and join us down the pub?"
Justin was shocked. Was this all it took to be accepted? To make friends with
the bullies you just had to bully someone else?
Justin grinned and went with them. He felt accepted."
<End Snip 2>
Justin proudly walked into Parrotts with his new found friends. He strode to the
bar and ordered
a round of drinks for them all. While he was waiting, he noticed something out
of the corner of his
eye, and turned to look at it properly.
"Chrysler!" he snapped "what are you doing in here?"
Jay was perched on a bar stool a bit further along, having a drink with Dean
Thomas.
"Washing up" he replied flatly. "what's it look like?"
"You're supposed to be getting supplies!"
"Pancake. I'm a qualified Engineer. I designed and built the Space Eagle II. You
think I don't
realised that theres no such thing as Tartan paint? Or Left-Handed Sonic
ScrewdriverS?"
"Bu....but then why didn't you say anything?"
"Seemed a good excuse to screw you over...Justin Pancake, so intolerable to work
with that he drives away the
only crew member ever assigned to work under him within 30 minutes. Think Callum
will trust
you again?"
"Get back to work!" Justin snapped "You've got chicken soup machines to repair!"
"I quit"
"You can't quit! You're fired!"
"Whatever." Jay took another sip from his pint.
"but...but!!"
"Was there something else?"
Justin gathered the drinks together and stormed off to join Spannerface and his
cronies.
"So." Spannerface said "New guy showed you up huh?"
"No!" Justin replied "He just...um..."
"You know what this means?" Spannerface asked "It means you're the lowest member
of the crew
again...you know what that means don't you..."
"I think I have a pretty good idea..."
Spannerface smiled, and casually lifted Justin three feet off the ground by the
waistband of his
underpants...