Pancake\'s knackered nackers

Who: Justin Pancake and Dr Keto
Where: Starbug, the Medical room
When: After Justin talked to Harris
What Dr Keto had just seen almost made him sick.
"Pull your trousers up please." Said Keto.
"Are you sure I'm going to be okay?" Justin asked with a whimper.
"Your penis and genitals have been severely crushed." Said Dr Keto. "Can you explain how this happened?"
"A fat hooker?" Justin said, and grinned. "No only joking. I acted like a bit of a bastard to this guy called Lester back in the 12th Century. I told these guards at Castle Boobage that he was a badguy, and I was a good guy. They believed me and gave me a feast, and tried to burn him alive."
"Ah" said Keto. "So he crushed your penis in return?"
"Yes. Well not personally of course. He got his little robot to give me a wedgie. It really really hurt. Wedgies aren't supposed to make you bleed are they?"
"No, of course not." Said Keto. "Here, take this ointment. Rub it onto your genitals three times a day."
"Cool, thanks doc!"
"Oh and here's a warning." Said Keto. "Don't ever drink alcohol after applying the ointment."
"Yeah yeah, whatever doc. Every medicine says that. It'll be fine."
"No. I'm serious. Don't drink alcohol after applying the ointment. The results are… unpredictable."
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Cya doc!" Justin waved and walked out of the room, holding his delicate testicles.
Justin found a quiet spot on the Starbug where he could pour a lavish dose of the gooey ointment down the front of his trousers. Luckily the rest of the crew were busy helping with the attack on the Blue Dwarf, so nobody noticed him with his hands down his pants.
"Oh that feels good." He said, caressing his pork sword with hands slippery from ointment.
<snip>
"Frier?" Came a scottish accent from the rear... " I'll have a fry up if your
making one, and can someone explain whats going on." Callum Kochanski and woken up from his drunken sleep in the starbug engine room at last. He'd finished the
engine tweeks and had decided to celebrate with a few gallons of JD... That was
a week ago.
<end snip>
Justin head the voice of Callum Kotchanski from the back of the Starbug. He walked over to find the man curled up in some sort of nest made from wires, engineering manuals and an assortment of other things.
"Hangover?" Justin asked the man who had clearly spent a long time drinking.
"Just a bit." Kotchanski sarcastically under-exaggerated.
"I have just a solution!" Said Justin. "Hair of the dog. There's some cans of JMC lager in that locker behind you. Fancy a drink together?"
<Tag – So Callum, do you fancy a bit of a binge? We can get drunk and disrupt what everyone else is doing. Oh, and what is the "unpredictable" thing that happens if Justin drinks alcohol? >