Oint-mental condition

Who:- Medical staff
Where:- Medical Shuttle
 
"ointment #45678" Keto said curtly. Holding a pair of long, insulated metal tongs at arms length, Vanessa, fully kitted out in a radiation suit Vanessa lifted the ointment Jar from Keto's medi-kit and passed it to him.
Keto, wearing no safety equipment other than a lab coat, snatched the jar from the tongs and looked up.
"Why are you dressed like that?""Who knows what's in these jars!" Vanessa said gesturing across the lab table, her voice muffled through the radiation suit's mask "Your ointments have a reputation for a reason!"
"Don't be so ridiculous!" snapped Keto. "My ointments are perfectly safe! I've handled them, without protection for years and never had a problem!"
"You can only get drunk on peanuts as a result of your ointments!" exclaimed Vanessa "I'd say that was a pretty serious problem!"
"Yes, well, perhaps if the same could be said about you, we wouldn't have ended up with that!" Keto nodded toward William, he and Vanessas baby son, lying in Jay and Vanessa's mother's arms.
"He has a name!" scolded Vanessa "And what happened that night was hardly exclusively down to me!"
"Of course it was" Keto remarked, pouring the contents of ointment jar #45678 into a larger beaker which already contained an indescribably coloured liquid, the solution emitted a small puff of smoke as it mixed.
"You took advantage of me in a vulnerable state!" he continued.
"WHAT?!"  squealed Vanessa "I was as drunk as you were! and you hardly put up a fight!"
"Anyway" said Keto "While I still fail to comprehend how I managed to allow myself to fornicate with a....." he shuddered as he said the next word "Chrysler...and that fact that I get chills when I'm reminded that I actually aided in bringing ANOTHER Chrysler into the world, what's done is done. It cannot be changed, so we might as well stop assigning blame anywhere but to you, and get on with some work. The luck ointment is ready."
"Are you sure that's the luck Ointment?" Vanessa asked, staring at the beakers contents. The Ointment was giving off a strange whistling sound, and emitting oddly coloured vapours. "It looks a little...dangerous.."
"Nonsense!" Keto snapped "I assure it will work!"
"RUSTLE!" said the Big Pink Tree "RUSTLE RUSTLE!!"
"Exactly!" said Vanessa
"Oh very well" Keto sighed "If you insist we'll test it first...You!" he snapped pointing at the Chrysler's mother "Chrysler woman! Pass me the baby!"
"NO!" Vanessa yelled "YOU ARE NOT USING OUR SON AS A TEST SUBJECT!"
"Really?" Keto replied, dejectedly "Not even a tiny bit?"
"Who knows what would happen to him?"
"He'd get extremely lucky!" Keto said, optimistically. "Now bring me the child!" he said, getting to his feet and walking toward William and Vanessa's mother.
"No! You are not going anywhere near him!" Vanessa wailed running after him
"he's my son too!" Keto snapped "You can't keep me from him!"
"I CAN KEEP YOU FROM TURNING HIM INTO SOME KIND OF MUTANT FROM YOUR SICK EXPERIMENTS!" yelled Vanessa and dived at the Doctor, knocking the ointment from his hands, it fell to the floor shattering the beaker's glass. The ointment began melting through the deckplate, with a loud hissing noise.
"Look at that! Vanessa scolded "You would have KILLED HIM!"
"Well" Said Keto, dusting his hands. "Back to the drawing board I guess!"