mmm, sweet, sweet nicotine

who: Cassandra
where: at the crash site
when: 1194 - 12th century
<snip>
"The parts will be explained to you when you get there... I don't even know what you're going to be looking for.... I'd guess its so no one from this timeline can get to it, and do something wrong."
"DISMISSED!"
</snip>
'Dismissed!?' Cass snorted and wrinkled her nose in distaste. That sort of authoritarianism always rankled somewhat, but then what was to be expected from a captain? Perhaps one day she'd be the one giving the orders and it wouldn't quite be so bad...
<snip>
Rosette grabbed Brittany by the hand. "Come with me, we'll get you some clothes to wear before you catch your death of cold."
"Awww, but I like the men staring at my boobs..." Brittany complained.
</snip>
'...? I can't believe I just heard that...'
Sighing Cass turned away along with the other milling faceless members of the Blue Dwarf crew, and for wont of anything better to do, started trudging towards a large, distant section of the other dimensional Blue Dwarf wreckage, jutting upwards from the ruined ground; paradoxes be damned - somewhere in there was a selection of warm clothes, and a pack of fags with her name on them, so it was time to let some more public spirited types save the universe. Besides, she reflected: if all else failed, there were always other universes to flee to; this one, in Cass' opinion wasn't all so much to write home about.
Maybe, she mused as she skirted around a larger piece of detritus, she could flee to a universe where all the crap that had happened in her life hadn't come to light, then perhaps she could take her other dimensional self's place and start to enjoy things
Cassandra stopped at this, feeling momentarily shocked that she was considering killing a perfectly happy albeit hypothetical version of herself, just so she could try and feel a little better about her life
"Smeg's sake..." she muttered shaking her head in disbelief, before continuing on her way
The section of the ruined Dwarf that Cass was heading towards had gouged a deep, ragged scar into the landscape before it had come to a rest, leaving nothing but debris, scorched earth and ruined trees in its wake, so as she wound her way carefully down through smoking piles of wreckage, Cass was more than a little surprised when she found herself face to face with what appeared to be a monk; a berobed old man standing, apparently for no reason, amidst a carpet of smashed crockery.
His eyes lit up when he saw her
"Ah! The prostitute!"
"Hey!" Cass snapped "I'm getting pretty fed up with... Oh? What's this?"
Cass regarded the small package the man was proffering with suspicion; it looked about the size of a pack of cards, wrapped in ancient looking leather, with a faded "III" stamped on it
"We have no idea what it is." replied the man, "It's been in the possession of our order for some centuries. All we know is what the prophecies tell us"
"Which is...?"
"You won't like it"
"Try me" Cass said dryly
The old man sighed, and raising his arms dramatically, he began to chant
"And yea, amidst the desolation beyond the big pointy thing, near the large round smoking thing, and on top of a lot of crunchy things, the wandering trollop shall be found. Wait ye there and gift unto her Holy Icon Number Three..."
"Trollop..? For smegs sake!" Cass shouted, starting to feel the angry edges of nicotine withdrawal taking over "I was unfortunate enough to be forced to embark on this stupid smegging sojourn in this tacky outfit, but why the smeg do each and every one of you backward dirt grubbing smegging smegwits think I'm some cheap smegging tart like our oh so laudable Queen Brittany!?"
"Verily, she will be labouring under an ill humour..."
"Ill humour!?" Cass screeched as she looked around for something heavy to hit the man with, "I'll give you an ill humour you smegging old smegger! I'm cold, hungry, and tired after a crappy day of being chased, strung up in trees, and nearly killed! And you've the temerity to suggest that I'm likely to be anything other than happy!?"
"But thou shall only have but to wait..."
"You'll only have to wait long enough for me to try and force feed you your smegging icon to shut you the smeg up..."
A large, heavy hand slapped onto her shoulder making Cass start. Twisting, she turned to face the shaven headed man towering over her
"Le Souteneur still wants a word with you" Mr. Butler growled
"I... Look..." she began lamely, the fight draining out of her as quickly as it had come
"And yea! Then the strumpet shall then be naught but a fluffy wee bunny..."
"Oh for..." Cass sighed
"Your input is no longer required sir" snarled Mr. Butler
"Of course." the monk smiled and stepped forward proffering the package again, "Icon number three. I believe you are to open it."
Cassandra warily took the parcel from him and peeled back the black leather wrapping to expose a collection of key cards, a micro media player and a data stick
"Huh. Not much to base a holy order on! I hope your other icons were more impressive..."
The monk smiled beatifically "Oh it's all a load of bollocks! I'm just in it for the mead."
Cass frowned, unable to fault his logic
"So what next?" she asked the old man
"Well, my part is done here, but I understand you carry on towards that big blue pointy thing at the end of this new canyon." replied the monk, indicating the wreckage Cass had been making her way towards
"Enjoy your journey" he said with a grin and abruptly began striding off, feet crunching amidst the broken plates
Cassandra scowled and watched him go, then turned to Mr. Butler
"I don't suppose you've any cigs have you..?"
Butler growled in response
"I'll take that as a no, shall I?" Cass sighed and petulantly threw her hand up in the air "Ok, let's go see Le Souteneur shall we? Maybe he'll just kill me and get this misery over and done with!"
"May I suggest you check the player, ma'am?"
"I... was just going to do that."
Cass slotted the data stick into the player and thumbed the on button, squinting as the little screen flickered to life, showing a blonde woman standing in front of blackboard
"Hello Cassandra" the woman smiled "First things first: You'd better get inside - it's about to start raining and you'll catch your death. Tell Mr. Butler to come along too."
Cassandra hit the pause button as the first of many fat raindrops splattered onto the ground around her. This was kinda wierd
"I believe we should make an expeditious break for cover, are you coming Mr. Butler?"
Butler, clearly a man of few words, frowned but nodded, and together they began making their way towards the ruined section of the Dwarf.
The heavens opened moments later, forcing them to sprint the last couple hundred meters, Mr. Butler easily outpacing Cass in her heels over the uneven ground and making it through a ruined hatch into the gloomy, emergency lighting lit interior long before Cass shivered in, looking and feeling like a drowned rat.
Sneering, she held the media player up and pressed play again while Mr. Butler busied himself poking through various bits of detritus
"All dry and happy?" asked the woman
"You bet, you smegging cow" Cass muttered, rivulets of cold rainwater sliding out from her hair, down her face and neck
"No need to be like that!" smiled the woman "Now, to business. You bozos are screwing your time line up in a very big, reality ending kind of way; there's no way out of it Cass, you don't have time to invent yourself a wormhole device, so you'll simply cease to exist unless you help."
Cass paused the player, frowning at this particular piece of news. As far as sales pitches went, ceasing to exist was pretty motivating. She thumbed play again.
"Now, all being well" the woman continued, "there are others retrieving elements of the singularity virus at the moment; you're going to retrieve one of them and at the same time, help fix one of the many temporal glitches. Oh, and Mr. Butler has just found you a packet of cigs."
Cass hit pause again and looked up expectantly as the big man walked back over towards her and held out a pack of tabs and a lighter
"Now's a great time to consider quitting" he rumbled
"What are you? My mother?"
Cass snatched the packet and eagerly tore the wrapping off to extract a cig, which she slid between her shivering lips and sparked up.
Taking a big drag, she stopped there, holding her breath, eyes closed and dead still for long enough for Butler to begin to wonder if she was alright, before she exhaled again, neurotransmitters scintillating happily with nicotine
"Ah. That's better", she wobbly sighed, thumbing play again and taking another deep gasp.
The blonde woman directed them deeper and deeper into the wrecked section of the Dwarf and after a tortuous hour of scrambling over wreckage and up through ruptured bulkheads they found themselves in one of the ruined Dwarfs cavernous vehicle hangars. Two other people, possibly either survivors or crew from their own Dwarf were busy trying to pry a weapons locker open.
"Tada!" announced the blonde, "Here we are! Somewhere around here, there's a functioning Blue Midget. Grab an armload of weapons, and then fly it over to Aquileia. There's a boat near there with the instructions for the singularity virus on it. Off you go!"
<tbc/>
<ooc>
anyone that fancies a brief sojourn to shoot the crap out of something, feel free to get in touch :)
</occ>