A selfish Pancake

Who: Justin Pancake, Efof, Lester and Dai
Where: Outside Castle Boobage
When: 12th Century
Lester, Dai, Justin and Efof all found very sharp and/or rusty swords pressed
against their faces.
"So what do we have here?" Boomed a loud voice. A man wearing brightly coloured
leathers and a fur cloak walked out behind the guards.
"Who's that?" Whispered Efof to Justin, although his question was quickly
answered by the well-dressed man himself.
"My name is Duke Niples of Boobage. And what do we have here?"
What happened next could have gone many different ways, depending on who talked
first. The chief guard was already dead, and without him, his guards were as
useful as a condom machine in the Vatican. Which left only, the Black Lester,
the Welsh Dai, the Blue and odd-looking Efof, and the repulsive Justin.
Justin didn't want to give anyone else the chance to speak.
Efof had already started to say "Niples of Boobage? Are you related to-" but
Justin's sense of self-preservation cut him off mid-sentence.
"My lord I'm so glad to see you!" Said Justin, laying on the charm thickly. This
confused the Duke, as he didn't really know what was going on, and assumed
Justin was one of the Prisoners. Although he wasn't actually sure what had
happened outside his castle before he had confronted them.
Before he even had chance to think, Justin spoke again. "My lord, I have brought
you these prisoners. This blue creature is a demon sent from Hell to spy on us.
He appeared out of nowhere in the forest, I think he is is the prelude to an
invasion."
"Justin you bastard, what are you doing?" Efof hissed out of his teeth.
"An invasion?" Said Duke Niples of Boobage.
"Yes. The Devil himself might be sending his demonic forces here in just a few
hours! This blue demon was sent here to see how much of a threat we are."
"Justin what are you saying?" Efof whispered.
"...We must show them that we're stronger than he thought!" Justin finished.
The Duke thought about this for a moment. "If this is true, then we must kill
this demon immediately, just to show the Devil that we are a force to be
reckoned with!"
Justin nodded. Efof shook his head. "Justin, why are you lying?!"
Justin ignored him.
Lester now took his turn to talk He took a step forward in his thick boots. His
bold eyes stood out dramatically from his dark skin.
"My lord. This man is telling lies." He said convincingly. He'd previously
managed to convince Michel the guard that Justin (or "Justin of Pancake") was a
perverted criminal. The Duke started to listen to what he was saying, and seemed
to be convinced.
Justin didn't want to allow the duke to be convinced by this newcomer, whoever
he was.
"My lord!" Justin said, making the Duke turn his head away from Lester. "This
man is the one who is lying to you!"
"Oh for God's sake, you can't BOTH be lying!" The Duke said.
"Who would you rather believe..." Justin said. "Me... or a black man and a
welshman?"
Efof gasped. Lester scowled. The Duke pondered this for a moment.
"King Richard is currently away in the Holy Land fighting Saladin and his army
of dark-faced Arab warriors." Duke Niples of Boobage said, then he pointed at
Lester. "Who is to say you're not one of Saladin's spies?"
Lester was lost for words. "I... I... but I'm British my lord! Listen to my
accent."
"Pish!" Said the Duke. "You're blacker than Saladin's pubic hairs! You're unlike
any British person I've ever seen."
Lester scowled. He knew the Duke was right, there just wasn't many black people
in Britain in the 12th Century, so they would be naturally suspicious of them.
He thought back to Robin Hood – Prince of thieves. What would Morgan Freeman do?
"And you!" The Duek pointed to Dai. "The tribes in the Welsh mountains have been
our enemies for years. "
Justin grinned.
"Arrest them both!" The Duke called out. Then he pointed at Efof, who was
looking sheepish. "And have that demon burned alive. I want to show the Devil
how tough we are!" The the thought for a moment. "On second thoughts... burn
them ALL!"
Efof, Lester and Dai were taken away by the guards and they all shouted
obscenities back at Justin, who just met them with a sly grin and a shrug.
"Thankyou for your help." The Duke said, shaking Justins hand. "You have earned
a place in my court. We're having a banquet tonight, there will be much
drinking, eating and corvorting."
Justin rubbed his hands together. "Just my kind of activities!" He said
excitedly.
---------*Later*---------------------
Justin sat in a large banqueting hall swigging a large amount of wine from a big
golden chalice. Around him there were various other lords and ladies, and
several Jesters that were juggling and doing all sorts of silly tricks.
Each male in the room had several women buzzing around them, all of them were
paid to be there and "entertain" the guests. Justin loved this, and was making
full advantage of it. As he bit into a leg of chicken, he ordered a girl to lick
his ear lobe, which she did gratefully. Another one sat under the table kissing
his knees.
Outside in the damp evening air, Efof, Lester and Dai were tied to a post above
a mound of dry sticks and straw. An executioner in a black hood held a fiery
torch in his left hand and threw it onto the dry wood. "Nothing personal." The
executioner said.
"Damn yooouuuu Pancakeeeee!!" Efof yelled.
Justin peered out of the window of the tall tower and saw the flames licking at
his crewmen's feet. "Do I feel guilty at what I've done?" He asked himself. Then
he shrugged. "Nahh, I've got too much drinking, eating and covorting to do".
<Sorry guys, but Justin's sacrificed you for his own goals!>