RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Re: Efof + Justin \"Marching Captives\" pt2

<Edited SNIP>"Justin!" Efof whispered."I can see them. I think it's.... oh no.""Oh no, what?""I don't know, but they're dressed wierd. I mean now wierd, not past wierd. Which is just wierd." Justin said and hung his head."That's good right. It probably means they're from the Blue Dwarf right? So they're here to rescue us aren't they?"Justin nodded. "That's right, only... I shot this guy once, in the stomach. And I tried to kidnap the Captain and give him to the Hymenoptera, I don't think either of them have forgiven me yet.""Oh well." Said Efof. "Maybe he'll rescue me, and leave you to be captured!" Justin gave Efof an evil glare. "Or maybe he'll rescue me, just so that he can pummel me for what I did, and he'll forget about you?"
Efof scowled. Then he shouted out "Hey, you! Save us!"  All of the medieval armoured guards that were travelling alongside them heard Efof and looked into the forest at where he was shouting. They drew their swords.
"After them!" Shouted the head guard, and several armoured men charged their horses into the forest after the hidden men.<end edited SNIP>
 
 
There is a universal constant, no call it a dramatic imperative: whenever an armoured guard of some kind shouts: "After them!" or some such, the object of their attentions turns and runs. Sometimes this is from fear. Sometimes it's to lead the armoured, shouting guards into a trap.
 
What they absolutely should not do under any circumstances, is stand out in the open with legs apart, idly inspecting their fingernails. It's just not right. In fact, it's borderline offensive.
 
Lester, this strange, new... ok, let's say it: this Black Lester, stood calmly, just as described, one hand on his belt, the other inspecting his fingernails, which he occasionally chewed and spat out the bits.
 
The armoured charge turned into an armoured canter then decreased to an annoyed trot until finally, the guard leader walked up to Lester who finished picking at his fingers and smiled a dazzling, slightly-too-big smile at them.
 
'Name thyself, sir,' he demanded and Lester bowed deeply.
 
'Marquis de Nain Bleu,' Lester declared, 'at your service. This poor wretch is my faithful servant. Taffy.'
 
'What? Taffy is it? I'll give you Taffy...' Dai looked at the startled and suspicious expression of the mounted guard. 'Uh, sir. I mean.'
 
'Welsh? They are brutish and make poor servants,' the Guard sniffed. 'My Lord, do you know this man and his demon?'
 
'I profess to fraternise with no demon,' Lester chuckled, 'but the man is known to me.' He strode past the Guard Captain, whose name, as it turns out, was Michel, and stood nose to nose with Justin, who sort of slouched and tried to look innocent. This simply magnified how guilty the man looked. Lester regarded him sternly then whirled away.
 
'Justin of Pancake,' he declaimed explosively, 'and never has a more vile man been seen upon these fair shores.' He returned to the Guard Captain: 'a heretic of the worst kind, a mad scient- uh a-alchemist. What? Yes: a mad alchemist with a vision of the Philosopher's Stone. I thought his thing with the cattle was bad enough, but now to be cavorting with demons!'
 
'What thing with cattle, milord?'
 
'You don't want to know,' Lester said off-handedly, turning again to glare at Justin. 'Even you will not be able to stand to hear it.'
 
'I don't think I will have a problem, milord.'
 
'No, you will be sick.'
 
'What if you told me a bit, then you can stop if I'm feeling queasy?'
 
'No, you will be sick immediately,' Lester replied, his grin becoming more frozen with every passing second.
 
'What if I am sick quietly into a bag? I mean how bad can it be?'
 
Lester sighed, reached up to the Guard and pulled him gently down so he could whisper in his ear. There was a pause, then the Guard Captain wretched and vomited. Lester stepped neatly back, avoiding the splashes. (Prize to the person who spots the Red Dwarf link in my cribbed (stolen) bit of nonsense.)
 
'With ... with cows, milord?' The Guard Captain quivered, wiping his face with a leather gauntlet.
 
'On the days when he is feeling more civilised, yes.'
 
'We should gut him now!'
 
'Ah-ah,' Lester held up a finger, 'due process. That is what seperates men like us from abominable cattle-botherers like Monsieur of Pancake. We should move on.' He strode off, with a light: 'come, Taffy!' and again stood before Justin and Efof. 'Such a shower of worthless hell-sent excrement I never did see,' he proclaimed loudly. Then quietly he said: 'All right lads, just play along for a bit and we'll make a break for it when we can.' He turned and waved a hand in the direction they had been heading.
 
'ON!' Lester declared, 'on to ...' he dropped his hand. 'Where are we going?'
 
'Castle Boobage, milord,' Michel the Guard Captain said proudly.
 
'ON to Castle ... Boob.. age?' Lester marched forth and Dai followed, but as he went he couldn't help but mutter:
 
'Lester I know would have knocked that guy's block off, wouldn't he? Who are you?'
 
'No muttering in the ranks, Taffy!'
 
'I'll give you Taffy!'
 
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