(no subject)

who: jei byrd
where: shuttle- deep space
when: half past lunch
space... it's really big... perhaps you've never considered how big it
is...it's just huge... most importantly if you happened to be in a
small space craft... say a shuttle... and you were to have an
unlimited supply of food and water.. you could float around for some
time... a long time...
it is thus jay byrd had been floating for some time... nearly six
months... in this time he had been mostly working on partical
reconfiguration and trying to figure out how to put toothpaste back in
the tube. thus far he had not figured out how to put the toothpaste
back, but had designed a food replicater. thus he was able to stay
stocked up on his quick fix drugs and his more fun drugs. he hadn't
run out of raw metirial yet and if he did he could still find an
astroid and using it's raw matirial make more food.
it was thus that time had passed. it wasn't long before the fateful
day arived.
the scanners buzzed with excitment. a ship?! he fell out of his make
shift bed and ran over to the controls. it was a ship. "JMC?" he
thought to himself. "jamed microwave computer?" no that wasn't
right... "hmmm... junk manage comittee?" no again not right...
"ummm... jumping mexican cantelope?" he felt as if he was close with
the last one... but still had no idea...
he tried to figure it out for some time. his com light begin to flash
and the sub-space silence was broken.
"this is the JMC mining ship blue dwarf, please identify yourself" the
com buzzed.
"umm... this is..." he would say flipping on the com channel, then
realizing he had no idea what to say started to make stuff up. "this
is the HMS mr. patatohead out of the yak yards of the fast food planet
of foodcortia on a rescue mission to the far off planet of bigus dickus."
the line fell silent. for several moments it would seem that they were
buying it. then after some time "prepare to be boarded."
the cursed his luck and tried to clean up a little, the place was a
mess and guests were coming... he winded up just trying to hide the
drugs and spray air freshener. he was in such a state of panic that
the boarding party had already attached to his ship and was prying
open the docking hatch before he realized that they had arrived.
he would suddenly open the hatch sending the poor fool who was trying
to pry it open falling back.
within seconds the small shuttle had at least four heavily armed
security personel surrounding him.
he would grin and look at them. "pizza?" he would ask with holding up
a slice.