Seymour - *Backpost* - "A perverted nightmare"

Who: Seymour Niples
Where: Titan
When: About a year ago
<snip>
"Okay give me the antidote then."
The man grinned slyly and threw it out of the window. "Go fetch it."
"You sir, are a bastard!" Seymour accused. The man turned to leave
the room. "Wait! Tell me what you have done with Jennifer and Baby
Alota."
The man paused before he left. "We took the baby but we didn't take
your girlfriend."
He left, leaving Seymour with a hundred additional penises on his
body, and wondering where Jennifer had gone.
<end snip>
Seymour looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like a perverted
nightmare. He looked out of the window where the antidote had been
thrown. He was on the third floor, and below him was a busy street.
The chance of finding the small tablet was slim, but he had to try.
Seymour pulled his suit jacket over his head and walked through the
hospital corridors down into the street. Every nurse, doctor and
patient he passed looked at his shadowed face curiously, but if they
had seen him in full daylight they would definitely scream in horror.
The automatic doors gently bathed him in MRSA-killing radiation as he
left the hospital's main lobby. Out on the busy Titan street he
searched the floor for the tablet.
He saw it laying between a discarded tray of curry and a cigarette
end. Seymour sighed in relief, but frowned in disgust as he thought
how dirty it probably was.
He picked it up and dusted it off. There were a few hairs sticking to
it, and an ant crawling all over it.
He swallowed and hoped it would take effect quickly.
Sadly, it wasn't quickly enough as a middle aged woman absent
mindedly walked into him, making his jacket drop away from his face.
The woman (and her young daughter) looked at him and saw the bizarre
growths. They both put their palms to their cheeks and screamed.
A nearby police officer heard the screaming and quickly pulled
Seymour into his hovering squad car.
The police officer looked at the hundred sexual organs all over
Seymour's body and simply said "Multiple counts of indecent exposure.
You're coming to the station sonny."
It took three full hours before the penises on Seymour's face and
arms dried up, then fell off like scabs. He scratched at the final
one until it fell to the floor, looking like a dried up sultana. He
had a moment of panic as he checked to make sure the original hadn't
flaked off as well. He was in luck.
A police officer came into Seymour's cell just as he pulled his
trousers back up.
"You're free to go. We need this cell for proper criminals."
Seymour uttered a bitter "Thank you" to the officer, but turned to
him before he left.
"So what about Jennifer and Alota?"
"What about them?" asked the police officer
"Well they have been abducted by an evil corporation!"
The officer sighed. "Well we did check, but there is no record of
any 'Jennifer Bond' at the hospital, and no record of either of them
even showing up on this planet."
"What?" said Seymour.
"TransMed has no knowledge of them either. And I doubt they'd take
kindly to you calling them an 'evil corporation'. They make a lot of
medicines that cure people you know. My wife takes their headache
tablets, does that make her an evil sympathiser?"
"No." Seymour said, looking down. He changed the subject. "So you're
doing nothing to help me?"
"That's about it matey. As far as we're concerned, you're just
another lunatic calling for some people you made up."
"But I'm a Royal Ambassador! I work on the JMC Blue Dwarf."
"And there aren't a lot of lunatics on there?" The officer said
sarcastically. "As far as I hear, the whole ship's full of them."
Seymour squinted.
"Last news cast I heard there was some virus or something on board
that made people's dicks fall off and run around attacking people.
Heh, if that's not made up by lunatics, I don't know what is!"
Seymour pushed past the officer, realising he wasn't going to get any
help here.
He went back to the hospital and to the ward where Jenny had been. He
didn't expect her to have suddenly re-appeared, but he was convinced
he could find some clue to her disappearance.
Two nurses were preparing Jenny's room for the next patient. Seymour
entered and asked them if they remember when Jenny had been moved.
"Well she was here until the end of shift yesterday, I checked on her
just before I clocked off." Said the first nurse. She was fat and
middle-aged.
"Well she was gone by the start of my shift." Said the second nurse
who was tall and skinny.
"But that can't be." Said the fat one. "Because our shifts overlap by
an hour."
"Well she was definitely gone at the start of mine, I came up here
first thing."
Seymour scratched his head. "So what you're saying is... she was here
and also gone at the same time."
The nurses thought, and nodded.
<TBC>