Seymour - "Has drinks with the Queen" pt2

Who: Seymour Niples
Where: Windsor Castle, New Tenerife
When: Present time
<snip>
"And they make the best lager in the whole universe."
"That can't be that hard." Seymour said under his breath, then
realised he'd said it a little too loud and instantly feared Brittany
might have heard and taken offence. She was prone to mood swings, and
very occasional had an incredibly bad temper, which was an extremely
terrifying thing when you had as much power as the Queen. There was a
steely silence as Brittany glared at him. Seymour started to sweat.
<end snip>
Then she laughed. "Seymour you're so serious all of the time!"
Seymour let out a sigh of relief. "I know I'm the Queen of England
so should be drinking... I dunno... tea picked by talking British
monkeys, or wine made by local fishermen or something but can't a
Queen just enjoy some lager for a change?"
Seymour nodded. "As you wish ma'am." And he forced a smile, but
flinched every time he saw the Queen of England take a swig from the
can. From the can!
"So how is that starship of yours?" She asked, leaning over the
table. "I so much enjoy you telling me of you adventures! What wacky
things have happened this time? Have you discovered any new
bloodsucking aliens? Or had to run away from monstrous space-dwelling
life forms?" She asked with genuine excitement.
"I... well... there was something... it's the reason why I'm here
actually."
"Go on."
"I wanted to ask for your help."
"My help?" Asked the Queen. "What could I do? I'm stuck on this
boring planet because my bodyguards say it's too dangerous to go
offworld!" Then she grinned. "Not that I listen to them of course."
"Well, you know I met a woman..." Seymour started.
"Seymour you sly dog!" She leaned closer across the table. If she had
been closer she would have nudged him in the arm.
"This was a long time ago... a few years." Seymour said. "Her name
was Jennifer."
"Oh 'Jenny'. Yeah I remember."
"Well she had a baby."
"No! Really!" Brittany said with excitement as if this was the best
gossip she'd gotten all year. "Have you got pictures?"
"No. She was actually born about a year ago."
"And you didn't tell me? Seymour this is huge! Congratulations!"
Seymour shifted uncomfortably. "Well... Me and Jenny didn't get on so
well after she found out she was pregnant, and after the baby was
born she wouldn't allow me to see it."
"What a bitch!" Said Brittany, jumping to conclusions.
"Well yes. But no... well I don't know. Maybe I was being too pushy."
"You're too hard on yourself Seymour!"
"Yes. Well maybe." Seymour said, fully allowing the Queen to stroke
his ego. "So at first, I didn't see much of the baby-"
"What's her name?"
"Oh. Urm. Alota."
Brittany thought for a second. "After the -"
"After the ex-Captain of the Blue Dwarf yes." Seymour admitted.
"Wait!" Brittany thought for a second. "You named her Alota Nipples?
That's terrible!" She said with a grin.
"I know, I know." Seymour hung his head in his hands. "It was her
idea. I think it was an homage to the ex-Captain."
Brittany grinned, then urged Seymour to continue. "Well I didn't see
much of Alota, which was terribly annoying, but well... I have
Ambassadorial duties so I didn't mind so much not having to worry
about bringing up a child too."
Brittany made some sympathetic noise, and Seymour continued. "And
that was when Jenny fell into a coma."
"What?! How come?"
"Oh it's not important, there was this robot uprising, it was... well
it's unimportant, anyway she went into a coma and then I was just
given this baby. This little tiny puking baby."
"Aww how sweet!"
"No, not sweet!" Seymour harrumphed. "It ruined some of my best suits
by just being sick all of the time!"
"But I bet she is so cute! Where is she? Didn't you bring her?"
Seymour's face went pale. "No..." He paused, and took a deep
breath. "And that's why I came to see you. I need your help in
forming some small army."
Brittany blinked. "What? One minute we're talking about babies, and
now you're talking about creating an army? Did I miss something?"
"Yes ma'am."
Brittany sighed, she could see Seymour readying himself to tell a
very long and important story.
"Okay then, what happened?"
<To be continued next in a bit of a re-cap episode!>