Niples - "Beware, lots of childish toilet humour" pt2

Who: Ambassador Seymour Niples
Where: Mollopod Planet
When: As Seymour needed the toilet
Seymour was in an unfamiliar city, and worse, it was a city that was
under attack. Clutching his lower midriff, he ran from building to
destroyed building to see if it had anything like a toilet. His
stomach was feeling bloated and he had to clench his buttocks firmly
closed now, as he could already feel something working its way out.
Keeping his legs as close together as possible, he shuffled out into
one of the main streets. He was near the large square where the
Mollopods had held the large banquet in their honour. That means he
was also very close to the transporter pads that the Krylons had used
to invade this city.
This made him worried, but his stomach groaned and his bowels felt
like they were about to explode. He wasn't sure which he feared most.
Seymour carefully picked over the rubble of exploded buildings and
dead Mollopods. The Krylons really had made such a mess of the place.
Every so often, another explosion would cover him in dust, yet he
daren't cough or sneeze just in case the shock to his body made him
loose control of his firmly clenched anus.
Then he saw it. A sign for a toilet. Written in English! This was a
surprise as most of the writing around was in the Mollopod's scrawly
own language, but this was advertising "Human" toilets. Maybe it was
some kind of novelty on this planet?
Seymour didn't care, he quietly thanked whichever fat Mollopod placed
it there and ran at his full sprinting speed towards it. He let the
muscles in his buttocks relax slightly as he knew he wouldnt have to
contain himself any longer, as soon as he got to the toilet all his
troubled would be over.
"Ambassador Niples?" Said a voice.
A voice told Seymour to ignore it, just keep running towards the
toilet, you don't have time to stop now. The countdown is almost
over, zero hour is almost here!
Seymour stopped and faced the person who called him. It was a General
in the Mollopod army. "Ambassador, I would like to introduce you to
the Great Apohollationmaster himself. Lord and ruler of the entire
Mollopod empire."
Seymour's mouth went dry. Normally he loved meeting dignitaries and
rulers, people whom he could use to gain status up the social ladder.
But he however didn't like meeting them when he was seconds away from
creating some serious skidmarks in his Y-fronts.
"Pleased... to meet you." Seymour said, forcing a smile. His voice
cracked as he had to concentrate on shaking the leader's hand, and re-
clenching his buttocks.
"So, we can count on the Humans then?" The Mollopod leader said. But
Seymour wasn't paying attention, he was running his hand down his leg
just to make sure nothing wet had leaked and was on show. Luckily
there was nothing... yet."
"Are you alright?" Asked the Apohollationmaster. His voice was deep
and booming, like a leader ought to be, but still slimy, like the
large slug that he was.
"Oh I'm fine sir. Thank-you. I had an...um... encounter with a Krylon
soldier earlier and I was checking that I was presentable and worthy
to be in your presence."
"Thank you Ambassador. You are truly a dignified man. I would love to
dine on you one day."
"I beg your pardon?"
The Apohollationmaster realised what he had said and looked a little
embarrassed. "Apologies Ambassador. It is just something we Mollopods
say as a term of endearment."
"Oh. Okay, thank-you Mr Apoho-.... Apoll... sir."
"So Seymour. We are thankful of the Human's help with fighting the
Krylons, but we need to take the next step."
Seymour could tell this conversation was one that he really needed to
pay attention to. But the pit of his stomach was burning with a vile
fury that was making him tremble, he knew that he could only hold it
for so long and his organs were feeling extremely heavy with fighting
back. His stomach gurgled and he cleared his through to hide the
noise.
"Absolutely Sir. We need to assemble the fleet, with the Aerons,
Eniram and Antinoptera working together we should be able to defeat
the Krylons."
"I agree, although it will be a challenge. Every member of the
alliance seems to hate the other. The Aerons and Eniram have been
enemies for many hundreds of years, and nobody likes the Antinoptera."
"And they don't like anyone else!" Seymour admitted. Also what he
didn't say was that everyone was scared that the Mollopods just saw
them as a quick snack. He personally didn't trust any of them,
especially after what the Apohollationmaster just said to him.
"Seymour, we have to talk about a target. We need to hit the Krylons
hard. Any ideas?"
Seymour's stomach made the loudest noise so far and Seymour crossed
his legs. "Well the Blue Dwarf was sent into the Krylon dimension
through the firewall, it was intended to collect information and
report back... but it never did."
The Apohollationmaster stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It would have
collected a lot of useful information by now. Is there any way to
retrieve it from their dimension?"
Seymour fidgeted. He was practically bouncing up and down now to take
his mind off the pain in his gut.
"There is only one way into the Krylon dimension Sir, through the
Firewall. It's a big gate that kills anything organic that goes
through."
The Apohollationmaster considered this. "Thank you Seymour, your
information has been extremely helpful. Would you consider-" He
stopped speaking when he realised Seymour wasn't there anymore. He
turned and saw him bounding like a madman to the toilet in the
distance.
If the Apohollationmaster was in earshot he would have heard some
extremely grotesque sounds coming from the toilet followed by a very
satisfied sigh. Then after a good few minutes the aggrovated cry
of "There's no toilet paper!"