LC Smegg in "10 of 10" (Well not actually IN 10 of 10, but that kin

Main engineering
Smegg arrived, out of breath; he hadn't noticed the folks getting chased
by vampires in the game next to him. "What's this Ensign, the engines are
about to blow up? How's that?"
"Explain exactly what is wrong with the engines?" Ensign Jenni "Ten of
Ten" Madison asked Holly. Madison was an attractive woman of
indeterminate age (where had she come from?!), sort of like Madonna or
Sigourney Weaver, it didn't matter if she was 20 or 45, she was just HOT!
And she wasn't all that bright either. Maybe Smegg could ask her out
sometime...
"Well, Ensign," Holly explained, clearly exasperated, "there was a
mysterious gravitic flux that traversed the ship from top to bottom, and
apparently that flux interfered with our idling hyperspace jump field,
causing a massive inverse pulson reaction that will reach the drive core
in exactly 12 minutes, mark now, destroying this ship and much of Jupiter
Spacedock."
"Some weird gravity thingy and the engine's gonna blow up before lunch,"
Madison translated.
"I know what that means!!!" Smegg shouted. "Who ever hired you anyway?"
"Holly, who hired me?"
"The Jupiter Mining Corporation, at the specific request of Commander
Seymour Nipels."
"The JMC," Madison finally replied.
"Whatever." Smegg said. "That was a rhetorical question. The REAL
question is how to fix this drive with most of the crew gone!"
"Holly, how can we fix this drive with most of the--"
"SHUT UP!!!" Smegg and Holly yelled.
"Sorry, only trying to do my job."
"Ten minutes and thirty seconds," Holly reminded them.
Just then a perfectlynormalguy (no relation to the perfectlynormalbeast)
walked into engineering. "Hi, my name's Joe Schweeble, anything I can do
to help?" he asked.
"No time for introductions," Smegg said, "some gravitic anomaly is
wreaking havoc on our engines and we need to stop it. Do you know where
the emergency shutdown is?" He couldn't trust someone as dumb as Madison
with this; better to trust a complete stranger who just blindly offers
his help.
"No..."
"I have to pull this lever here while you pull that lever at the other
end of the room. Safety mechanism, you know."
"Levers are for pulling?" Madison asked as Smegg and Schweeble pulled the
levers. "No wonder I could never get anything out of the snack machines!"
But the engines wouldn't shut down. "The gravitic disturbance must be
interfering with the backup command interface!" Smegg shouted as the
engines started to make a loud rumbling noise.
"Core implosion in nine minutes," Holly somberly intoned.
"I'll try to compensate!" Smegg shouted, then mumbled, "Oh God, I'm
starting to sound like Bellanna Torres!"
Suddenly Smegg noticed Madison wandering around the room, poking at the
controls. "Ooh, wonder what THIS lever does?" he heard her say, as she
innocently handled a large red control lever.
"No! Don't touch THAT lever!" Smegg yelled at her. But it was too late.
The dumb blonde had pulled the lever controlling the Total Inversion
Modulator on the Ultra-Robo-Duplicator Device, an experimental device
installed a few years back to create more efficient mining robots that
turned out to be a big flop; the robots turned out to be berserkers bent
on destroying the human race and had to be terminated by spraying them
with extreme doses of WD-40 until their joints flopped off.
Everyone watched in horror as a hatch opened. Smegg reached for his
standard-issue Space Corps anti-proton blaster only to remember that no
such thing existed. (Did that mean Tai and Kari were still stuck in the
game? No time to ponder that.) A robot came out of the hatch. The robot
looked vaguely like Ensign Madison, only it was 2 1/2 feet tall and had a
drill instead of a nose and treads instead of legs.
"Jolly good day chaps," the robot said. Madison was incredibly freaked
out and hid behind a console. "Ah, I see you have a little problem with
your engines here. Let me take care of that." And with no further words,
the robot moved toward a console. Schweeble wanted to stop the robot, but
Smegg restrained him, saying, "Stranger things have happened around here
and so far the ship hasn't blown up."
The robot reached the console and started drilling at the base of it with
its nose. This looked so comical that everyone, even Holly and Madison,
laughed out loud. After a few minutes of drilling and flying sparks and
general tension among the occupants of Engineering ("One minute and zero
seconds remaining," Holly said, trying to hold back a guffaw), the robot
came out of the console. "All done," it said, and left Engineering.
"Um, thank you come again, whatever you are," Smegg said to the robot,
which was halfway out the door.
"The name's Grounder," it said. "Grounder the genius."
Smegg wondered what would happen when the robot would inevitably run into
a gaggle of scutters. But now, there were other things to concentrate on.
Like Ensign Madison.
"Hey Jenni," he said, "um, want to go out with me? Maybe at the kareoke
competition?" What the heck, she sure was annoying but she was a girl, a
darn tootin' pretty one.
"Holly, should I go out with the Lieutenant Commander?" she asked.
"Oh, forget it," Smegg said.
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Red: "Welcome to the antique roadkill portion of the show we call --"
Mike: "Yeah yeah can you go ahead and appraise this, I've got to meet
with my parole officer in 15 minutes!"
Red: "Okay, let me take a look at this... Mike, that's JUNK."
Dalton: "Not to mention, it's MY junk!"
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