The Aftermath

Yorah woke. His head swam, colours faded, dancing around his eyes until finally the room came into focus. He recognised from the white, almost sickeningly clinical colour and feeling that he was in the Medical-bay of the Relentless. Pain throbbed through his Yorah's head, feeling like his eyeballs were trying to make a break for freedom. Yorah put his palms to his eyes to try and hold them in suddenly, the pain subsided a bit due to this, but it was lurking somewhere at the back of his head, ready to try again.
The fuzzy image of the Medical-bay came into focus; he was lying on one of the many beds. Yorah noticed that he was hooked up to a variety of machines and drips all connected to his body by a number of various means. He had one going into to his arm and a thick blue tube that...oh please no. The tube went underneath the covers on his bed, up between his legs and ...yes, it was stuck up there. Yorah groaned. Why? At the sound of this a dark shape came across Yorah's vision, when it moved away from blocking the roof light Yorah saw it was the smiling face of Gomez, "Hey buddy, you're finally awake, glad to have you back. You've been out for week" Memories flooded back to Yorah, mostly ones of a bet.
"You dirty smegger!" Yorah reached up to wrap his hands round Gomez's throat and squeeze hard but was stopped a few inches from his target. Yorah looked at his hands confused and angry. They were handcuffed and chained to the bed, as were his feet, with the heavy leather and metal straps that are normally reserved for people of the gone mental variety. He looked at Gomez,"Wha..?"
"Yeah, Captain's orders. Sorry." Gomez shifted back to his seat by the bed, Yorah found the bed adjustment control and switched it so that he could sit up. This movement caused him to jerk slightly which aggravated his arse-tube, sending a pinch of pain all the way up his spine only to reunite with the Separatist movement behind his eyes which began their push out his eyes. He winced, and gripped the sheets until it passed. Gomez continued,
"The good thing is the Sting-tail didn't kill you. The sting went all the way through your wrist so only a small amount of its venom got into your bloodstream.  Although the stuff that did get into you did you no good."
"Right, right, but why the smeg am I bloody strapped down!?" Yorah said angrily.
"Well do you remember that the Sting-tail can also produce a hallucinogenic effect?"
"Aye."
"Well you had the biggest trip out ever on record, it was awful, here take a look." Gomez produced a video pad from his internal pocket and showed it to Yorah. It showed a video that was made up of a collection of clips, put together from different sources. Gomez tapped the play button. The first clip was Yorah racing through the Talax wearing his shirt backwards. He bowled over a few Talaxians screaming, out of my way serf! , before grabbing a metal pot and placing it on his head, obviously as some sort of helm, then racing off again down  the crowded corridor.
"Christ, I think I made an arse of mys..." Yorah started
"Whoa shh, there's more. They are all pretty bad, but this one is the worst probably." Gomez interrupted. They looked back at the vid-pad. Gomez fast-forwarded the video. It was the mess hall, all done up fancy for a big dinner. There were five tables with one table running along the top of the five. This table had the head officers of the Relentless plus an admiral visiting seated on it. They were all in full dress uniforms, the Admiral with his many medals and stripes sparkling.
"Oh no I don't anything here do I?" Yorah asked Gomez
"Just watch."
 
The Captain delivered his speech. Thanking the Admiral for his visit, and celebrating the ship's 10 year anniversary of its launch. The Captain was doing alright, he put in a few jokes here and there and so far they all got laughs from the Admiral. Just as he was about half way through the doors to the mess swung open. There stood a figure, naked to the waist with a metal pot helmet and a large Y painted across his chest. "I bring word good sir, from the kingdom of Vlangeblagh." Yorah strode purposefully across the mess hall and stood in front of the Captain and the Admiral, who were too dumbfounded to call the guards. Yorah continued, "That message is...," Yorah ripped off his tattered trousers revealing his genitals, painted purple and pronounced, "This year's colour is Purple!" This was accompanied by a variety of yells some of laughter and horror from the rest of the people in the mess. The Admiral looked shocked, the Captain looked as if he was going to explode.
Yorah wasn't finished however. He stared at the Admiral as if seeing him for the first time. A look of grim determination broke its way across his face. "The beast of Garnesh. I might have known you would have found your way to this holy place." The Admiral looked to the Captain, the Captain looked puzzled. "The King has a bounty on your head beast, which I intend to collect." Yorah drew a long cardboard tube from somewhere, brandishing it as a sword. "HAVE AT THEE!" He roared as he dived across the table at the Admiral. Cheers of laughter went up from the lower ranks that were present in the mess. The sight of a naked man wrestling with his genitals painted purple with a full Admiral, seemed to entertain the lower ranks to no end.
The rolled on the floor for a while before Yorah just stopped. Let go of the now purple stained Admiral and proceeded to try and climb into his metal helmet, moaning softly.
 
Gomez flicked off the Vid-pad and put it down. There was a few minutes of silence before Yorah spoke up. "I take it that is why I am in shackles?" Yorah asked
"Yeah."
"You know what Gomez."
"What."
"I really hate you man."
"...I know."
There was a few more moments of silence.
All of a sudden there was a great crash, it flung Gomez out of his seat and Yorah flew of his bed, Arse-tube releasing painfully, only to be dragged back down by his manacles. "What the Smeg was that?" Yorah yelled. The answer came quick. Over the telecom the Captain's face appeared.
"Set condition one throughout the ship, we are under attack from a Krylon baseship, everyone to their posts." The Captain announced. Yorah and Gomez looked at each other before undoing Yorah's manacles and racing down the corridor towards the flight deck, with Yorah running as best he could not far behind clutching his bum.