Seymour Negotiates

OOC – Seymour wouldn't normally use the word "dunny" as it's
Australian slang but I'll let it slide this time!
Who: Andy Roos, Seymour Niples, Efof Yuwan'Kar and Ingen Karpov
Where:
<snip>
This is Seymour Niples- Ambassador to the Queen and this is… ah…"
"He's Andy, the dunny-jockey." Seymour stated impatiently.
Ingen lowered his rifle and rubbed his eyes in frustration. Andy let
out a deep sigh before saying. "Yeah; you and me both mate."
<end snip>
Seymour was annoyed by many things that happened recently. He was
annoyed that he had been transported to an alien planet against his
will (as he has been really looking forward to reading the last
chapter of 'Pride and Prejudice' tonight), he was annoyed that Efof
had just hugged him (and he suspected the Ffionian hadn't had a shower
for a fortnight, although he did smell like soup) he was annoyed that
he had almost been blended, but he was most annoyed that his current
saviour was nothing more than a toilet cleaner.
Seymour hated cleaners. Actually he was so snobbish that he hated
anyone in the service industry, but especially cleaners. He realised
he was standing too close to Andy, and he made a visual display of
smelling something nasty and took a deliberate sidestep away from him.
"So what is actually going on?" Seymour asked, unsure why he was being
kept away from his precious reading time, although silently grateful
to be away from looking after the child he'd been lumbered with.
"These slug things right, they want to eat people." Said Efof.
"They've got some plan to turn that planet you're from... whassit
called..." he clicked his fingers for a moment recalling it's name.
"Earth, right, into a really big all-you-can-eat buffet."
"And the blenders?"
"Dunno, probably some quick snack. Although I think I'd prefer nuts...
or frazzles... ooh or smarties..." Efof waffled. "Or... Banoffee
Ice-Cream!" He licked his lips in distraction.
The rest of the party moved on as Efof stood recalling his favourite
sweets.
"I find this highly insulting." Said Seymour. "That a prestigious
Royal Ambassador such as I would be added into the same ingredients as
the rest of the commoners on the ship. I expected to be singled out
and eaten as a delicacy. Perhaps in-between courses, or as a dessert?"
Ingen ducked under a waist-height wall parallel to the main square and
beckoned the team to sit alongside him, he peeked over expertly. "We
should rescue the rest of your crew, it looks like some of them are
doing a good job of rescuing themselves, but there are others that
need help." Another blender went off not far from them and the
surrounding group of Mollopods cheered sickeningly.
"Wait wait wait, what do you expect us to do?" Seymour said,
aggravated that Ingen was asserting himself as leader in their small
group. "We don't have guns."
"Can you fight?" he asked.
"No. Well... that's not the point. I'm a Royal Ambassador. I'm
supposed to negotiate."
Ingen pushed him out towards the enemy.
"Wait wait! No. I can't negotiate with these blockheads, all they want
to do is eat us!"
But it was too late, Seymour had now attracted the attention of some
guards, who started to squirm their way over, barking threatening
insults at him.
Seymour looked around, it was too late to run and hide now they had
seen him. He pulled his best negotiation stance and clasped his hands
together in front of his chest.
"Gentlemen. Greetings." Seymour said cheerfully. "I was hoping you
could help me, I represent a powerful monarch of the planet you intent
to invade, I was wondering if we could negotiate terms..."
The slugs looked at the well dressed man quizzically.
"...I mean attempting to devour the entire human population is
something that would make you extremely unpopular, but perhaps if you
only ate a small proportion, for example... Bulgaria, then we probably
won't mind?"
The large slugs rubbed their multiple chins.
"Or what if we set up a regular trade, where we feed you certain
members of our society, for example the people on the dole who don't
contribute anything, or people who work in call centres... - HEY WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?!!"
The closest slug had moved lightningly quickly and put Seymour's
entire arm in it's mouth. But before he had chance to bite down and
chomp the arm off, Ingen popped up from behind the wall and shot the
fat beast between the eyes. It dropped dead like a sack of rotten
potatoes, leaving saliva all over Seymour's arm.
Seymour cringed, with great big blobs of glistening moisture all over
his suit. "This was fresh on this morning!" he whinged.
The second Mollopod ignored Seymour and started firing rounds towards
the wall where the shot had come from. Shards flew off the wall, then
Efof stood up and lobbed a stone towards the enemy. Seymour ducked as
it almost hit him instead of the intended target.
Seymour stood there awkwardly as the slug next to him carried on
shooting. He realised this was a time for fighting. He clenched his
fist and slammed it into the slug. Seymour was years out of practice
in hand-to-hand combat, so the punch probably wouldn't even have hurt
a child let alone a bulky alien slug. His fist sunk into the large
creature's soft skin and he pulled it out quickly, with slime attached.
The creature stopped shooting and looked at him. Seymour realised he
should stick to his normal method of diplomacy and leave the fighting
to people who were good at it.
"That is... our way of saying hello." He made up, and ducked as the
slug shot at him. He cartwheeled and his hands fell on the small rock
that Efof had thrown. He picked it up and ran at the creature just as
it had turned it's attention back to Ingen, Seymour hit the slug on
the head, causing it to be momentarily dazed long enough for Ingen to
pop up out of cover and shoot the thing twice in the gut.
The creature erupted like a large boil and sprayed inner juices all
over Seymour, turning his suit to a nasty pink colour.
He stood there gasping, spitting the foul tasting juices from his
lips. "Why didn't you shoot him once?! Once would be enough!"
They travelled around the perimeter of the main square, watching as
the Blue Midget landed. Despite there being a wall of slugs between
the craft and themselves, Seymour could see when the hatch opened up
that there was a Skutter inside awkwardly clutching a small baby.
"My baby! They brought my baby!" Seymour shouted.
"Do you want me to go rescue it?" Ingen said heroically.
"Are you serious? I want to get as far away from it as possible!"
As they watched Mk10 and some miscellaneous skutters fight back the
crowd of slugs, it was Andy that spotted it first. He pointed to two
rather athletic slugs who had climbed their way up the front of the
Blue Midget and over the top towards the access hatch. The skutter
inside seemed to be unaware. Seymour watched in horror.
"Are you sure you don't want me to rescue your baby?" Ingen asked.
"Of course I do you great oaf!" Seymour snapped, unaware that his
snappy mood was not helping Ingen want to risk his life.
"Follow me." said Ingen, running in using his Winchester as a club,
then turning it around to shoot a slug's brains out.
<tag anyone!>