Efof + Ingen "Master Plan"

Who: Efof and Ingen Karpov
Where: The Mollopod mothership
When: Just after finding the cookbook
<snip>
Efof seemed almost afraid to ask, but after a few seconds of just
gaping his jaw like a fish he managed to force the simple words out:
"Wh-what did you find...?"
Ingen lifted the book to show Efof the cover. "A cookbook," he said
grimly.
<end snip>
Efof flicked through the book. "Hmm, some of these recipes don't half
sound bad! I even fancy the look of this korma."
Ingen snatched it back. "It's alright for you, you're not human! They
might eat me!"
"Oh believe me, they've already tried to eat me!" said Efof,
remembering the big pot.
"I wonder then who they're rather eat – me or you?" said Ingen. Efof
worried if his new ally was hinting at trading him in for his freedom.
Efof put both palms up. "Don't even think about it, I doubt they're
fussy. They'd probably just have a mixed grill."
A squelshing sound from nearby caused them to scarper and hide through
a round door off the side of the kitchen. The corridor they were in
lead to a series of offices, they ducked under the glass window of one
inhabited office and hid in the first one they found empty. Despite
the rest of the ship looking slimy and pretty gross, this place looked
reasonably shiny. It had brushed chrome walls and a large wooden desk
with a computer on top. Efof accessed the computer whilst Ingen stood
guard with his precious Winchester.
Accessing a computer in an unknown spaceship occupied by unknown
aliens who use an unknown language would normally be a waste of time,
but luckily this computer was created by a well-known galactic
supplier, and was similar to the games machine Efof had in his bedroom.
"What are you looking for?" whispered Ingen, not wanting to attract
attention.
"Dunno... thought it seemed like a good idea. Maybe a map of how we
get out of here? I reckon they should have google maps for spaceships,
that would be really handy. Don't you think it would be handy?"
"I think we shouldn't be here!" said Ingen.
"Oh... I found something.... oh...eeeew. Slug porn!"
Ingen sighed.
"Oh. I found something." Said Efof. "It's more recipes... a LOT more
recipes. It looks like these guys love their food, but unfortunately
they've almost eaten ALL food on their planet. So they're looking for
other things to eat."
"Like humans obviously." said Ingen dryly.
"Yep. And they want to farm them from the source." Efof spun the
computer screen around, showing a blue and green planet.
"Earth? They want to turn ALL the people from Earth into food?"
"By the looks of this word document that's open they have all the meat
factories ready. But... they don't know where Earth is."
"Then where did they get the picture?"
"Dunno... travel agents? I think you can buy the coordinates of
planets, but it looks like they're too stingy to pay for it."
"Good job." said Ingen.
Ingen's minor lack of concentration meant a slug guard had got closer
to them than he's have liked. He cursed himself as he was normally
100% more careful. He whispered to Efof. "We've got company."
Luckily the office had a back exit, which Efof went through. Ingen
fired a shot which hit the slug straight between the eyes. He drooped
like a sack of slime and bled gunge all over the floor. For and old
gun, his Winchester was powerful and deadly.
He followed Efof through the door and they found themselves in a
sterile looking place with porcelain hand basins lining one wall and
cubicles on the other.
"I think this is the dunny." Ingen said.
A cubicle door opened to the backdrop of a flushing sound, and a
startled slug stood there looking at the two intruders. They stared
back, unsure what to do. Ingen quickly pushed him back in and shut the
cubicle door. He held it so the slug couldn't escape.
"What do we do?!" asked Efof quickly. The sound of squelshing came
from the door they just came from. They were trapped.
Efof looked around, pushing other cubicle doors in. "Have you seen the
size of their toilets? They're massive!" he said, almost in awe. "But
I suppose they do have massive arses. I guess they're a bad aim?"
"How big are the toilets?" said Ingen. But his tone sounded less like
a question and more like a plan.
Efof was normally slow at realising things, but at this moment he
looked between Ingen and the huge toilet and instantly put things
together. "No way. Noooooo way."
Ingen quickly let go of the door, allowing the slug to open the
cubicle door. He tried to catch them but they had ducked into the next
cubicle. The slug watched them as they dived into the swimming pool
sized toilet and pulled the chain. They were both flushed down the pipes.
<tag Ingen!>