what did Phil do on his shore leave?

Location : Sports Bar. London, Earth
Time : Quarter past 12.(thats 12:15 people)
 
Phil was back on Earth for the first time in,oooooh, many years. He was feeling a bit depressed since he found out that Tara had been seen having dinner with White Wolf. He had been told by Saddam before he left the station that she was related to some guy who sounded like a lavatory cleaner(Rimmer), but that didn't bother him. So he decided to go to the sports bar, as it was one of the few places that Phil could get drunk in(Last time he was Earth the place was closed to have the mods put in)
 
A very strange noise erupted from behind him .Phil turned around to see what can only be called a human-gelf crossbread(it wasn't but that's what he looked like - He was pig ugly.
 
"Youse in my chair deadiie."
 
"Pardon?"
 
"I said youse is in my seat you ghost."
 
"No you cretin it's  "You are in my chair." not "Youse in my chair" you twit!"
 
Oh no. here we go again.
 
With that Phil picked up the thing that was nearest to hand and swung it at the sub-human thing, just as someelse walked in the door.
 
(See no questions this time)