**Action**

Posted by myself on Onion's behalf
Who: Ambassador Seymour Niples and Jay Chrysler
Where: The Ffionian President's palace
When: The next morning
Seymour paced up and down. They were stood on the steps outside the
Ffionian
President's grand palace waiting for the rest of the crew to turn up
before
meeting the president.
"Don't worry Seymour it'll be fine." Jay said. "The president will
love us,
we've already helped the Ffionians out loads by destroying that
spacestation
for them."
"That's not what I'm worried about. I've got to represent you lot, this
krass bunch of lowlifes and hippies on the Blue Dwarf. Who are going to be
late, and what's the chance any of them are wearing a shirt."
Jay calmed him down. "Don't worry, it's only the President."
"Only the President! A potential political ally, this is a first-contact
situation! It all rests on me, and I'm stupidly bringing the entire crew
along! What if someone sneezes in an offensive way? They might declare war
on us!"
Jay sighed. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Besides, what can they
declare war
with? They don't have any decent battleships. That's why they wanted US to
fight their battles for them!"
After a moment of calm, Jay looked to the distance. "Here they come now.
Starting with Efof and Fferna."
"Is he wearing a shirt? He better be wearing a shirt!"
"No he's wearing a tshirt and ripped jeans…"
"This negotiation is DOOMED!" Seymour whimpered.
--------------------------------------------
**20 minutes later**
The rest of the away team turned up and the Blue Dwarf crew were let into
the President's grand palace. Everything looked grandeur and posh, large
marble statues, huge heavy wall paintings… Seymour begged everyone not to
touch anything.
Seymour introduced himself to the Ffionian President.
"It's nice to meet you Up'Yoors U'toss-ah." Seymour said. There was
sniggering at the back. Chris Harris was trying not to wet himself.
The President was a very serious looking man. He had long white hair and a
distinct beard. He was the kind of man who probably couldn't crack a smile
if you physically remoulded his face.
"We would like to thank you and your people for the kindness and
hospitality
they have shown us so far." Said Seymour. Things seemed to be going
well so
far.
CRASH.
"Sorry." Said Efof picking up pieces of a broken vase.
The President closed his eyes in frustration. "That was a one of a
kind. It
also contained the ashes of my grandfather."
"Achoo!" Amber couldn't stop herself sneezing.
Seymour fidgeted nervously. "Like I said… I… um… look forward to long and
fruitful trade negotiations between our planets…"
The alien President's face was now even sterner than before he looked past
the annoying humans to one of his own race. "Fferna Vah' Jynar why did you
bring these people here?"
"They can help us Mr President. They are kind spirited and have already
proved they are willing to help defend us from our enemies."
The President thought about this. "Very well. Maybe they can help us
further."
He showed them a map. "The Halkons still threaten our borders. So we must
destroy their strongholds. Now we have destroyed their `gatehouse' we can
move further into their territory and destroy their military bases, to
stop
them from attacking us anymore!"
Jay nodded. He had checked with Captain Calvert earlier, who had approved
all further military action. But by the sounds of it Calvert had such
a bad
hangover that he would probably have approved the mass slaughter of seven
thousand cute bunnies if it meant Jay would stop talking to him.
"I need you to take a ship down this treacherous area of space… it is a
narrow passageway surrounded by dangerous radioactive gasses. There is
only
room for one ship at a time. We call it the `Rectal Corridor'."
Seymour hung his head, everyone else tried desperately not to laugh.
"Your target is the `Halkon Colon' it is a big space station at the end of
the corridor. But there will be huge resistance. That is why we need
to draw
their attention by attacking something else at the same time."
He pointed to another spot on the map. "This is the Urethra turret."
Seymour hung his head again and he saw Chris Harris bite his lip and tears
stream down his face.
"It is a large automated turret that we will be attacking." Our main
warship
will attack this, with as many Space Eagle fighters as you can provide.
----------------------------------------------
***Several hours later***
They had decided to split the Blue Dwarf crew up for this operation. The
Ffionians provided several ships and crew, but didn't have the command
experience to Captain them.
Jay had been made captain of the lead ship, off to fight the Urethra
turret.
There would no doubt be a wave of Halkon ships trying to engage them so he
took a full compliment of Space Eagles and fighter pilots.
The Ffionians were definitely an odd culture. Some races split their
people
up into tribes or by status. Workers, warriors, priests etc. The Ffionians
seemed to split their people up by neuroses. Which is why Jay's ship was
made up half of hypochondriac clowns.
Dr Keto had been put in command of a Ffionian medical ship that followed
behind, unfortunately manned by 47 people dressed like Batman.
Getting the best deal out of them all, Mk9 had been chosen as the best
candidate to Captain a ship manned totally by 20 year old female
nymphomaniacs.
The Blue Dwarf was left behind as backup, manned only by a skeleton crew.
--------------------------------
**Jay's ship**
"How long until the target destination?" Asked Captain Jay Chrysler,
commanding the largest Ffionian battleship.
"About a week." Whispered a clown that thought talking too loud gave you
throat cancer. "The proximity of the radioactive gas plays havoc on the
engines."
"A week?" Jay exclaimed. He then sank his shoulders into his captain's
chair. He was going to have to get used to this bizarre crew.
----------------------------------
**Mk9's ship**
Mk9 looked in awe around his ship. He definitely got the best deal. His
mission was to go down the Rectal Corridor and blow up the Colon while jay
had the Halkons distracted.
The only reason why Mk9 didn't like the thought of it being a week
long trip
was that he really wished it was two.
-----------------------------------
**Keto's ship**
Keto's ship was a glorified ambulance. It was there to supply any damaged
ship with medical assistance. He looked around and shook his head.
"Why do I have to get the geeks in fancy dress?"
< OOC – For everyone else not mentioned, the ship you are on is totally up
to you. I'm trying to put the emphasis on the journey, not the target
so we
can have a little fun on the voyage! >