Re: Jed + Eddie \"Sloppy second chances\" pt2

<snip>
Jed rang the flight-deck to prepare a Starbug and within an hour they
were hurtling towards the Pluto express, which was just leaving the
solar system on its long voyage, the onboard computer unaware that it
was about to get seriously raped by a drunk cowboy and ex-priest.
<End snip>
Who: Captain Jed Calvert & Eddie Monsoon
Where: Starbug
When: as the space battle is going on
The Blue Dwarf's gun slinging Captain didn't know that his ship had
just joined a battle. He had turned the Starbug's radio off and was
running silent.
They approached the Pluto Express slowly and carefully. But that was
only because Eddie was more sober than usual, normally either of them
would have rushed in with all guns blazing.
But Eddie was worried about screwing up this time. The last time he
had sent Jed to prison, which he didn't really care about – but now
Jed was in command of a large starship and had a lot more thugs (or
Security as they were more affectionally known) at his disposal.
"Are we there yet pardner?" Jed slurred, slumped over a chair. His
hand went limp and a large bottle of whiskey fell to the floor. He
really didn't look like he was just about to go on a dangerous
smuggling mission.
"The automated security system is scanning us, I'm blocking them."
Said Eddie, feeling the most sober he had been in years.
The train stretched out for miles, it seemed longer than the Blue
Dwarf, but mainly because it was much thinner. It was cargo pod after
cargo pod after cargo pod all chained together in one long line. Eddie
pulled the Starbug alongside a wagon in the middle of the train, and
clamped them to the side. The Starbug started spinning in time with
the carriage.
"We're here." Almost before Eddie had finished saying it, Jed jumped
up swiftly with a wide grin on his weathered face, a stark contrast to
the dozy drunk he was mere moments ago.
"It's time to go a-plunderin' yee-haaaw!" He shot his twin pistols
into the air.
Half an hour later after they had finished plugging the holes Jed had
made in the Starbug, Jed rolled from a ceiling entrance hatch and
landed in his feet inside a long thin cargo container.
He was in a dark corridor, barely tall enough for his lanky body to
stand up straight. He pointed his twin pistols one way, then the next.
Satisfied there was no-one about, he stuck a fat cigar in his mouth
and strolled around the place confidently like he owned the place.
Eddie unfortunately was the getaway driver, so had to stay in the
Starbug. He sighed, and contacted Jed via radio.
"Mate? Everything alright?"
"Everythun's hunky dory pardner!" Jed said confidently. "It's like a
goldmine in here, we could make a gorram fortune selling some of this
hyar junk!"
"Remember the idol!" Eddie said, looking nervously at the scanner.
"It's what we came for!"
"I know, I know! What's yer goddam hurry? Check the scanner and tell
me whut you see."
"Nothing mate. Nobody. You're the only person on the entire train."
"Then that's goddam good pardner, stop worrying!"
Jed rounded several corners, kicking boxes around. There were small
separate compartments leading off the main corridor, all filled with
some kind of cargo.
After several minutes there was a crackling on the radio and the voice
of Eddie Monsoon came through.
"Jed mate, I think we brought the hallucination virus with us. I'm
being attacked by some fat purple monster with one eye trying to spray
me with cleaning fluid saying his name is Barry Scott."
Jed chuckled. "Yeah pardner I've been seeing some strange things down
hyar."
"Really? What are you doing about it?"
"Ah'm just shooting the critters." Said Jed.
"Oh."
There was a pause and some fumbling and then a panicked Eddoe came
back on the radio. "Mate, I'm joining you. This guy's got a small
metal cocktail umbrella and he's rather enthusiastic about putting it
somewhere."
A few minutes later, Eddie collapsed in a pile having fallen through
the ceiling hatch into the Pluto Express.
Back in the empty cockpit of the Starbug, the scanner went from
showing one person on the Pluto Express to two, and then after a
starship proximity alert was tripped, suddenly forty more life signs
appeared on the Pluto Express.
<Tag Grant!>
--- In JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.com, "Onion" <theonion770@...> wrote:
>
> Who: Jed Calvert and Eddie Monsoon
> Where: Some filthy saloon at the far end of the Promenade
> When: Just after last post
>
> Jed stared at Eddie across a poker table stained with several types of
> liquor, and several types of bodily fluid.
>
> "So what's the deal mate?" asked Eddie. "Got another job?"
> Jed raised an eyebrow. "We doesn't offen git second chances in life
> pardner." He said and then paused, only to wait until Eddie was about
> to speak and spoke again.
> "Thar's an interstellar express train thet transports things from
> Earth t'Alfy Centauri ev'ry 4 months." Jed explained. "A big bastard
> convoy of freighters that're fully computerised."
>
> Eddie rolled his eyes. "The Pluto Express. Yeah yeah mate, everyone's
> heard of it. Why are you telling me this? The train doesn't ever
> transport anything worth stealing so most people ignore it."
>
> Jed pointed a finger. "Yeah, but ah got a contact who got me this hyar
> photo."
>
> Jed slid a photo across a desk. It showed someone loading a glass box
> onto the space train. Eddie recognised what was in the glass box.
> "Is that…"
> "The hyar Idol of Chantico!" Jed said, almost leaping across the
> table. "We could be rich!"
>
> Eddie's mind went back to years ago when they had almost stolen the
> expensive idol. Jed had spent a long time in prison for getting caught.
>
> Jed caught his eye. "But eff'n yo' git me sent t'prison again I'll
> come an' ride yer hide out of an airlock!"
>
> Eddie nodded. "Yeah that sounds fair enough!"
>
> Jed rang the flight-deck to prepare a Starbug and within an hour they
> were hurtling towards the Pluto express, which was just leaving the
> solar system on its long voyage, the onboard computer unaware that it
> was about to get seriously raped by a drunk cowboy and ex-priest.
>
>
> <Tag Grant!>
>