Seymour +Harris - "How to Hijack a Royal ship"

< OOC- This is a JP between myself and Chris Harris! >
Who: Ambassador Seymour Niples
Where: Mars Station
When: After Seymour distracted the guards around the Queen's ship
<snip>
Seymour smiles smugly to himself. "That should get them all running!"
and sure it did, he looked again and all the guards were leaving their
posts from protecting the Queen's ship and running to the nearest
elevator.
Seymour rubbed his hands together. "All that's left is for me to-"
"FREEZE!"
The Ambassador stopped dead in his tracks. Someone was behind him, and
they were poking him in the back with some kind of gun.
"Don't hurt me I'm a Royal Ambassador!" he pleaded.
<end snip>
"Well well well Seymour, what're you doing here?" said Chris with a
smug grin as he jabbed the back of the next with a large rifle.
Seymour turned around. "Mr Harris... you surprised me!" Seymour said,
relieved it was someone he knew.
However Harris didnt take the gun down as he expected, he held it
firmly at Seymour as if still expecting an answer.
"Oh... I ... urm... well its a funny story really.... "
Seymour realized it was hopeless and decided to come clean. "Keto is
blackmailing me, he wants me to steal the Queen's ship for him."
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Seymour" said Chris in response to
Seymour's muttering.
"Why?" said Seymour, almost pleading him.
"Because I am stealing the Queen's ship" added Chris and without
further ado promptly shot off in the direction of the ship, leaving
Seymour standing there.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Seymour" said Chris in response to
Seymour's muttering.
"Why?" said Seymour, almost pleading him.
Chris raised an eyebrow. He thought for a moment and then lowered his
gun.
"Alright, i'll help you if you like."
A small part fo Seymour's brain thought that this was a little bit too
easy. But this plan so far was far too hard for him alone, so he
gladly accepted Harris' help. Although he should have been more
quizzical as to why Harris was helping him.
Following this, Chris and Seymour creeped quietly up to where large
pile of boxes were being loaded into the cargo hold of the Queen's ship.
"Right" said Chris. "What we do is we both hide in one of these boxes
and they'll load us on board as cargo, with me?"
"Jolly good plan!" said Seymour in agreement. "But… Here's a better
idea, why don't we put on fake moustaches and long overcoats on and
make it even MORE cliche?"
"You like your child producing abilities?"
"It's not like I ever use them.... I mean yes" said Seymour.
"Go with my plan then" said Chris as he helped bundle Seymour into a
box before quietly containing himself in one of his own.
Seymour looked around in the darkened box he was in. "Coffee?" he said
in disgust. "The Queen of England shouldn't be drinking anything
except Earl grey!" he flung some of it out of his box and it clattered
to the floor.
In the nearby box, Harris heard the noise and made an angry "Shhhh!"
sound.
Unfortunately it had also caught the attention of one of the cargo
workers who was putting the boxes on the ship. He called over some
guards, who started to prod the boxes.
They found Chris first, yet fortunately for him, he was positioned in
just the right place, or so he thought... They began to lift the lid
off the box as he sprung up and exclaimed "Five of you, One of Me, I
make that Pimms O'clock!" holding a bottle of pimms in his hand.
Seymour shook his head as Chris said this and immediately sprung out
of his box in what can only be described as a retarded sexual position
that was meant to look threatening, although all it did was to make
him look stupid as he was covered in coffee, apart from two large
patches around his eyes, making him look like a racist panda.
He spat dry coffee at the closest guard, which blinded him momentarily
long enough for Chris to leap out of the box and smash the bottle of
Pimms over his head, then knee him in the stomach, making the guard
drop to the floor.
"Extremely sorry about this dear fellows… " Said Seymour, feeling bad
that these were only innocent guards working for Queen and country.
"Seymour look out!" Harris said, as another guard snook up on Seymour.
Harris slid along the ground, kicking the guard's legs out from
underneath him. As Chris wrested with him on the floor, Seymour stood
around feeling useless.
He never was any good at fighting, despite that time when he had taken
a pot shot at General Anders, but that had been because he had gotten
him angry. At the moment Seymour felt nothing but apologetic to the
guards on the floor.
The first guard tried to get back up again. Seymour kicked him in the
shin and he fell back down again.
Chris gave up trying to protect Seymour as he ran and hid behind a box
leaving him with the three biggest guards left to deal with.
"You guys like pimms?" he asked the guards as they closed in around
him. "Seymour now!" he muttered, gesturing towards the crate. Seymour
got the gist, immediately lifting two unopened bottles from the crate
and throwing them at the guards.
Unfortunately, due to the immensely irritating fact that Seymour
throws like a girl, the bottles flew a few feet and then stopped for a
brief moment before they hit the floor, it was however, enough to draw
the attention of the guards. Seizing his chance, Chris hit one round
the back of the head with the barrel of his gun, and dropped another
with a downward kick to the crotch, leaving only one, who was now
advancing on Seymour.
Seymour looked left, then right, and realised there was nowhere left
to go.
The guard was large, in a former life he looked like he used to be a
football hooligan, now he was a dedicated bodyguard for the Queen, he
even had tattto's of the Royal crest on his burly muscled arms.
In a flash, a thought came to the Royal Ambassador. He quickly reached
for his mobile and set it to play the test ringtone. It was a tinny
and untuneful recording of the British national anthem. He started
singing along to the words.
"God save our graaaacious Queen…" he sang desperately.
The guard stopped in his tracks and put his hand on his chest. "Long
live our noble Queen!"
"God save the Queen!" continued Seymour, noticing Chris sneaking up
behind the burly guard.
"Send her victorious, Happy and – OOGH!" said the guard as Chris
Harris stuffed a Pimms bottleneck down his throat.
He thrashed around for a few seconds before falling on a crate,
hitting his head on the way down and knocking himself unconscious.
Seymour came out from behind the crates, rubbing his hands together.
"Oh yes… well I think I handled that situation very well. Thanks for
all your help Mr Harris!"
"All my help? I did most of the smegging work. Though, I do wish we
had a video camera, we could've posted the video all over the internet
entitled '101 uses for pimms in a rough situation'" he said with a
small chuckle at the thought. He then looked Seymour up and down. "Get
cleaned up, dude" he said, pointing to the wall of the ship that was
coated in a reflective material that allowed Seymour to see himself.
"Oh no! My lovely shirt is dirty!"
Harris rolled his eyes. He heard the sound of footsteps approaching.
"Actually no time, lets get on this ship!"
They proceeded down the transparent gangway that lead away from the
station and into open space. It felt strange to look out of the
transparent tube they were in to see empty space outside.
They walked to where the ship was parked. Through the tunnel they
could only see the small part of it that was attached to the gangway,
but through the transparent walls they could see the shape of the huge
majestic craft.
Harris pulled Seymour down behind some boxes.
"There's two more guards at the entrance." Seymour peered out, these
were the Queen's personal guard, he recognized the red coat and
impractical black fuzzy things on their heads from miles away.
Seymour opened the box that they were hiding behind. "This box is full
of antique clothes, they must have been in the Royal family for
generations!"
Chris shook his head before Seymour thought it.
"I have an idea!" Seymour said.
Chris hung his head in shame. "I knew it." He said.
Chris and Seymour quickly donned their white coats and moustaches
before heading to the bridge, somehow managing to conceal the fact
that Seymour was carrying Chris' rifle underneath his white coat and
that Chris was wearing his GunBlade which he had neglected to use in
the fight with the guards.
"Ok, here's the plan, if the Queen's there, we're selling carpets. If
she's not, we take everybody hostage and steal the ship" said Chris
calmly, as if what they were doing was perfectly ordinary.
Seymour nodded and they approached the guards, wearing an eclectic mix
of royal dress from throughout the century.
As they approached the door to the ship, the two Royal Guards pointed
their bayoneted laser rifles at them.
"No need to fear dear fellows!" Said Seymour, putting on his finest
posh accent and twiddling his fake moustache. "We are here selling
finest quality carpets."
He paused, and the guards looked at each other. "So?"
Seymour thought for a moment and realized the floor in their plan
"Erm… well… you should let us in so we can speak with the Queen."
"The Queen isn't onboard right now, and we're DEFINITELY not letting
you in."
Seymour looked at Chris, and Chris looked back.
"RUN!" They yelled together and they ran past the guards, into the
ship and managed to close and lock the doors quickly behind them.
"That was a rubbish plan!" Said Seymour.
"So was dressing up in these ridiculous clothes!" Said Chris.
"Actually I think mine rather suits me, I look quite dashing!" he
stopped to admire himself in a mirror.
Chris reached over and pulled Seymour's fake moustache off, making him
cry out in pain.
"Why the pain, Seymour?" said Chris, "You shouldn't have facial hair
because you damned sure haven't started puberty yet!" he added with a
snicker.
He quickly donned a more serious tone. "Right, we should make for the
bridge" said Chris, "I've seen the blueprints of this ship enough
times, it's that way" he finished, gesturing to the left.
Seymour followed, keeping a look-out for more guards. A thought struck
him, when had Chris had time to study the blueprints? Seymour had only
asked him to help about half an hour ago.
He followed Harris all the way to the bridge. It was surprisingly
empty. This ship was so far proving very easy to steal. There weren't
even any steering locks on the controls.
Harris messed with the controls. He pressed a few buttons and turned
around. "I've locked all of the doors, we should be safe here for now."
"Lets get out of here!" Said Seymour, then with excitement in his
voice he added. "Oh this is jolly exhilarating, I feel like a space
pirate!"
Chris used his piloting knowledge and sealed off all the dockign ports
and prepared the ship for interstellar flight. he pulled the large
cruiser away from the space station.
They were free, they had both succeded in their task.
They headed towards the moon of Charon..... followed by several small
Police ships with their sirens blaring.
< To be continued!>