Re: One Hell of a flying lesson.

Who: Jack Phantom
Where: The security office
When: Just after a rather daring space battle
<Snip>
"Bonjour ami. Désolé à ce sujet." A thick accent came over the
crackling radio.
He didn't understand French, so hooked up the computer to the radio
and turned on the translator. 'Babelfish v5.1' scrolled across the
screen and a painfully British voice said.
"Hello friends. Sorry about that."
"Why attack us?" He asked them.
"We were a welcome party."
"Hmm. Some welcome.
"We apologise, a new crewman pressed the wrong button and the entire
ship malfunctioned."
"Well we're both stuck here until someone rescues us." Phantom
sighed.
And so many very long games of chess, noughts and crosses and other
mind numbing games were played to alleviate the boredom
<Endsnip>
"...out for the count. Jack? Jack?" Came a fuzzy but insistant
voice from nowhere. This was mildly annoying as Jack was about to
checkmate the French captain for the fiftieth time and it was
putting him off.
"Phantom, will you pull yourself together and snap out of it!" The
voice was more insistant this time and accompanied by a feeling of
being shaken.
"Oh. Just hit him somebody." Jack didn't like the sound of that,
these voices were becoming rather too physical for his liking and he
rather-WHAM!
Chris Harris caught Jack across the side of his drunken face with
a well aimed backhander and sent him sprawling from his chair. Jack
looked up and around in a confused heap ont the floor at his
superior and a few security staff, putting a hand to his stinging
cheek.
"Phantom, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Shouted his
commanding officer.
"Well I thought I was beating the captain of a French
battlecruiser at chess actually." He said thoughtfully. Chris almost
struck him again.
"What? Is that humour where you come from or what? You're wasted
lad, and on duty as well." He lifted the empty bottle of Glenfiddich
and waved it in front of Jack. It blurred from left to right in
front of him.
"I don't think so sir." Drunken pause before realisation rammed
home. "So I havn't just been flying a space eagle and I didn't take
on a large warship and win and there's no such place as New Earth
then?" Heads were shaken. "Ah, I did wonder why I was so lucky. And
I don't recall being that good at chess come to think of it. Just,
must have been a really vivd dream. It was late, I thought a little
drinkies every now and then couldn't hurt."
"But Jack. This is more than a 'little drinkies' isn't it?" Harris
waved the bottle once more, a small drop of brown liquid gleamed as
it rolled around the bottom.
"Well. There were lots and lots of nows and thens. It's been a
long night." Someone helped him up, his vision sloshed
disconcertingly. "And those!" He bawled at the packet of Jaffa Cakes
on his desk and remembered something more, "I was eating them and
suddenly they started talking to me and challenging me to drinking
games. Either we have sentient biscuits or someone's put something
funny in them." Harris picked them up and inspected the packet.
"These are three years out of date. You do realise that don't you?
Maybe the time has done something to them." He said to Phantom.
"Maybe." Said Jack slowly. "Cheeky little scamps they are." He
giggled and passed out.
"Oh, for God's sake. Take over here would you?" Chris gestured to
one of the staff, who snapped a neat salute and started organising
the spilled paper and going through the business of the day. "And
you, help me take this idiot down to the medibay. Someone needs a
stomach pump, some reprimanding and a bit of time off I think." The
other man, who had neatly caught Jack as he staggered and fell,
hoisted him up and with Chris and dragged him towards the medibay.
Right, that's a nice neat get out clause. Sorry to all involved A) I
need to get my damned facts right! B) I should have checked with
Grant, PLUS I should have noted he didn't put a TAG at the bottom,
but I missed it. He's cool with me making this all a dream and for
everyone out there, Pete, Nikolai Jay and the others are back where
they were before I got involved okie dokie?
Jack is getting a telling off on my behalf! I'll keep my eye on him
more closely next time so he doesn't get into any more mischeif.