Efof + Captain Jed - "Riding Robots"

Who: Efof Yuwan'Kar and Drive room crew
Where: Blue Dwarf, Drive room
When: Just after the Titus' goons were `dissolved' by Keto's
ointment
Efof trudged into the Drive room with his hands in the
pockets of his large comedy shorts. The first thing he noticed when starting
his shift, was that nobody was actually working, the entire Drive Room crew
were stood by the Captain's office door trying to listen through it.
"Hey guys, what's going on?" he asked.
They hushed him and explained. "The Captain was delivered a
large parcel. We want to know what's in it, we don't think he got it by legal
means either – there seems to be some sort of illegal trading going on."
Efof blinked. Matters like that didn't phase him. In fact he
wasn't entirely sure what they meant, so out of sheer ignorance assumed they
were nothing to worry about an ignored them.
"So what do you think's on the box?" He asked. Trying to get
closer to the door to listen.
"Well there's been some strange theories…" one person told
him. "One is that it's his frozen dead mother…. Or some say that it might be a
Russian bride on mail order… but there are some that say that because of Jed's
slightly kinky nature that it's a specially designed authentic-looking robot
busty prostitute like the ones from westerns!"
"No? Really?!" Efof said in disbelief. "Captain Jed's not
THAT strange!"
Everyone else shrugged. "How well do we really know him
though? He's not been here long, and has anyone really talked to him? That
man's a bit odd, I mean have you seen his living quarters? They're empty apart
from a cowskin tepee in the middle of the room."
Efof made a "hmmm" sound and listened closer. "So a robot
busy western prostitute you say?"
A loud "yee-haw" sound came from the room and everyone
suddenly shocked and disgusted.
Efof took a step back, imagining Jed inside the room
ravishing some robot and had the sudden urge to be sick. Unfortunately though
he tripped over someone and fell forward, pushing Jed's office door open.
Everyone that had been listening through his door fell into the room.
The crate was open and empty. Efof looked up to see Jed
indeed riding a robot. But it was a robot cow, attached by a series of pistons
to a firm base. It was spinning him around and trying to throw him off.
"Yee-haw!" he said again, and then "Howdy folk!" as he clung
on to the bucking bronco. "Like my new toy? This is gottarn fast, but just like
my good ol' cattle driving days back on New Texas!"
He jumped off the robot bronco with a sort of rugged grace
and let the excited Efof clamber on.
"Cool!" he said as it started up, then within less than five
seconds the robot had buckaroo'd him across the room into a filing cabinet.
Jed laughed. "Careful kid, that's a where I keep mah booze!"
Jed got a call from the security department. They reported
that the Seymour-chicken was now attacking `Les Royal Niples' and eating all
their vegetarian bean burgers.
Jed go onto the tannoy for the entire ship. "Howdy pardners
this is yah Captain speaking. There's a large chicken on the loose, I recommend
y'all get it caught and put in a holding cell lickety split. Don't kill it
either."
He closed the communication.
"Don't you think you should have told everyone that it's
Seymour?" said Efof.
"Nah pardner, someone'd kill it fer sure!"