Jeffrey the Red Dwarfer

Who: Jeffrey who is knocked unconscious, Cpt. Hollister, Rimmer
Where: Back on the Red, but really a forest with a big crater in the
middle
When: Years before Jeffrey went back home
Mr. Jibbles the squirril was out for his morning walk. His doctor told
him that he was not in the best of shape and that he shouldn't be
eating those high-carb nuts. He was very old and it showed. His heart
was not looking good and it looked like he was going to die tommorrow
unless he got some well needed excercise now. Suddenly he heard a huge
screaming noise and a huge pile of metal was going to fall right on
top of him!
It missed.
Mr. Jibbles felt his pulse quicken and knew he was having a heart
attack. It took all his yoga exercises until he was finnally calm and
his heart return to normal. None of this really matters because at
that moment the landing ramp opened and crushed the poor squirril and
out came a man who was bleeding on one side of his forehead. Jeffrey
quickley fell unconscious and in his thoughts could be heard a child
screaming.
"Daddy!"
"Help for god's sake!"
"MOMMY!"
"OLD PEOPLE ARE DRIVING! GET OUT OF HERE!"
"This... doesn't look like... country time buffet."
<black out>
Red Dwarf was by all means a very busy ship. At least it would have
been but at 11 o'clock at night in the Corridors there were only two
people to be found. One is an eager-to-please teen, no older than 15
with a small amount of pimples and has a mole in the center of his neck.
"...Rimmer, your family is sick. For a someone with your breeding, you
are one of the most sucessful people I've met."
"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, bucko."
There is a pause before Rimmer finally says, "I didn't say stop."
"I mean honestly, how do you survive being put on a rack more than
twice. I heard it makes your... you know... equipment not function."
Almost (almost being the operative word) to break the embarrasing
moment a fire extinguister turns on and showers Rimmer with foam.
"Oh god, I'll get that for you, sir."
Jeffrey quickly uses a spanner type device he had in his pocket to fix
the Fire extinguiser.
"Holly! What happened?"
A face appears on the screen to show that of a balding man.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I've had alot on me mind."
"It's alright, we're looking for a mad scutter that just passed."
"Oh, I saw him. He went down that corridor."
"Great. Rimmer, I'll handle this."
Jeffrey quickley runs down the corridor. Rimmer is trying desparately
to get gunk off himself.
"Don't think for a second that I'm going to forget this. The next
computer I meet face-to-face is going to have a run in for your Job.
Smeg, even the nearest rodent would do better than you."
The picture suddenly flashes to a large tree. Then a face that Jeffrey
didn't recognise enveloped in a black background much like Holly's,
except he was black, completely bald and had the look of an army drill
sergeant. Just as suddenly as it came the vision vanished. Hollister
was sitting at his desk when the door recieves a knock.
"Come in."
Jeffrey is about to open the door when Rimmer catches up to him.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't smegpus himself? What have you got there?"
Rimmer abruptly takes the sheet and scans it.
"Dear Captain Hollister,
I have suspision that my superior is practicing unsafe repair methods
on the drive plate that may result in a possible leak. Also I believe
he might be taking illegeal learning drugs before taking the
engineering exam and could also be involved in several other possible
shipboard crimes. I respectfully request that you look in to these
accounts and confirm or deny my suspicions. I don't think the Captain
would be very happy to see this, and what the captain doesn't know
won't hurt him. HEY!"
Rimmer looks up to see Jeffrey running away with another copy of the
form and leaves rimmer to chase after him.
Meanwhile in the Captain's quarters, Captain Hollister is a bit
annoyed about the distubance but doesn't seem to be too frazzled.
"Holly, Have I done notes on that new crewmember, oh what's his
name... Hank?"
"No, Frank. Do you want to do it now?
"Sure. Ahem. Captain's notes on Hank: Has recieved good reports from
all capable superiors. Rimmer doesn't share their views but I suspect
this is because he thinks Hank is after his job. Has done well in the
field and on board but needs more training on piloting the new
Starbug. This doesn't say much because even I have trouble with the
complecated controls and he is officer material. It is unfortunate on
his parent's demise has caused him to lose his faith and therefore has
been found offensive to the more religious crewmembers. Promotion
Prospects: Good."
OOC Yes, I know. It's long. But I really wanted to get my story out of
the way as fast as possible. I know this ruins the mystery but I
always hated mysteries (apart from CSI and it's sons). Also how is
anyone else gonna write my character.
<to be continued>