Captain Calvert - "French search"

Who: Captain Jed Calvert
Where: Drive Room, BD
When: After the Raven crashed
Captain Calvert took off his cowboy hat and scratched his messy hair.
He looked like he hadn't had a shave in…. well… ever, and wore a dirty
ragged shirt.
"The French have us surrounded Captain!" Called someone from the
sensor computer. Calvert was a man never frightened to run away from a
fight, but this time he really knew that the French would make his
life difficult if he fought them.
"I hate the bastard French!" He said to himself. Loudly. Over the
intercom.
"Err sir… you DO know that they are on the viewscreen don't you?" said
Mike Gostuk at communications.
"Yeah yeah." Said Calvert and turned to the French General on the
viewscreen. "'Alright froggy." Jed said.
"Now now Monsieur Calvert, let's settle this man to man, tête-à-tête!"
said the French General. "We have a suspiçion that you are harbouring
weapons of mass destruction, so it would be très bon if you could
power down all your weapons and let us board and search you."
"Oh is THAT all you wanted." Jed said, playing along. "I thought you
wanted a fight. `Cuz I hoped you'd come over here and join me in
fisticuffs so I could deck your sorry ass."
The Frenchmans eyes squinted. "We could take your ship by force
Monsieur Calvert."
"Like heck you could. But, I'm going soft in my old age and I know
I'll never see the back of you unless I submit will I?"
"Non Monsieur."
"Then come on over y'all! We have nothing to hide, and if it'll make
you paranoid frogs feel better then you can do your search." He said
with a mocking grin.
The French general nodded. "Oui monsieur. Merci."
Calvert turned to his crew and shrugged. "Well we have nothing to
hide. It's just their paranoia playing with their senses." He barked
orders at some subordinates. "Open the landing bay doors and welcome
our `guests' aboard."
He then strolled out of the Drive room away from prying ears and
contacted Peter and Kevn. "Guys, I don't know where you are but for
the love of Billie the Kid tell me that you've hidden those smuggled
weapons somewhere good."
Peter's voice came back. "We're on it right now Captain."
"Good because there are French search parties coming onboard and if
they find those weapons I'm blaming you two and leaving you with them,
and they don't like foreigners `round here."
He heard some gulps and Kevn replied. "Oh Captain we also found a book
titled `The Ultimate Defence: Viral Weaponry by Dr. Heman Fleegman' in
the crate. It sounds important."
"Sounds rubbish, what's the gist?" Calvert asked.
Kevn read the first page. "Sounds like its about some kind of bird
disease."
There was a pause as Calvert thought for a moment. "Jezus H Christ and
the Sundance Kid! I just got told of some freak disease like that on
New Francais right now! If they find that book we'll all be screwed
harder than a dirty French whore in springtime. Hide it really well!"
Captain Calvert walked down to the flight deck and stood on a rail
overlooking the French ships landing. He hated the Frecnh and wanted
to pick a fight with every single one of them, but he also wanted to
get rid of them as soon as possible. So he hoped to hell nobody on the
Blue Dwarf would mess it up and make them stick around longer.
< OOC – tag to everyone else! This is an open playing field, so your
characters can make of this situation what they want >